


Influencer

by Poohobby



Category: Bombshell (2019)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 55,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22017169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poohobby/pseuds/Poohobby
Summary: Continuation of the storyline between Kayla Pospisil and Jess Carr from the film Bombshell. It opens in January of 2017, about 5 months after the end of the movie.
Relationships: Kayla Pospisil/Jess Carr
Comments: 82
Kudos: 302





	1. Inbox (1)

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers ahead if you have not seen the film. CW: language, brief mentions of homophobia/sexual assault, consensual (sometimes explicit) lesbianism, however.

It was as though acknowledging their inebriation had suddenly altered the mood in the air between them. There was a lighthearted tension there, they’d both felt it building. And now their eyes had caught each other’s gaze several extra times, their smiles lingering a few seconds too long on each occasion. The flirty territory that had spanned the length of dinner had reached its boundary. The next expanse lay uncharted before them.

Jess flagged down the waiter. With the pretty new girl’s eyes still following her every move, Jess was only one beat faster, sliding the little check book quickly towards herself, replacing it with her credit card tucked inside. Kayla gave her a halfhearted, disapproving look, retracting her own hand and card back to the purse in her lap. A smile rapidly reformed across her lips, though, and Jess couldn’t help the one widening on her own. “What?” 

Kayla’s eyes fell briefly on the member of the waitstaff swooping by to grab the bill. Then, leaning forward on the table gently, she found Jess’s hand with her own. She bounced her fingertips playfully across Jess’s knuckles. ”I want...” she grinned down at the hand on the table. It had interrupted her thoughts, turning over and snatching her fingers in its palm. Kayla raised her eyes to meet Jess’s. They smiled stupidly at each other. “Yes?” Jess waited.

“I want you to take me home with you.” Kayla couldn’t meet the other woman’s eyes then, and she found herself looking at their hands now casually splayed out on the table, stealing anxious glances up at Jess’s face. 

Finally Jess mustered a reply, her expression losing all goofiness and becoming completely sober. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...and the rest of your high holy friends- YES.” 

To Kayla’s relief, their eyes reconnected and there was enthusiasm and reassurance in Jess’s gaze. Kayla released a nervous chuckle. The hand tightened around her fingers. Jess inhaled sharply. “Iwouldtrulylikenothingmore.” She added this in a rapid tone of suave silliness that seemed to Kayla a uniquely Jess quality. Kayla chuckled again, less nervous now.

Jess didn’t need to work hard to remember the rest of the evening. Kayla had stolen Jess’s phone in the Uber, a brief wrestle for control of the device before Jess conceded defeat and the younger woman triumphantly typed in her phone number. Kayla would later end up changing her name to "Bill" in Jess's contacts on the sly, to mess with her. But Kayla didn't really have to make such an effort. She messed Jess up completely without even trying.

The brief tousle through Jess’s apartment lobby continued down the hall and up the elevator, the pair intoxicated as much by the prospect of this new exploration of each other as by the early evening’s drinks. 

Jess couldn’t work her keys when they reached the apartment door, and Kayla slid an arm around her waist to better reach the doorknob, succeeding nearly effortlessly first try, and pulling away in a small fit of laughter. Jess was still too stymied by Kayla’s nonchalant contact with her midsection to take offense. Instead she turned the key the rest of the way and let herself fall backwards into her apartment. As if on cue Kayla matched her pace, stepping forward and grabbing the door, which she pushed out of her way before clicking it shut behind her. Then, there in the dark foyer, the two simultaneously pounced. Jess gripped Kayla’s face in her hands possessively as Kayla’s fingers slid across Jess’s cheeks and into her hair. A frenzied few moments ensued, interrupted only by gasps for air and the shuffling in position of feet. 

Somehow they managed to remain upright down the entrance hall til they reached Jess’s bed. Then Kayla tossed them down, delighted with herself for discovering the location of Jess’s most crucial piece of furniture. She hovered over her hostess, still kissing her hungrily. Jess felt Kayla gently pull her hair from its bun. Unhook her glasses from behind her ears. Kayla parted their lips and pulled away to gaze at Jess. Their eyes had adjusted to the dark, and they could just make out each other's expectant faces inches apart. Kayla toyed with Jess's hair until she’d laid out all the older woman’s curls to ring her face. 

“Oh my God, why wear it up? I mean look at you! Look at you,” Kayla murmured this softly into Jess’s ear. 

“Name two people at our job who deserve to see me like this,” Jess retorted with an impish grin and dramatic flourish of her hand across her face, letting it come to a rest on the small of Kayla’s back above her. She inched her index finger under the fabric of the clothing and traced circles on skin until she felt Kayla shiver. 

“Hmmm...I can think of three: Me, myself, and I.” With this quip Kayla lowered herself back onto Jess’s lips, but Jess had had enough of the direction this was heading. 

More forcefully now, both of Jess’s hands suddenly found the small of Kayla’s back and took hold. Jess reciprocated the kiss hard, and slowly rolled Kayla’s hips off of her. Allowing her own body to follow, she easily pinned her guest to the mattress. Kayla’s lips released Jess’s. She slowly opened her eyes to look at the woman on top of her as she hiked her thigh between Kayla’s legs. Jess was staring intensely back down at her. 

Kayla’s breath caught in her throat and she gave her best smile. “God you’re so gorgeous,” Jess murmured. She leaned in and touched her lips to Kayla’s neck. “You...” She tried to respond, but as Jess’s hands slipped under her clothes she found her voice useless. Only a soft whimper, full of desire, protruded...

“Carr!” 

The pen Jess had been biting down on a little too harshly flew from her mouth, the cap bouncing across the cubicle. Ron stood leaning against the partition, eyeing Jess quizzically. 

“Yes! Sir. Yessir.” In one swift jerking motion Jess retrieved her writing accessory and was again upright at her desk. She rested her chin on a fist and tried to convince Ron that he held her complete attention. As an afterthought, she crossed her legs. Tightly.

“Sorry if I startled you. I know you’re busy.” Ron raised one eyebrow as he sipped from the coffee mug he’d been holding midair while witnessing the spectacle before him. 

“No, no. What’s up, Ron? Always time for you.” Jess made an effort to appear nonchalant as she minimized the email tab on the computer screen behind her. The one with the new message that had upturned her whole inbox that morning. Upturned all her thoughts until Ron intruded into them. 

“Did Rachel mention we’re all going for drinks tonight? Always more fun when you come along.” 

“Ah, uh, no, she didn’t.” Jess didn’t remember an invite, anyway. Maybe it was in an email she hadn’t opened yet because of...

“Well can you make it? Would love to have you on my trivia team. We killed it that one time.” 

Jess thought about her coworkers. Aside from the newbies like Rachel and Ron, the only other people still working in O’Reilly’s production were ass kissing hypocrite sell outs like herself. That reminder was almost too much to bear. 

“I have a ton to do tonight, should probably stay late if I want to be even halfway to caught up for the morning.” A flat out lie. _O'Reilly Factor_ was a daytime show; most of their work couldn't be accomplished until morning of. Ron probably knew that, so she hated lying to him. Because Ron was a nice guy. Fox needed more Rons. Less Rogers. 

His face became visibly crestfallen. “Won’t be the same, Carr. You’re such a light wherever you go.” Ron sipped his coffee again, and his body language spoke defeat until, “If you’d rather...we could do dinner sometime? Just us.” 

Okay, now Fox needed less Rons. And less closets. But Jess was saved from answering as Ron’s phone pinged. “Shit. Bill! How are ya?” Ron answered, waved, and turned on heel, strutting off with purpose in one swift motion. 

Jess stared after him for a moment before her thoughts drifted back to Kayla. With time she’d been able to shake the feeling of Kayla’s skin pressed against her own, the image of her afterglow as they joked in bed. What she couldn’t shake was the slowly growing fire Kayla had ignited in her the day she stood up and stormed out of their shit job, ready to take on the world. Jess felt like she had let Kayla down. Let herself down, even. She felt like she was still living a lie when someone her junior had been too smart to tolerate it for very long. She felt like a goddamned idiot. Sighing, she plunged the pen back between her teeth and squared up with her computer.


	2. Camaraderie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Not affiliated w this fic but quick plug for NYWIFT & WIP, which are real organizations mentioned below. You can support them on social media or by donating to projects funding women filmmakers at nywift.org/donate

Jess maximized her email tab. Clicked once more on the little paperclip above the open message. 

NYWIFT: New York Women in Film & Television  
_Night Out with Women Independent Producers  
8:30 pm  
Punch Restaurant  
913 Broadway  
New York, NY 10010_

_The NYWIFT Night Out is a safe space to ask entertainment related questions, seek advice, employment and other industry opportunities. Bring your business cards and get ready to make connections!_

Jess’s lower jaw jutted out, conflicted. Her eyes trailed to the corner of her desk, where a stack of business cards sat in their holder. “Because Jess Carr, Producer, The O’Reilly Factor would sound so good to all of New York’s independent women.” She muttered bitterly. And yet- 

_You should come tonight._

_K._

_K wants me there._ Jess told herself for perhaps the millionth time since morning. _But why?_

She’d had plenty of time to wrack her brain for the answer to that question, and could come up with a plausible two. The first, and most logical to Jess’s mind, was that Kayla legitimately wanted to help Jess leave Fox News, like she had. A pang of guilt surged up into Jess’s throat. She hadn’t been very much help to Kayla. Not even when Kayla needed her the most. So the second possible reason for Kayla to reach out, the one Jess held so sacredly in the dimly hopeful back of her mind, was inconceivable…

She pushed her chair back from her desk as though it would relieve the suffocating feeling crawling through her. 

“G’nite, Jess! Sorry you aren’t joining us. See you tomorrow?” 

Across from her, Rachel was shouldering her laptop bag and smiling at her cubicle partner. Jess hadn’t noticed her return to their workspace; she’d almost forgotten she was still there. Rachel snatched one more paper off her desk as an afterthought. 

“Tomorrow!” Jess called, giving a little wave at Rachel’s retreating back. The O'Reilly section of the office was quieting down now, the hum of sleeping computers a soothing white noise. An occasional intern from another show strode quickly past. Her eyes wandered, and came to rest on Rachel’s empty station. Jess’s eyes darkened. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Rachel, her newest cohort. Young and naïve, she couldn’t blame the girl for being cheery about her new position. Rather it was what Rachel’s presence meant. Who Rachel had replaced. 

Jess didn’t know how long she stared at that empty chair. But eventually she turned back to her work and dove in. It was 7 o’clock before she stopped half-heartedly scanning political articles that would already be old news by tomorrow morning and was once again staring down that email. 

Her hands remained poised over the keyboard hesitantly. And then, quickly typing a couple words, she hit send. 

_See you soon._

*************************

Jess stuck her gum in the potted plant by the door and stepped through. She remained uncertain of her decision as she surveyed the long, rectangular room. Strings of lights rained down in perfect straight lines from the ceiling, and under them crowded all sorts of women in all sorts of outfits, chattering with enthusiasm, touching one another in a sisterly way, laughing organically. This was definitely not Jess’s realm. 

“Hi! Here for WIP?” A woman with the wrinkles of someone who has smiled their way through life brightly held a name tag sticker in Jess’s face. 

“I, ah, WIP?” Was all Jess could manage in return. 

“Women Independent Producers! I’m Margaret Firth, and we’re just getting started so you haven’t missed anything!” 

“Oh, um, yes. Sorry. I’m actually looking for somebody-“ 

“You’ll know everybody before the night’s out! This is a place of camaraderie, c’mon I’ll get you a marker for your name tag.” 

Jess had little choice but to let Margaret Firth guide her to a table off to the side. “Jess Carr?!” The woman lit up as Jess haphazardly scribbled. “So you’re the infamous old friend of our Kayla? The one who works at…well,” Margaret lowered her voice and looked over Jess’s shoulder at the crowded room, “… _Fox News?_ ” 

Jess blew out a breath, slapping on her name sticker with wide eyes. “I sure am.” 

“Oh, honey,” Margaret breathed, attaching a tight grip to Jess’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

Now Jess was no longer uncertain: She knew she shouldn’t have come here. “I’m okay, yes.” She replied firmly. “Only maybe I shouldn’t be here. This isn’t really my scene, what with, ya know, being at Fox News…” Before Margaret could reply, a voice from behind interjected, “Hey, I know you!” 

For one brief and glorious moment, Jess dared to believe she would turn to face Kayla. But she knew better. She knew Kayla’s voice. And that wasn’t Kayla’s voice. 

A tall woman with dark hair and glasses was sizing Jess up. Jess pushed the bridge of her own glasses farther up on her nose. The taller woman’s hand shot out, closing the space between them. “Aaron Miller. Producer. You’re Jess Carr.” She wasn’t asking. Jess took her hand and they shook, Margaret beamed. “See? Camaraderie.” 

Other people were milling about by the front door, and with another squeeze of Jess’s shoulder, Margaret excused herself to go greet them. 

Aaron Miller was still eyeing Jess. Scrutinizing. “Come on. The coat check is upstairs. And I know someone who’d like to talk to you.” The brunette reclaimed possession of Jess’s hand and steered her deftly through the crowd of women. Jess’s stomach lurched. Did Aaron know Kayla? Was she taking her to Kayla? 

Jess hadn’t thought this far ahead. What was she even going to say to her? What did Kayla want to talk to her about? _I shouldn’t have come. I. Should. Not. Have come._

They’d reached the back of the narrow room and now Aaron was leading Jess to a second floor. The stairwell was dark and lit only by a red neon sign reading WINE. _Well at least there’s that._

Possibly more crowded than downstairs, and with even more enthusiasm, the women up here were talking animatedly with glasses in their hands as they stood in their little designated cliques. Again, across to the other side of the room Aaron led. 

There by the windows, where the city lights reflected off the glass to combat the dark, stood a group of younger women, laughing animatedly as the one with her back to Aaron and Jess spoke. The blonde with her back to Aaron and Jess. 

Kayla. 

One of the ladies stopped laughing upon Aaron and Jess’s approach, and gave Kayla a knowing glance, her eyes training pointedly back to the new arrivals. Kayla stopped midsentence. Jess’s heart stopped working. 

Time seemed to slow as Kayla turned. Her cheeks were flushed and her giant grin only widened. Like her group of friends, she was sporting a dark, tight dress, in her hand a pink glass of something where citrus slices bobbled. 

“Jess!” With her free hand Kayla snaked an arm around Jess’s middle. The last time she'd done so flitted through Jess's mind. “It’s so great you decided to come.” Kayla said this quietly into her ear. When they separated her eyes flashed at the brunette. “So you’ve met Aaron. This is Sara, Alex, Julianne, and Courtney.” Kayla’s hand bounced over her circle of pals in turn. 

“Hullo,” Jess nodded. 

“Each of them self made producers, and employed!” Everyone laughed with Kayla again. 

Jess wanted to fall through the floor into a sewer drain and float back to the office, opposite Rachel’s empty chair. Instead, she stood amicably listening, and feeling like a third wheel to the cart she could scarcely believe existed. 

******************

“Hey, I said, you want one of these?” Kayla was holding her half-full glass of pink stuff up to Jess’s eye level, and the latter jolted. 

“...What is it, exactly?” She felt stupid. For months she had been wondering if she’d ever see this beautiful woman again, and when she’d finally reached out to her, Jess had spent the whole day agonizing over what to do. Now that she was right here in front of her, she had instead allowed her mind to wander back to all her misgivings about everything she’d ever done in her entire life, career or otherwise. 

That otherwise part was particularly troublesome. Especially because she still wasn’t paying attention to the bombshell right in front of her who was trying to reconnect. 

Kayla laughed. “It’s strawberry gin and tonic. D’you like it?” She held the glass out for Jess to sample from. 

Jess tried to loosen herself up, and smiled gently at Kayla. She put her lips to the rim as Kayla tipped it slightly. Their eyes met for half a second longer than intended. Long enough for Jess to see a familiar look in Kayla’s glimmering turquoise eyes. 

_Okay. I’m glad I came._

“It’s good!” Jess told her after she’d swallowed. 

“I’ll go get you both one.” Aaron took Kayla’s glass and squeezed herself between the pair toward the bar. 

Kayla rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind my girlfriend,” she laughed, and then winked, “She’s a little paranoid you’re here since I told her we hooked up that one time.” 

_Oh God._

“I’m um. Gotta go to the bathroom.” Jess took a step back before turning her body, and fell into the sea of women independent producers. 

_Women Independent Producers._ Jess scoffed. _What am I doing here?_

She didn’t bother trying to find the restroom. She took the stairs two at a time, and bobbed skillfully between the women on the first floor, easily waving away Margaret Firth by reason of “family emergency!” 

The frigid night air hit Jess the way she imagined the word girlfriend might’ve had she allowed herself to process it before the flight instinct kicked in. 

_You knew she invited you for the sole purpose of helping you leave Fox News._ Jess chided herself. _You knew that’s all this was. You’re being a real doofus._

Jess leaned against a fire hydrant, gulping in the wintry breeze swirling around her. Unsure of what to do now, and shivering, she righted herself and began walking briskly down the sidewalk. Not two blocks later she was in Madison Square Park, and plopped heavily down on the first bench she came to at the entrance. She and the statue of William Seward kept each other company, sitting in silent judgment of one another. 

After a few moments her phone pinged. 

_Where’d u go? K_

It was a new number, but somehow Kayla had retained Jess’s. Jess briefly contemplated chucking her phone over at William Seward, to give both he and Kayla a piece of her mind. Instead, predictably, she hit the response bubble and her fingers hovered. 

_There was a line for the toilet. Peeing outside._

Jess erased her assholery before it got the better of her. 

_I had to head out._ She sent instead. Simple. Honest. 

A few minutes passed without response, so Jess let it go. _Some people just aren’t meant to reconnect. It’s fine._ She told herself. 

Leaning back on the bench she could just make out a star or two beyond the light pollution. She thought of her coworkers having drinks. Resignedly, she considered meeting up with them after all. It’d be way less depressing than going home, alone, to the bed, where she and Kayla had “hooked up that one time.” 

Kayla had looked so nice tonight. Her smile had seemed so genuine, as though she was truly happy. Her hair was shorter too, Jess had noticed. She could hardly believe she’d laid eyes on her again. And in that great dress, looking like that…

“Seward was an enigmatic figure too, you know.” 

Someone had just sidled onto the bench right beside her, and Jess’s city girl instinct was to knee them in the groin. Thankfully she caught herself in the knick of time. 

It was Kayla, and she nudged Jess’s arm softly with her own. She nodded back over her shoulder at the statue. “He’s kinda like you.” 

“How did you know where I was?”  
“Lucky find.” 

Kayla was wrapped in a long stylish winter coat, the beanie topping her head completely throwing an otherwise dressy ensemble. It was everything. 

“As I was saying,” Kayla stretched out an arm on the bench behind Jess, and leaned back to look up, too. Her head just grazed Jess’s. “Historians don’t quite know what to do about him. Some say he lacked principle. Others call him a cultivated intellectual. They argue over whether he was a dreamer or a pragmatist. But y’know...I sorta think he could’ve been both.” 

Jess could feel Kayla’s gaze had fallen to watching her instead of the night sky. She dared to turn her head to meet it. Kayla made it seem so easy to fall back into their natural back-and-forth. It was just like when they first met. Jess wished they could go back to that. 

“Hey.”

Kayla gently nudged her again from her thoughts. Her eyes wove back and forth searching Jess's. A small smile curled the corners of her mouth. 

“I was kidding about Aaron. You absolute nincompoop.”


	3. More Camaraderie

Jess's eyes followed the stir stick in Kayla's tea as she casually dragged it around the rim of the cup. 

"So." Kayla gave a little wiggle in her chair to straighten her posture. "Is this more your speed than the producer gathering?" Kayla had coaxed Jess into a cafe opposite the park. It had been too chilly to remain outside. 

Jess exhaled, slipping her index fingers around her own tiny espresso cup, dragging it closer to her. She nodded. 

Kayla smiled down into her hot tea, removing the stir stick and snapping the to-go lid back in place. Then, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it'd be so intense for you." She allowed her eyes to meet Jess's as she sipped. 

"No! It was great of you to reach out." 

"But maybe I should've done it some other way." Kayla's chin rose slightly, as if she was certain she should've. 

Jess's mind was racing a mile a minute. WIP had been overwhelming, yes. She felt like a complete outsider around those women. And Kayla overwhelmed her just as much, in a different way. Jess still had no clue exactly what Kayla wanted from her. But after her poorly timed joke, and Jess's less-than-graceful reaction to it, Kayla must have some inkling of what Jess's own wants were. 

"I feel naked, Kayla." It was out of her mouth before she realized she was saying it out loud. But that was how Kayla was for Jess. Disarming. 

A mirthful noise escaped Kayla then, in spite of her pursed lips attempting to stop it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're being serious, I know what you're saying." She reached over and laid a comforting hand on Jess's shoulder. And then more gently, "You think I didn't feel that way when I left?" 

"I don't know how you felt." Jess said simply. Because it was the truth. The two had not spoken since Kayla yanked off her Fox News id badge and chucked it at a trash bin on her way out the door. Jess could conjure the scene back into her mind just as easily as every other Kayla moment she'd been privy to. How badly she had wanted to follow her out of that building. She had told herself she fell far too short of the strength of character that took. Besides...

"Well." Kayla withdrew her hand and Jess missed its warmth. "It was freaking terrifying. I came to New York City to. Work. At. Fox. News." 

A smile crept over Jess's face. Her mind conjured the younger woman's bathroom freak out on their first day of work together as Kayla's words echoed the moment. 

"And to suddenly be alone here, unemployed anywhere? I regretted my actions the instant I was on the train." Kayla took a rather forceful sip of her tea. "But I knew I'd done the right thing. That was how I slept at night." 

Jess's smile faded. Pangs of guilt grew within her. Her thoughts bounced against the walls of her brain like ricocheting bullets. She felt dizzy. "You were so brave. _Are_ so brave." She finally croaked, unable to meet Kayla's eyes. 

"Jess-"  
"No, Kayla, I-"  
"Let's talk about _you._ " Kayla wasn't going to be interrupted. She stared at Jess until the older woman met her gaze. 

"There's nothing to talk about." Jess stalled for time by sipping her nearly-empty espresso. She'd feign nursing it til the end of time, if she had to. "I'm in the same limbo I told you about ages ago. I can't leave. Nowhere else will take me." 

"Nowhere else you'll give a chance, anyway." Kayla retorted, clearly referring to the evening's function. 

"What, _Women Independent Producers_? Kayla you don't just go from Fox News into the open arms of people like that." Jess's frustration with herself was making her lash out despite infatuation with her audience. 

"Oh really?" Kayla leaned back, arms crossed. 

"I mean, they really seem to love you, and that's great," Jess attempted a back track. "But you got out of Fox as quickly as you began. I've been there for years, Kayla. You're young. I'm...practically establishment." Jess had heard Kayla speak of long term employees that way. They both knew it applied to Jess. 

"Let's see, who else was establishment there?" Kayla tapped her chin. "Seems to me Megyn Kelly's getting her own NBC show when her non-compete is up." 

"You know that's different." Jess was becoming exasperated. This whole evening was nightmare fuel. 

Kayla sat for a moment, examining the woman across from her with one eyebrow raised. "That place. Is killing you," She finally said. She raised a hand up in front of her, waving it in a circle, encompassing Jess. "This. Is not the woman I remember meeting." Kayla's hand rediscovered its place in the arms crossed over her chest. After another moment she seemed to have an epiphany, "Y'know what? Come on." The younger woman stood up, making a great show of slowly tucking her chair in and collecting her trash. "You think I'm kidding? Get up, c'mon." She extended a determined hand to Jess. Bewildered, Jess took it, and begrudgingly rose from the table. In her other hand she continued to clutch her empty espresso cup for reassurance. 

Kayla dropped her grasp once out on the sidewalk, and led the way along the busy streets. She twirled around playfully every once in a while to make sure she was still being trailed, flashing Jess a smile each time.

 _God. What is she doing? What am I doing?_ Jess continued to shuffle quickly after her. 

When they'd woven half a dozen blocks through the city, Kayla stopped abruptly before a door embedded into the wall between two much larger buildings. She raised her hand to the keypad to the right of it and typed swiftly. A buzz sounded and a lock clicked. She bounded inside, holding the door for Jess to follow. 

"Where are we going?" Trepidation filled Jess. Were they about to enter yet another space filled with women whose very existence reminded Jess of her inadequacy? Or...She swallowed. This wasn't Kayla's apartment...Was it? 

"Just come on, will you?" Kayla was halfway down a hall, flicking light switches upwards as she went. Passing the elevator, she opened a door, and when Jess caught up to her she found they stood at the bottom of a stairwell. "You up for it? We're going to sixth." 

Jess said nothing, but continued stalking Kayla as she led the way, climbing the stairs like an excited child. 

When Jess reached the landing of the 5th floor, she bent over and grabbed the tops of her knees. "Kayla. Where. Are we. Going?" 

Kayla's head appeared over the railing on the floor above her. "Well _I'm_ already there. Do you not make use of the Fox News Fitness Center very often?" 

Jess ignored the way Kayla's hair, splayed and dangling around her face, made her look even cuter than her cocky comments already were. "If I ever do get up there, you're in trouble." She ventured in response. 

Kayla's grin took up her whole face. "There's the ol' Jess. Knew she was still in there." And then her head disappeared back over the railing. 

Kayla was punching in another code on another keypad when Jess approached at her side. When the door gave, Kayla ushered Jess through it, lightly grazing the small of her back. But the shock the contact produced barely registered above Jess's present levels of uncertainty. 

"This..." Kayla flipped another light switch, "Is what WIP did for me." Dozens of florescent ceiling panels flickered on like falling dominos down a long stretch of office space. Desks and rolling chairs littered the expanse, but so did potted plants. And there wasn't a cubicle partition in sight. Vast modern art canvases lined the walls. A break room made entirely of glass windows divided up the space, and looked homey and inviting. Massive bean bag chairs were smushed in a pile in one corner of it. 

"What, WIP got you a job at Google?" Jess inwardly marveled at the space, but still wasn't putting two-and-two together, and it irritated her. 

"Ouch." Kayla pretended a pout. "Is it the beanbags? The interns like them." Her hand was back on Jess's shoulder. She pointed to a box fastened to the wall beside them with the other. "Please leave your suggestions in there. The boss is pretty attentive to the needs of the staff." She had a look in her eyes that Jess had never seen. She couldn't quite make out what it meant. It was accompanied by a smirk. Kayla leaned in til her lips nearly grazed Jess's ear. "This is _my_ company." She whispered.

*************

"Forgive my Google comment." Jess stretched luxuriously on a purple bean bag as Kayla watched with wide eyes. 

"Yeah?" She remained standing, arms crossed again. 

Jess sunk a hand into the green bag next to her. "You mean you haven't tried this out, Boss?" 

Kayla plopped down good-naturedly. As they got comfortable the only sound was the soft rustle of their seats settling. 

In unison, they both broke into a fit of laughter. 

"Okay, I feel ridiculous, but I see why they like these." Kayla said when she'd recovered. She unwrapped her coat and freed her arms from the sleeves. 

Jess paid no mind to her own jacket, though she was plenty warm from the hike upstairs. She was lost in the view. "I like your beanie." 

Kayla had made no move to take off her hat, and still didn't. She returned Jess's gaze with a smile and stayed quiet. 

"How have you been, Kayla?" Jess barely got these words out, and had to look down at her hands when the woman's name passed her lips. She had so many questions. What was her company? How had Kayla gotten here? What did she want from Jess? But this most important question hadn't been asked, though Jess had wanted to ask it every single day since the last time they'd seen each other.

Kayla looked down too before finally replying softly, "Lately is the best I've felt in a long time." 

Jess chanced looking up. She studied the green bean bag's occupant. Her skin glowed of health. Every smile she'd flashed tonight was pure, her eyes exuding happiness. Even her voice seemed more confident and jovial. It gave Jess an inner peace to observe these things. But when Kayla looked back up her eyes had darkened, and there was something of the old, insecure, confused Kayla in them. 

"It's still really hard sometimes." She said even more quietly. 

Neither of them had to say what was hard. They both knew. All of Jess's guilt came crashing back down around her. She wished the bean bag would swallow her whole. Her distress must've been visible. 

"Jess, don't-" Kayla tried.

"No." She wasn't getting talked over this time. She had to get this out before she lost anymore sleep over it. "That night you called me from your date was one of the worst nights of my life." 

Kayla blinked slowly at her. She looked to Jess as though she might start shaking like a leaf at any second. Jess felt tears forming in her own eyes, but resolved to stay strong for the younger woman. 

"It confirmed my worst suspicions. You are the last person I'd ever want anything to happen to. Especially that..." Jess was fully aware she was making herself completely obvious now, but she didn't care. She needed to say exactly what she meant. Kayla needed to hear it. "I didn't do enough. There was so fucking much I could've done, and I did exactly nothing." She narrowed her eyes as Kayla's mouth opened to protest. "Kayla, you know I'm right." She knew Kayla knew. The whole office had been within earshot when she'd accused Megyn of not doing enough. 

She must've realized this was what Jess was insinuating. "I brought Megyn Kelly into my counterargument earlier, and you said it was different. This is, too." Kayla said measuredly. 

"I knew you better than Megyn did. It's different because I should have cared _more,_ if anything." Jess snapped. 

"Megyn didn't have to keep me at arms' length because we didn't sleep together." Kayla shot back. "Megyn didn't have to hide who she really was. I totally, fully, completely, understand why you did what you did." 

"What I _didn't_ do, and it's unforgivable." 

"Not to me." 

Jess couldn't help a shiver as Kayla leaned in and took her hand. Kayla's thumb traced over Jess's knuckles. "You were the only one who was there for me at all. You risked as much as you could to help me. And it wasn't like I was helping myself. I called you on a date _with a man_ for God's sake." 

"The gender of your dates isn't the issue here." 

"Well it sure was." Kayla gently let go of Jess's fingers and leaned back into her bean bag. "You convinced me to report my abuse with that phone call. Which was what I was looking to hear when I called." She sighed. "What I _didn't_ expect was the introspection you slapped me in the face with at the same time." 

Jess searched Kayla's face. "...I don't follow."

Kayla leaned in conspiratorially. "D'you know how many stupid dates I'd been on trying to _make it go away_?" 

Ah, so there it was. Jess's stomach twisted. Her heart broke for Kayla in solidarity. 

"Well don't look so sad about it, but yeah," Kayla threw her hands up. "I'm a giant lesbian! That was almost as hard to accept as what Roger did." 

"Can I hug you?" 

"Of course." 

They stayed in each other's arms for a long time. At any other moment Jess would've drowned in the familiar scent of Kayla's perfume, which made her smell like the sweetest bergamot. She would've had to fight back the urge to run her hands through her softly-curled hair, her fingertips down her bare shoulders. But in that moment of fellowship nothing mattered but the truth Kayla had finally accepted about herself. And the strength she showed time and time again to get past everything that had happened to her. Jess rocked them side to side in the proudest, biggest bear hug.


	4. Jess On Her Own

"Hey Carr!" 

Jess watched as Ron strode towards her cubicle, waving enthusiastically. 

"Heyyyy..." She gave back hesitantly. Then looked back to her computer. 

Ron leaned his forearms on the partition, clasping his hands together. "You think you might have a few minutes to spare sometime today? I could really use your help sorting out some of the scheduling spreadsheets. I'm still not 100% on how to file some of the program notes." 

"Yeah sure," Jess's eyes hadn't left the work on her own computer screen. She typed another entry quickly with one index finger. Swiveled her chair to face him. "After lunch?" 

"What are you doing for lunch? I could buy." The man didn't quit. 

"I've actually already got something scheduled for the lunch hour." Jess was glad this was the truth. 

"Oh." 

"2 o'clock? I'll come find ya." She gave him a reassuring smile. She hoped her eyes conveyed strictly business. 

Ron re-clasped his hands in acknowledgment. "That's perfect. Hey thanks, Jess, truly." 

"Not any problem, Ron." 

When he was gone Jess consulted her Fitbit. 11:36. _Damn. Still not lunch._ She placed her hands back over her keyboard. 

"Wow, he called you by your first name, this is getting serious." Rachel remarked from across her own station. 

"I know, kill me, right?" Jess supplied. 

She heard Rachel chuckle over her shoulder. "I don't get it. He's asked you out about twelve times. You aren't feeling it? He's handsome as-"

"He's alright." 

"Well give him to me, then." She said quietly. 

"All yours, babe." 

*****************

"Can I start you off with anything else, or do you want to wait for your plus one?" The waitress poured two water glasses and set them on either side of Jess's table. 

_My plus one._ Jess felt herself smile stupidly, briefly gazing out into space. 

She edited her smile to become a normal, appreciative one. "I'll wait, but thank you." 

As the waitress walked away Jess drummed her fingers on the tabletop and looked out the windows at the sunny sidewalk, hoping to catch a glimpse of businesswoman Kayla, hurrying from one engagement to the next during her big city workday. God, she was cool.

She'd spent a couple more hours on the bean bag facing Jess the previous night, detailing all her new work life entailed. After Kayla had presented WIP with a business model for a company that highlighted the talents of women in media, their highest reps had been so impressed they had reached out to their higher connections in the field, and put a team together. It was a work in progress, and though there was already a wildly successful podcast and accompanying youtube channel, they had not yet reached their goal of broadcasting a women's news network to television. But they were close. Social media users ate up their content on every platform. And important eyes were watching the fledgling company, purse strings loosening. Kayla felt certain things were going in the right direction. Jess believed her. The younger woman seemed to impress everyone she met. 

A hand landed on Jess's back and rubbed it briefly. "Hello there, Ms. Carr." 

Jess whipped her head around and saw a smartly dressed Kayla dropping her purse off her shoulder to the crook of her arm, tossing her phone inside it.

"Hiya, Boss Lady."

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long. My meeting ran late." Kayla said as she sat. 

"The world turns because you spin it, I'm just along for the ride." Jess smiled and rested her chin on her fists, elbows on the table. She was in a much better mood today. 

Kayla cocked an eyebrow. "I dunno about that, but." She flipped open the menu in front of her. "You'd like this piece one of the interns is working on. We were just going over a rough draft of it. She came to New York from the deeeep south and is composing an expose on the close-mindedness of Bible Belt society in- Ooh, they still have the black bean sliders!" Kayla leaned over Jess's menu and pointed to a wide section at the bottom of the second page. "I told you they have a great vegetarian selection." 

"Already eyeing this avocado walnut salad thing. And I'd love to read the piece." 

The waitress came to take their order and went. Jess took the break in conversation as an opportunity to produce a thin stack of papers from within her book bag, placing it ceremoniously on the table. 

"What's this?" Kayla curled a finger around a top corner of the papers, raising them towards herself. 

"I was hoping you could proof this resume for me? And then, if it's any good, tell me who to send it along to at WIP." 

Kayla's eyes flew down the first page, and when she reached the bottom, "Oh Jess...I'm so proud of you." 

"I did it last night after we went our separate ways. I edited it a little this morning at work and then used their materials to print it. Because stick it to The Man, right?" 

Kayla gave a small smile. "Absolutely. Are you serious about this?" 

Jess shook a fist. "I must escape my chains!" She said this in the low, silly voice she knew Kayla enjoyed. At least used to enjoy. 

At the moment, however, Kayla looked nervous, expectant. "Well, actually. I invited you to lunch today with ulterior motives. In fact, I have a proposition for you." 

Jess pointed at Kayla's drink. "Doing better than last time, you've already got a glass of water for after." 

Kayla turned completely scarlet. " _Jess Carr!_ " after she'd recovered, "I should kick you under this table. This is a _business luncheon_." Her voice spoke in scolding tones but her eyes sparkled as though she was greatly pleased by the unexpected remark. 

Jess was satisfied with herself too, though she'd mostly made the comment to divert the conversation. Because she knew exactly where Kayla was headed with it. She reached a hand over and placed it on top of Kayla's. "I don't want you to give me a job, Kayla." 

Kayla blanched, briefly crestfallen, "How did you...What? Why not?" 

"This is something I have to do on my own. And I have you to thank for the encouraging influence to try." 

"But I could have you out of there _today_." Kayla argued earnestly. "You wouldn't even have to go back after lunch. We can take our time, get dessert, this afternoon you could meet the team-" 

"Nepotism is no way to combat the patriarchy, Kayla." Silly again. 

Kayla's face held a rather innocent disappointment, and she said nothing. 

"If that looks good," Jess tapped the resume Kayla was still clutching, "We'll give it to whoever at WIP with glowing recommendation from you, okay?" 

This finally prompted a small smile from the younger woman. "Deal."

They tucked in to their meal when it arrived and the conversation resumed its easy, familiar banter. After the previous evening, it seemed like the relationship to each other they'd once had was back in full swing. Except, Jess noticed, every once in a while Kayla fell silent and stared at her with something like concern in her otherwise bright eyes. Finally Jess commented on it. 

"It's nothing, I think. I mean...nobody at Fox...none of them...They don't bother you do they?" 

Jess gnawed on a piece of arugula. "They all bother me. They're conservatives. No offense intended to present company." 

"No...I mean, the men. They don't like. _Bother_ you...Right?" 

"Oh! Oh God no. I mean, there's this one new guy who sort of wants to date me, but he's pretty harmless." 

Kayla's face read as someone unconvinced. 

"Trust me. It's actually a lot better there these days. Of course, it's still Fox, but." 

"Okay," Kayla pushed her fork around her now-empty plate, spearing none of the few leftover black beans. "I'm not that much of a conservative anymore, by the way." 

Jess grinned. "You're definitely going to have to elaborate more on that some time." Unfortunately her Fitbit told her she only had 20 minutes to keep her appointment with Ron. 

Before they departed Kayla got up to go to the restroom, and to Jess's dismay, came back waving the check triumphantly. "I beat you this time." 

"Doesn't anyone go Dutch anymore?" Jess asked coyly, getting up from the table to follow Kayla to the exit. 

"I guess there's still a bit of conservatism left in me. I refuse to let chivalry completely die." 

Jess hurried to beat Kayla to the door, opening it with a bow. "As do I." 

***************

Poor Ron was having a disaster of an afternoon. He really had no idea what he was doing with his spreadsheets. If Jess didn't have the promise of imminent escape from Fox, she would've been overwhelmed with his incompetence. Instead she was patient and empathetic. After all, someone would need to learn how to do things without her around. 

Then she took a moment to consider why she cared what happened to the organization of O'Reilly's program in her absence. She hazarded a guess that she didn't really care, she just didn't want the new guy to suffer. 

"No, no. You want to click out of that before entering another field." She was doing a lot of gesticulating. Ron's brow remained knotted. His laptop was approaching low battery, and overheating it with several big softwares open was causing it to whir. 

Jess's phone pinged. "Plug your laptop in, buddy." She said. "And give me one second." She pulled the phone from her back pocket. 

_Aaron Miller likes your resume. Wants to see you tmw @ 5. Can you? K <3_

Jess bit her lip to keep from smiling too hard. The little heart at the end was a cherry on top and she couldn't manage it. 

"Did I fix it? That smile says I fixed it." Ron looked back and forth from Jess to his charging laptop, where he continued to play with the columns of text. 

Jess held up a finger, quickly typed _Yes, 5. Email me location address plz? <3_ and allowed herself to bask in the moment it sent.

She shook herself from her reverie and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, squinting at Ron's screen. "Sadly that's still fucked, dude." But she smiled reassuringly. Beckoned with her hands to get him to pass her his macbook. "Give it to me." 

****************

Jess rolled back toward Kayla after turning on the bedside lamp. Climbed back on top of her. 

"Oh, okay?" Kayla hadn't expected this, but happily snaked arms back around Jess's bare torso above her. 

Jess brushed the back of her fingers across Kayla's cheek. "What, already wanna call it quits for the night?" 

"No," Kayla asserted quickly. Her growing pupils spoke her continued interest. "Just didn't have you pegged as a lights-on sort of person," She brought a hand up around Jess's face and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "It's nice. Your bedhead is really a vision." 

Jess snorted. "Shut up." She buried her nose in Kayla's neck again. After a moment it was too much to resist, and she was back to kissing Kayla's skin. The younger woman's breathing changed instantly. 

But something was wrong. With Jess. She felt herself growing, blimping out, weighing heavier on the beautiful woman beneath her. Kayla's breath stopped short. Jess felt as though she were smothering her. She rolled off immediately, sat up, and examined her hands in front of her face. They were old, fat, wrinkled. _What the fuck?!_

Kayla was sitting up now too, covering herself with the sheets, scooting far away from Jess, a look of horror on her face. "No. NO!" Finally emitted from her lips. 

Jess tried to reach out to comfort her, and Kayla screamed, withdrawing further. 

_What the fuck?! What the fuck?!_

Stumbling under newfound weight, and legs that didn't seem to function properly, Jess tumbled out of bed and made her way with great difficulty down the hall to her bathroom. Flipped on the light. 

Stared at herself in the mirror. 

Roger Ailes. 

Kayla's screaming from the next room pierced her ears as her heart thudded violently in her enormous, disfigured chest. 

Everything went black. 

With a gasp Jess shot straight up in bed. Alone in the dark, she groped her body. Her normal, female Jess-body. _God._

The nightmare still seemed too real to roll over and touch that lamp. She tucked herself back under the blankets and let her head sink deep into her pillow. _Guilt did this._ Jess told herself. _I still feel guilty about leaving Kayla to fend for herself for so long. How do I fix it?_

Ruminating, and with her heart still pounding in her chest, she tried to even out her breathing and picture Kayla, safe and sound asleep in her own bed somewhere at that very moment. She wished she could be there to throw a protective arm around her. _Would Kayla want that, though, or is it a purely selfish desire?_

She glanced at her alarm clock. 12:30. Scrambling around her bedside tables until she located her phone, she peered at the lock screen. Call it intuition or something else, but she wasn't really surprised to see a notification with the letter _K_ floating over it. The message had come through 5 minutes ago. 

_Gnite Jess. Wish you were here._


	5. Enter the Antagonists

Someone whistled loudly over the sound of traffic.

Jess's nerves settled almost immediately upon seeing Kayla standing on the sidewalk outside of the address from her email. She was lowering her fingers from the corners of her mouth, and gave a little wave. Jess briskly jaywalked the rest of the way to Kayla's side and into her open arms.

A most welcome hug ended when Kayla stepped back, gently tugging on the collar of Jess's blazer, which protruded from under her unbuttoned coat. "Seriously, you look great." 

A sheepishness came over Jess and she bit back a wide smile. "I clean up okay, then?" 

She could see something she hadn't intended coming over Kayla in front of her. As the younger woman's eyes trailed up Jess toe to head, there was no hiding the meaning of her gaze. 

_Shouldn't've worn the hair down._ Jess concluded, swallowing with difficulty. 

"You clean up...more...than okay." Kayla was finding it hard to manage her throat too. 

They smiled dumbly at each other, and Kayla took a curl from Jess's shoulder and twirled it playfully. They both giggled. 

"Should we..?" Jess attempted.

"Yes, Aaron's waiting." Snapping out of it, Kayla pointed to the rotating doors in front of them, and they both stepped toward the entrance. 

In the email Kayla had briefed Jess that Aaron Miller managed the LGBT branch of production consultants for BRITDOC, a society promoting documentary films. Aaron had expressed interest in Jess coming on board to help increase the diversity of production styles. Jess was wary, but willing to give the interview a go. 

The pair passed through a lobby, where Kayla waved to the smiley receptionist, who seemed to know her. 

They made their way down the hall, every so often Kayla eyeing the woman trailing her. Jess wasn't sure if she was sweating due to the anticipation of the interview, or because of the way Kayla's eyes met every part of Jess's body but her face each time her head swiveled. 

_Shit._

They passed a wall of elevators, restrooms, and what seemed to be a small cafe before Kayla held a door open to Jess. 

"What a gentleman," Jess allowed herself to tease. 

"We're going to three." Kayla said rather stiffly. Maybe she was trying to control herself. 

They climbed the steps in unison, both hyper aware of their proximity to each other. Jess was too wrapped up in the scent of bergamot to complain about their climb. 

Aaron Miller stood in the doorway at the third floor landing, one hand on hip. Her long dark hair lay perfectly around her face; she was wearing another more stylish pair of glasses than she'd worn to WIP night. 

Jess felt professionally sheepish now. Her possible new boss had already met and scrutinized her once, even gone to get her a drink, and Jess had fled. A great reputation to start an employment opportunity with. 

"Nice to see you again, Jess." Aaron extended her hand once more. They shook firmly. 

"You too. Thank you for taking the time." 

"Come through here, please." She held the stairwell door open for Jess to pass through into the offices. 

"Kayla." Aaron smiled for the first time. 

Jess watched as the two women embraced. As Aaron pet Kayla's hair and held her at arm's length to enjoy the view. "What did I do right to see you twice in one week?" They shared a grin. 

"New glasses? I like," Kayla returned the compliment. 

"I knew you'd notice, with your thing for four-eyed women," Aaron teased. 

Despite whatever this was she was witnessing, Jess stored that piece of information away for later. 

They chattered for a few more minutes like old friends. Or something. 

"Well I won't hold you two up." Finally Kayla gave a little wave to Jess, taking a step back. "I just wanted to pop in and say hello while I was here for her." Kayla's eyes locked with Jess's, still something of the look that began downstairs residing behind them. "I'll text you later, okay? I have to run some errands right now." 

Jess gave her a thumbs up, wondering what that might mean about where Kayla wanted the evening to head. 

Aaron seemed to catch on to it, too. "I'll text you as well, Kayla."

***********

Aaron gestured to the chair in front of the desk in her office and Jess sat, tucking her jacket over the back, chewing on her lip, and straightening her pant legs.

Aaron closed the door and moved around the desk and sat back in her own chair. She tossed her glasses on the desktop. Briefly squinting at Jess, she sighed. 

"I'm going to be perfectly honest here, Miss Carr." 

_Uh oh._

"Your resume is truly impressive. An MFA in Creative Producing from Columbia, an internship with the BBC on abroad program...and a consistent, years-long track record of achievements and success at a major cable television news network, albeit Fox News...Well, anyone would be lucky to have you join their production team." She shook her head. "Be that as it may..."

 _Here comes the but._

Aaron leaned over the desk closer to Jess. "The honest-to-goodness reason I agreed to give you a go was for Kayla's sake. And only Kayla's sake." Aaron's eyes darkened. 

Jess opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't come up with a proper response. Aaron was swiveling around her workspace in her chair anyway, digging in a file cabinet. 

"Here." Aaron slid a thick Manila folder over to Jess. "Read through that and sign the last two pages if you want the job." 

Jess blinked. It couldn't be that easy. She hadn't even said a word since they entered Aaron's office. And if she was only giving her a job because Kayla wanted her to, how was this any less nepotism than working _for_ Kayla? 

_Well at least this way, you won't want to sleep with your boss._ Jess told herself. There was a tangible friction between her and Aaron Miller. _I also don't want a boss who hates me immediately though._ She sat stupefied, flipping through the pages of the folder without really taking in the words on them. 

"There are stipulations." Aaron interrupted her bewildered thoughts and Jess looked up. 

"You're going to have to unlearn whatever problematic conservative crap you got indoctrinated with in that place." 

Jess held up her hands and glanced sideways, hoping the gesture conveyed her distance from close mindedness. 

"You're going to have to prove you live up to the claims on your CV. And work hard." 

"Well I'm no stranger to productivity." Jess finally found voice with which to defend herself. 

Aaron opened her mouth to say something and instead closed it again. After a moment more of silent scrutinizing, she began again, "If I hear so much as a _whisper_ of funny business with Kayla I'll sack you on the spot." 

Jess's eyes widened and she blinked slowly, attempting to process. "...Funny business." 

Aaron lowered her voice. "If you so much as say one _word_ that could _possibly_ injure her in any way." 

"Huh." 

"And I won't care to hear the reasoning behind any action you take or don't take that could put her in harm's way. It happens? You're out." 

Jess sucked in a breath. "O-kay..." 

Aaron studied her for a long moment. "Kayla is a wonderful person." She added softly. "I know that if she sees something good in you it must be there. She found me my assistant. Said the woman was perfect for the position, and she's been nothing but." Aaron put her elbow on her desk and rubbed her temple between two fingers. "I want to trust her on this, too. But I need to know you have people's backs if something shady ever happens in your presence at the workplace." 

_Kayla told her what happened._ It was all falling into place to make sense in Jess's mind. This woman so obviously had feelings for Kayla. Maybe they'd even dated. One way or another, they'd been intimate enough at some point for Kayla to tell Aaron about what Roger did. About what Jess didn't do. 

Jess swallowed. "I've made mistakes in recent past, yes." She conceded. "I won't pretend I have adequate excuses for them. I couldn't see past my own issues to protect anyone but myself." 

Aaron's hand was over her mouth, a puzzled look searching Jess. "To be frank, I don't know that I could be a closeted person in a place like that myself." 

Jess could feel her ears grow hot. She hoped her shame wasn't forming a blush across her cheeks. 

Aaron added, "I don't know that I could be a person in a place like that at all." 

Jess gave a barely-noticeable nod. 

"If you want to leave Fox, I want to help." Aaron raised her voice decisively. "And I certainly don't mean to set us off on the wrong foot. Please, take a good long look at that." She jerked her chin back toward the folder in Jess's lap. 

"Thank you." Jess managed. She was trying to keep herself together, but suddenly felt very small. The room sat quietly as Jess read, and finally, setting the last two forms on the desk, signed on the lines. 

A tiny smile finally played across Aaron's mouth. She seemed relieved. Placing a hand over the paperwork, she reminded, "I'm not kidding about firing you, though." 

"It certainly did not come across as a joke." Jess answered carefully. 

"Good." Aaron stood. 

It had been the quickest job interview in the history of the universe. 

"I won't hurt her." Jess whispered, looking at the floor. 

"What's that?" Aaron turned from where she held the doorknob to exit. 

"You're right." Jess said more loudly. "Kayla is a wonderful person." 

Aaron's grip on the doorknob visibly tightened. "She is." 

"Nothing bad will ever happen to her around me or because of me." Jess assured her new boss. 

Aaron stuck out her hand for another shake. "Same here. You start on the first of February." 

**************

The temperature had dropped significantly while Jess was inside BRITDOC. She felt a first few snowflakes gently freckle her cheeks as she stepped out onto the sidewalk.

 _Three weeks._ She told herself. _Three weeks and I never have to go back to the News Corp. building again._ She looked up at the skyscrapers towering around her with new eyes. Rush hour pedestrians trampled around her, knocking into her shoulders, but she barely took notice. She rummaged in her coat pocket to turn her phone back on. 

_Congratulations <3_

The notification on her lock screen made her heart soar. She hurried to type a response. 

_Preferential treatment. An electoral college is undemocratic._

_Make America Great Again <3 _ Kayla replied almost instantly. 

_Finish your errands?_

_Almost. Preparing lil get 2gether 2nite celebrating someone v dear 2 me getting a better job. Wanna come?_

_Kayla wtf_

_One sec. I'll link u a map_

*************

"To new beginnings!" Sara, Alex, Courtney, and Julianne clinked glasses with Kayla and Jess. They stood around Kayla's kitchen island sipping their champagne. 

The oven buzzer went off and Kayla turned to peep inside it. "Why don't you guys go make yourselves comfortable in the living room?" She tossed a hand towards her sofas behind the island.

Jess followed Kayla's friends as they all sprawled across furniture. 

"So what's the first thing you're gonna do when you leave Fox News?" Julianne asked, popping a grape in her mouth off a tray on the coffee table. 

Jess blew out a breath. "Maybe spit on the side of the building." She crossed her leg over her knee, leaning back into the couch. "Protest outside of it, burn it down." 

Kayla entered the circle laden with an extra chair. She set it next to Jess and slid into it. "How utterly unappreciative of your former employer you are," She gave a sly smile. 

"Trust me, we all already wanted to burn it down after Kayla relayed the horrors within," Sara piped in. 

"Let's keep the mood festive, huh, ladies?" Kayla pressed her champagne flute against her reddening cheek. 

"What's for dinner, Kay?" Julianne grinned. "Smells good." 

"The basil's doing really well in the greenhouse right now, so I threw together a Margarita pizza." 

Contented sighs fluttered through the group. 

"Have you had Kayla's cooking before, Jess? 'Cause she's fire at cooking." Alex offered. 

"I have not yet had the pleasure, no," Jess replied.

"Can we go up to the greenhouse after we eat? I bet there's a great view of the snow fall tonight." Courtney added. 

"Sure, good idea." Kayla said between sips of wine. 

_Kayla has a greenhouse?_ Jess smiled into her champagne. She was learning a lot of pleasant information tonight. 

The group chattered on until the oven buzzer sounded again and Kayla raced for the plates. 

Kayla's friends were right about her cooking. The dinner was beautiful, the company unsurpassed. A pacified silence fell when nothing was left but empty plates and a few bites of pizza crust. 

Courtney clapped her hands together. "That was excellent. But now I'll need a nap if I don't start moving. Who wants to help me clean up?" 

Everyone rose to volunteer. 

"Uh uh. Your night. Sit." Kayla pushed Jess back onto the couch with a hand to her chest. Kayla's touch rendered Jess useless to any further argument. She sat with her own hand over the place Kayla had made contact and watched all the independent women producer friends make quick work of the clean up. They made a little assembly line of dishwashing, busily tossed sponges, passed dishcloths. Laughing at something Courtney had said, Alex tied up a trash bag and hoisted it from the can. 

The happiness surging through Jess in observing all of this was almost too much for her. Could her life become something like theirs? Like this? 

Kayla looked up from the sink across the room and their eyes met. She gave a small smile but her stare bore deep through to Jess's heart. 

Jess was filled with a lot of feelings. She took the last gulp of her wine. 

After another moment Kayla abandoned the efforts in the kitchen to bring Jess another pour from a champagne bottle. 

"Why thank you!"

"Up for a little hike to the roof?" 

"You have a greenhouse." Jess said not as a question but because she liked the sound of it.

Kayla's lip twitched in amusement. "I do." She held out a hand to help Jess up. 

"Come on, guys, we're going up." 

The kitchen clean, everyone went for their shoes by the door. Kayla took her keys off their hook and left the door open behind her so her friends could follow in her wake. 

"Five floors, though," Sara groaned. 

"Stoppit, Sara, you know why." Julianne retorted. 

"I'm just not a friend to exercise, and I'm full." Sara explained. "But I'll do it." 

"What are we talking about?" Jess slipped into her second shoe. "Kayla's obsession with physical fitness?" 

"That's not why she always takes the stairs." Alex supplied. Everyone else had filed out into the hall. 

Jess righted herself. "Then why?" 

Alex gave her a quizzical look. "Don't you still work in that mess? Surely you know why." 

Jess returned a puzzled expression. 

Alex lowered her voice. "Kayla has a real issue with elevators because of what happened to her. But please, don't tell her I told you, I assumed you knew." 

Jess stared at nothing, her heart pooling in the bottoms of her feet. "I had no idea."


	6. Kayla's

"So where'd she go?" Aaron handed Kayla her refill of strawberry gin, looking around for Jess before setting the second drink on a nearby table for safekeeping. 

"Bathroom, I think." Kayla gulped a deep swig from her glass. Aaron had turned back to their circle of friends, but Kayla still stood with her back to them, searching over the heads of the crowded room for a tiny blonde bun. 

_I shouldn't have said the girlfriend thing. Stupid._ She chided herself. Aaron touched her arm. Kayla twirled around. "Hey! I think. I think I said something foolish." 

Aaron's lip curled in disbelief. "What d'you mean?" 

Kayla handed her glass back to the taller woman. "I mean I shouldn't have anymore of this tonight."

Aaron gave an obliging shrug, and leaned over to abandon the gin and tonic on the nearby table. 

"I was trying to make a joke, and now Jess sort of thinks you and I are still together."

"Does she now?" Aaron mused. 

"It isn't funny, Aar, she throws me off, I rambled. And I might've upset her." 

"Didn't you invite her here to help her find a new _job_?" 

"Well, yeah, but." Kayla bit her lip. She'd missed Jess. She was so easy to talk to. Touch. For a while she had tossed everything and everyone at Fox out of her mind and driven herself forward into a completely new and better life. But once she'd succeeded, she noticed something was still missing. She'd wondered if that something might be about 5'3 with bad vision. 

"...But instead you told her a potential employer is your girlfriend? I mean, I'm not complaining but I thought we broke u-" 

"We did." Kayla said firmly, then, in a milder tone, "I'm sorry. It's just-"

"I get it," Aaron replied gently. 

Kayla was searching the crowd again. Frowning, she unlocked her phone, searching for the number she'd kept but never contacted. After a moment of typing and impatient refreshing, she looked back up at Aaron, face flushed with worry. "I texted her. She _left_!" 

Aaron's expression revealed her inner turmoil but she slowly managed, "Well you better go after her, then." 

"Should I?" Kayla's eyes pleadingly searched Aaron's for answers. 

"It's a big city, better hurry before she gets too far." 

Kayla's face sobered, she nodded, and turned on heel, making a beeline for her coat. 

*********

 _Where would she have gone?_ Kayla looked both ways down the busy street. _Home?_

Hopeless, she lingered on the sidewalk for another moment. In front of her a car blared its horn thrice, the driver in front of it rolling down his window to give the finger. 

Her eyes trailed down the block to 23rd street subway station. _If she's already gotten on a train, I've lost her._ Kayla thought desperately. Nevertheless she began to make her way down the sidewalk in the direction of the station, keeping her eyes peeled for any sign of Jess. 

At the edge of the park she stood defeatedly. _Such a big fucking mouth, Kayla._ Resigned, she decided a quick once around the park would give her the fresh air required to forget her attempt at reuniting with Jess for the night and return to her friends. 

Jess had looked just like her same old self. Kayla couldn't help but smile as she envisioned the woman she'd turned to see in front of her once again only half an hour earlier. She looked like she was okay. Kayla had worried if she was. And when their eyes locked as Jess had tried Kayla's drink.... _God._ Jess's coy little smile still lit up Kayla's whole heart in a way Aaron had tried - but never been able - to attain.

Kayla rounded a row of fenced-in bushes and came to the statue of William Seward. Ever aware of her surroundings in the dimly-lit park, she scanned the benches for loiterers. There was only one. A small woman with a flustered expression on her face as she clutched her phone and stared searchingly up at the sky. Kayla drew in a sharp breath. Jess. 

Kayla drowned in relief. She scurried over to the bench, trying to play it cool. She felt terrible for chasing Jess off with such childish behavior. But also...smug. Jess had really and truly bailed on an event comprised of great opportunities, all because she thought Kayla was taken. As she slipped herself onto the bench very close beside Jess, Kayla couldn't stop herself from thinking that maybe Jess still wanted to be the one to take her. 

************

Kayla stretched until her toes reached the foot of the bed and dangled in the cool morning air. She groaned and curled them back up into the warm blankets. 

_Nope not yet._ She told herself. _Just another minute._

She had had the most wonderful dream, brought on, she surmised, by seeing Jess again. She pressed her face into the pillows and smiled. 

Abashed little Jess Carr, totally out of her element, and...jealous. 

“I’m so cruel, God!” Kayla said aloud, with feeling. 

She closed her eyes, the events of the previous night culminating in the best part of the evening. If she tried, Kayla could still feel Jess's arms around her after she'd told her she was gay. She hadn't realized just how much she needed Jess's closeness until her whole body was reacting to the reciprocated contact. Kayla wanted the strong hands that had comfortingly gripped her back to be all over her. The dream she'd just awoken from went something like that. 

She rolled over, sucking in a breath.

 _Just make it til lunch, Kayla._ She reasoned with herself. _Then that irresistible woman will be in front of you again._

She grinned. She was going to convince Jess to leave Fox and join her company. And then they'd live happily ever after.

Her snooze alarm jolted her from her fantasies. Whacking it, she remembered the part of the evening that had upset her. The reason maybe Jess hadn't reached out to her before now, either. _Jess blames herself._ A lump formed and caught in her throat. Kayla had done a lot of blaming for what happened to her. She blamed herself, she blamed Fox corporate, she even blamed Megyn Kelly. But it had never once occurred to her to blame Jess. Jess had been the one to "worry out loud" about her to the right people, after all. 

Sitting up, Kayla dragged a hand through her messy morning hair. If she had to put herself in Jess's shoes, if someone had ever hurt Jess and she'd just sat by and let it happen...Okay, she could admit to understanding Jess's feelings of guilt. She just wished Jess could see it from her perspective. She didn't want Jess to hurt about anything. Ever. 

*************

"Afternoon!" Kayla's assistant and dear friend, Alex, greeted her as she walked back into the office after lunch. "Nice lunch?" 

"The best." Kayla couldn't help but gush. She noticed she was a little later returning from lunch than everyone else; the desks were full and everyone was back on the phone or busily clacking away on their computer keyboards. "Alex would you mind scanning this and emailing it to Aaron's BRITDOC address?" Kayla withdrew Jess's resume from her bag and handed it to her nodding assistant. "I have to make a phone call. Gonna monopolize the break room for a few, if no one minds?" 

No one was about to object to the woman in charge, and they all adored Kayla anyway. A few of her employees had even been so enamored with the mission of her organization that they'd left higher paying jobs to help her make it a reality. It also helped that she gave generous bonuses on a whim, dipping from her personal account which was now rather plentiful after the Fox News settlement. 

Kayla clicked the lock on the door of the break room and dropped into a bean bag. The purple one. She smiled to herself as she crossed one leg over the other, pulling out her phone. 

Pragmatic little Jess Carr had refused her job offer, sure. But she wasn't going to stay at her godforsaken present job if Kayla had anything to do with it. She dialed Aaron. 

It barely rang once. "Kayla!" 

"I have a producer you should hire." 

************

Kayla took a long shower after supper and crawled between her sheets. It was already 11:30, she'd stayed late at work because she'd spent half the afternoon convincing Aaron to give Jess a job. Aaron was extremely hesitant for some reason - perhaps jealousy? - but Kayla knew she couldn't refuse her request. She felt a little bad about using Aaron's lingering feelings for her this way, but not bad enough to forego her mission to rescue Jess.

She laid in the dark snuggling into her blankets without being able to drift off. Her thoughts were swirling around the woman who'd sat across from her at the most wonderful lunch Kayla had had in a long time. _What is Jess doing to me?_

She couldn't help but replay their entire meal over and over in her mind. Every little Jessism seemed to make her fall deeper and more hopelessly for her as she recalled each moment. How she'd stubbornly turned down working for Kayla before she'd even put the opportunity on the table, as if reading Kayla's mind. How her smile lifted her nose in a twitch of amusement every time Kayla made her laugh. Those eyes that looked at her as if she were extremely important...Not that this wasn't true of how others looked at Kayla, but with Jess it seemed different. More meaningful. It nearly hurt to think about her witticisms. They were so unexpected and delightful, and Kayla wanted a million more thrown her way. The water glass innuendo had really thrown her for a loop.

Going further back into her memories, to the night they'd spent together nearly a year ago, almost made her dizzy. Jess had brought out something wild in Kayla that was stronger than all her internalized denial and embarrassment of what and who she wanted. She still couldn't believe she'd mustered the gumption to ask herself back to Jess's place, and the flurry of events that had followed were so lovely as to seem surreal. 

She'd never felt that way with anyone. But with Jess nothing seemed more right. And God, the chemistry. Kayla bit her lip, thinking about how they'd wrestled each other into Jess's apartment, straight to the bed in each other's arms. How Jess had known exactly what to do to take Kayla over the edge. How Jess had looked underneath her as she went over it herself. 

_And those hands._ Kayla's mind was obsessed with them. They'd been so perfect trailing across every inch of her, so tender. And then so determined when they'd explored between her legs. It was too much to contemplate. Kayla allowed herself to picture Jess's face as it had looked intensely down at her, anticipating Kayla coming for her. 

For the first time in a very long time, Kayla's hand slipped into her underwear, her thoughts still filled by Jess. It didn't take a lot to finish. 

_I need her._ She concluded. _God, how much I need her._

Kayla rolled over in bed and reached for her phone to try to tell her. Her heart fluttered anxiously before she hit send, and then she tossed the phone far away from her and curled up on the distant side of the bed, eyes shut tight. 

_Gnite Jess. Wish you were here._

*************

 _Will bring her up 2 u if that's ok?_ Kayla stood in front of BRITDOC texting Aaron, keeping an anxious eye on the street. 

_Would love to see you!_ Came Aaron's response after a moment. 

Kayla stood on tip-toe searching the busy street, wishing she'd worn heels. She didn't think she looked very nice at all. It was Friday, so she was business casual in jeans and a sweater tucked under her long heavy coat. She self-consciously touched her hair, a frazzled ponytail at the end of the workday. It was then that she spotted Jess.

 _Fuuuuuuck._

Kayla raised her fists and bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut. Her knees buckled a little without her permission and she shook her head. The woman striding down the sidewalk on the other side of the street was too much. Interview Attire Jess was a lot for Kayla to process. The unbuttoned coat, the smart pantsuit beneath...the waves of gold hair tumbling around her shoulders...Kayla knew she had to get a grip on herself before Jess noticed her standing there in anguish. 

Straightening her posture, she dared herself to stick her fingers in her mouth and whistle as loud as she could. Curls bouncing as Jess whipped her head around, a smile came over the older woman's face as they made eye contact. Time slowed as Jess crossed the street towards her, and Kayla held out her arms without thinking of anything but another hug like the one she'd gotten the other evening. Her wish was granted, and suddenly her face was buried in that perfect pile of curls. She took in the distinct scent of honeysuckle.

The air was chilly, but Jess was so warm...Kayla withdrew from the embrace to appreciate the view and keep herself from becoming _too_ warm.

****************

Kayla bounced back downstairs two at a time, making hesitant glances back up at the two women in the doorway, moving down the hall together. 

_I hope I'm doing the right thing here._ Kayla thought fleetingly. _I hope they don't kill each other. Or rather, Aaron doesn't kill Jess._

It was bitterly windy back outside. Kayla hurried for the subway. She was completely unaware of her surroundings now, her thoughts back up in the BRITDOC office where Aaron had promised Kayla she'd make Jess an offer. 

"Lady are you new?" A stout businessman behind Kayla gestured impatiently at her with his briefcase as she got caught in the turnstile. Swiping her metro pass again and ignoring him, she pushed through. 

_When you want us tonite?_  
_YAS Dinner Party Kaylas back! ETA??_  
_FOOOOOD_

Kayla clung to a pole in the subway car and read the incoming reply texts to her invites from her friends as she barreled through the underground. 

_I'll be home by 7 come by anytime. We'll eat around 8ish._

She still had to stop and grab tomatoes. And champagne. After all they'd be celebrating tonight. Lost in her thoughts Kayla almost didn't get out at her stop. 

_Can someone bring wine?_ She texted her group once more.

In the produce aisle, Kayla's phone continued to ping. 

_She signed on. I'll have her start beginning of Feb._ Aaron. 

Kayla too-tightly twisted the thin plastic bag holding her tomatoes as relief washed over her in waves. 

***********

Alex let herself in. Courtney was with her. Kayla was tying her apron on behind her back. "Hi gals!" She called cheerily as she heard them enter. 

"Yooo long time no see." Alex dunked a couple bottles of champagne in the bowl of ice Kayla had laid out on the counter. 

"Right?" Kayla went in for a hug. 

Courtney was still tossing off her shoes in the entrance way. "Sara and Jules are on their way. Their train got stopped." 

Alex hadn't released Kayla from embrace. "What are we celebrating here, Kay? This is so sudden and you've seemed a little distracted at work the past couple days. Everything alright?" 

Kayla's mouth twisted shyly. 

"Oh, my God, is this about that blonde chick who ditched WIP night?" Courtney sauntered into the room, jabbing an accusatory finger in Kayla's direction. "It is, isn't it?" 

Kayla didn't respond for a second, feeling her cheeks redden. 

"Is she coming here? Did you invite her over?" Alex was slowly putting two and two together from scanning Jess's resume at work. She let go of Kayla to examine her. "Oh shit, you had your ex get her a job and now we're having a celebratory dinner, huh?" 

Kayla had hoped she wasn't so easy to read. Did Jess find her as transparent as her friends did? She wished earnestly this was not the case. 

"Is _Aaron_ coming tonight?!" Courtney exclaimed. 

"You guys, please." Kayla inhaled sharply, waving them off. "Yes, Aaron hired Jess. Just this afternoon. I recommended her because she's perfect for the position, and because everybody deserves to get out of Fox News."

"It helps she's hot and you've bedded her though," Courtney smirked. 

" _Bedded her_ , really!" Kayla snapped disapprovingly. She was beginning to regret having told them _everything_ that happened while she was at Fox. 

"Is she cool? We didn't really get a chance to know her the other night, y'know?" Alex apparently thought the conversation was veering in a direction that warranted pregame imbibing, and was rummaging through drawers for something to grip a champagne bottle with. 

"She's very cool," Kayla replied softly. 

Alex and Courtney shared a knowing glance. 

"So is Aaron gonna be here? Things could get interesting." The cork gave a pop and Alex caught it in a dishcloth. 

"Can you wait? Everyone isn't here yet." Kayla was becoming impatient, and beginning to question her actions. "Aaron's not coming, she didn't think it'd be proper." 

Courtney dropped into a kitchen chair. "So I'm alone in my sarcastic wit this evening. She will be missed." 

Kayla took the champagne from Alex, setting it back in the ice to breathe. She shrugged. "Jess is pretty witty." 

"Jeeze you are super into this girl." Courtney observed. 

Kayla tossed her a look over her shoulder. 

"Hey, we'll be cool." Courtney held up innocent hands. "Just feel bad for Aaron, is all." 

"Well don't feel too bad for her," Alex interjected. "Remember how she behaved during the break up." 

"Guys..." Kayla gave a warning stare at the pair. 

"Yeah, what a mess." Courtney conceded. "Well here's hoping this Jess is The One." 

A warm feeling fled through Kayla from her chest to her extremities. _The One?_

"Anybody home?" Julianne's voice came from the door. "Sara has to pee." 


	7. Maybe

Jess took a turn about the space, swirling her wine glass. It was truly beautiful up here, with the city lights bouncing off the window panes, the sounds of traffic muted and the view of the stars a little better from this height. The snow had stopped, not accumulating enough to block the view from the skylights, but resting along the ledges outside the greenhouse in a sheet of glitter. 

Finally Jess sat down on a whicker sofa by a huge palm plant, listening to the calm music floating through speakers peppered around the rooftop. She sipped her wine and smiled. Kayla’s residence was so beautiful, so…her. 

She watched as Kayla twirled under Alex's raised arm and her assistant pulled Kayla to her by the waist. The blonde laughed and twirled away again, making room for Sara to latch onto Alex as she left Julianne's embrace. 

Margaret Firth's choice of words from WIP night played back through Jess's mind. _Camaraderie._ Jess was more relaxed than she'd felt in ages. 

Kayla floated past the palm, swaying to the beat of the music. Her eyes caught Jess's. Jess patted the seat on the sofa next to her. Kayla sidled into it. Flashed a big smile. 

“Hi.”  
“Hi.” 

“Thank you for a wonderful evening,” Jess said softly, her eyes not leaving Kayla’s face. 

Kayla smiled back, but didn’t reply. The look from earlier at BRITDOC was back.

Julianne suddenly grabbed Jess's free hand and tugged. "C'mon, new girl." 

Kayla was watching, so Jess didn't challenge the request. Kayla held out a hand to take her wine glass and Jess rose. 

"Don't steal my woman now," Sara called over Alex's shoulder. Julianne and Sara, Jess had learned, were engaged. 

It was the perfect opportunity for a witty response insinuating Jess had feelings for the only other blonde in the room instead, but she didn't take it. Her thoughts on this were still muddled with worry. How had she not realized Kayla's affinity for stairwells had a more sinister cause? She didn't deserve to win her hostess's affections, so she certainly wasn't going to try. Even if Kayla did look at her like she was undressing her. 

She was doing it now. Jess could feel it. As she spun Julianne and lackadaisically dipped her in time to the music, Jess sensed Kayla's eyes boring into her. She felt her face growing warm, and took the first opportunity to bow out of dancing. 

Relieved to find that Courtney had taken up position in her previous seat, Jess situated herself in a chair opposite the whicker sofa. 

_Is Kayla still watching me?_ Jess chanced a glance at her. _Shoot. Yes._

Kayla held up the wine glass. "Want this back?" She had an eyebrow raised and her voice was flirty. 

"Sure," Jess managed, leaning to meet Kayla's reaching hand.

The song changed to something more upbeat, and Courtney leapt up. "May I?" She offered a hand to Kayla. 

"Please do!" Kayla jumped up just as eagerly. 

Jess gulped her wine, trying not to let her gaze linger too long on Kayla's movements. But she was mesmerized. You'd never know anything in the world troubled Kayla to watch her dance. Jess wished she could bottle Kayla's carefree enthusiasm in this moment and give it to her any time she was feeling otherwise. And the way she moved her body affected Jess in other ways. She had to battle herself not to think of similar gyrations she'd witnessed one glorious night in the past. 

"Hey, Kay? We should probably get going." Sara held her fiancé in her arms in sleepy slowdance. Julianne was leaning against her chest, eyes closed. "This one's tuckered." 

Kayla slumped in disappointment. "Ah, okay..." 

"We had better go, too." Alex piped up with a meaningful look at Courtney. 

"You're not my girlfriend, you don't own me." Courtney retorted, continuing to jive around the greenhouse. 

Alex closed the distance between them and grabbed Courtney's arm pointedly. "Yeah but you have a date tomorrow, don't you? You need all the beauty rest you can get." 

"Bite me- Oh!" Alex's intentions dawned on her, and she hastily recovered. "Yeah, I better." She huffed. 

Kayla gave an appreciative look at her friends as they collected their drinks strewn on various greenhouse surfaces. She turned to Jess. "D'you have to leave already, too?" 

Jess swallowed. She was no dummy. She knew what they were all attempting to orchestrate. And a small part of her was filled with glee at the notion. But the bigger part of her, the one that cared only for Kayla's utmost welfare, was hesitant. Although...it couldn't hurt to stay a little longer, and talk to Kayla one on one, at least. 

"I can spare a little more time," She smiled reassuringly. 

"What, your carriage doesn't turn back into a pumpkin til midnight?" Kayla was now being downright coquettish. 

Jess adored her in that moment, but couldn't bring herself to match her attitude. She hoped it wasn't disenchanting. 

"Great meeting you properly, Jess Carr." Alex stuck out a hand. 

"Yeah, you too," As Jess took it. Kayla's friends were wonderful. She was reassured knowing Kayla had them. They all made their goodbyes in turn, and Kayla followed them to the rooftop stairwell. At the last moment, reaching for the stair railing, she turned her head. "Be right back?" 

Jess nodded. 

**************

"And this...is mint." Kayla plucked a sprig from the plant Jess stood over admiringly. She held the small cluster of leaves up to Jess's nose. The fresh wintery-green scent floated into her nostrils. Kayla harvested another sprig and popped it into her mouth. Jess took the other bundle and did the same. They chewed in satisfied silence. 

"I had no idea you had a green thumb." Jess couldn't hide the admiration in her voice. 

"I don't really," Kayla admitted. "It just takes time and attention, it's a sort of therapeutic hobby." 

Jess found an in. "Kayla..." She hated to ruin the moment, but felt the need to address her concerns while they were fresh in her mind. "Why didn't you tell me about the elevator thing?" 

Kayla's face dropped instantly, and it broke Jess's heart. She immediately regretted prying. 

"What 'elevator thing'?" Kayla couldn't meet her eyes. 

Jess wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in her arms and never let go, but refrained. Before she could muster an adequate reply, Kayla sighed. 

"Yeah, okay, one of them said something to you I guess," She sounded bitter. 

"Your friends really adore you." 

"I know." Kayla fiddled with the basil plant she'd been watering as they'd walked along the little row of crops. Finally, "I guess I didn't want you to think I'm weak." 

"I'd never think that." 

Kayla smiled sadly. The thought of her upset made Jess's skin crawl. 

"Hey." She brushed Kayla's arm gently. "You're the bravest woman I know." 

Kayla chanced eye contact, an incredulous look in her gaze. 

"Seriously." Jess's hand trailed down Kayla's wrist to take her hand. "You're braver than me." 

Suddenly Kayla's lips were on Jess's. Slow, gentle. Another second and she pulled away. 

They stared at each other. 

"Kayla." It was Jess's turn for vulnerability. She was sure her expression wasn't hiding it. Everything she'd wanted out of reconnecting with Kayla was unfolding, but Jess couldn't let it go any further. Not after knowing her lack of action had left such deep wounds on Kayla. _She can't even ride a lift in her own apartment building. Because I didn't protect her._ "Not me, okay?" She let go of Kayla's hand. "You need someone who is worthy of you. You know?" 

A puzzled look came over the taller woman's face. It was clear that of all the reactions Jess could have had, this was the least expected one. Kayla took a long time raising a hand to tuck stray hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry," She finally said, "I misread. I thought you were still sorta into me." 

"It's not that-" 

"Can we remain good friends?" There was a touch of desperation in Kayla's voice now. "What do you want?" 

Jess bit her lip. "I want you to be happy. And feel safe. And loved." 

Kayla's eyebrows met at the center. She looked more obstinate than Jess had ever seen her. The determination in her narrowed eyes now even surpassed that of her expression when she'd stormed out of Fox. "Well what if I think you can give me those things?" 

Jess was almost certain her heart had stopped. She could barely allow herself to process what had just been said. It was more than Jess could've ever hoped to hear when she'd brooded over Kayla's initial email. But she couldn't put her own feelings before protecting Kayla. She'd made that mistake once. Never again. 

"I can't, Kayla. I know I can't." 

Kayla's eyes looked fit to brim with tears. 

_I'm trying to protect you, you endlessly sweet, silly girl._ Jess screamed internally. It was killing her to do this, Kayla's heartbreak was so transparent, and Jess was heartbroken over her own feelings for Kayla, too. She didn't know what to do now, so she just stood there stoically, dying inside. 

Kayla crashed against her. Her face pressed into her neck and her hands made fists of Jess's shirt at her shoulders. Kayla shook for a moment as though she were crying, but seemed to stop resolutely very quickly. Jess slowly wrapped comforting arms around her. She felt Kayla's breath on her skin as she murmured. "Stay with me tonight? Please. I don't want to be alone right now." 

"Okay." 

It was out of Jess's mouth before she'd allowed it. Her refusals of Kayla's pleadings were spent for the night. Now she'd jump off the roof if she asked her to.

********

Re-entering the apartment they found it quiet and warm. Kayla went through the living room shutting off lights.

"Can I help with anything?" Jess felt useless and emotionally devastated. She needed a distracting task. 

Kayla just shook her head. She was in her own thoughts. "I can take the couch, if you'd rather not share a bed with me." 

_This is gonna be a long night._ "I'll do what you want me to do." 

Kayla stopped folding an afghan and draped it over the back of the sofa. She examined Jess. 

"I don't ride the elevator because it reminds me of how _I_ let me down." 

They blinked at each other, and when Jess didn't contribute anything, Kayla continued. 

"After the first trip up to his office I knew what he was. And yet I still climbed aboard and pressed 2 again and again. I didn't think I was worth more than what he asked of me. I'd fucking tell myself as much _in that fucking elevator._ Despite what certain people - i.e. _you_ \- were telling me about myself." 

She slowly approached Jess until they faced each other not a foot apart. "I'm happy now. And I feel safe. It's just going take some time to sort out a few leftover pieces of baggage." She reached for Jess's hands. "No one made me return to his office day after day. And I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because then you'd never blame Jess Carr again. But that place has given you baggage too." 

Jess opened her mouth to interject but Kayla wasn't finished. 

"And if anything, the fact you're so obsessively concerned over how your actions could potentially hurt me proves you're more than worthy."

Jess was momentarily speechless. Processing. She liked the way Kayla's version of events painted Jess. And she liked that Kayla seemed to want her so badly she was still trying to persuade her into caving. Jess just wasn't sure she was capable of re-evaluating all her opinions on this. 

"I did want to help you escape Fox," Kayla continued, "But I also reached out to you selfishly." 

"Kayla, you're not selfish." 

"Just listen to me. You said you want me to be happy and safe and loved? Well the closest I've ever felt to having all three was with you. Leaving that job did a world of good. But it left a you-shaped hole in my life." 

Jess felt the tears coming, and then they were hot on her cheeks. Kayla had never seen Jess cry, and it startled her visibly. Powerless to keep them from falling, Jess allowed herself to be enveloped in Kayla's embrace. "When have you ever had a shoulder to cry on, Jess?" Kayla whispered gently, rubbing her back. "I don't think you even fully realize the toll that place takes on a person. The toll it's taken on you." 

She knew Kayla was right, but Jess was so overcome with emotions pulling her in so many different directions she was too overwhelmed to think.

"Come lay down with me." Kayla persuaded. 

************

The duvet settled over Jess as Kayla slipped under it beside her. She'd borrowed an oversized t-shirt of Kayla's with some Bible verse plastered across the back, a leftover souvenir from a church family fun run. Kayla wore her usual floral pink satin notch collar shirt and shorts. 

In spite of her emotional exhaustion, Jess caught herself wisecracking, "Slumber party Barbie." 

Kayla put a hand to her chest, mouth agape in feigned offense. 

She leaned over and clicked off the light. Then Jess felt searching limbs. An arm draped over her chest. A leg across her knees. 

"I'll have a comeback for your name calling one of these days," Came the sweetest voice. "Is this okay?" 

Jess assumed Kayla was referring to how she'd curled into her. To Jess's mind, only one thing could improve upon their current situation. 

"No, it's not." She said. But before Kayla could worry, Jess rolled on her side. "Put your back to me?" She requested. 

Kayla rolled over obligingly, no questions asked. Jess wasted no time in scooping up her little spoon to her. 

"Better?" Kayla inquired over her shoulder. 

"Best." Jess whispered into her hair. 

Kayla found Jess's arm encircling her tightly and caressed it up and down with light fingertips.

Jess closed her eyes and allowed the scent of bergamot to overtake her. _This feels right._ She noticed. _Maybe it is._ She nuzzled her way through Kayla's hair and pressed her lips to the back of Kayla's neck in a soft kiss. 

"I want to try with you, Kayla. More than anything," She murmured, "If I could protect you just like this forever, I would." 

Kayla released a sleepy, contented sigh. She sounded as though she were already half drifted off to sleep. But her reply was loud and clear as she pulled Jess's arm more tightly around her. "From you? I've come to expect nothing less." 


	8. Worth It

Jess was careful to keep Kayla nestled against her all night. She awoke several times and drew her closer. Nevertheless when she finally opened her eyes again to see the morning light slowly growing in the room, she found herself curled up facing Kayla, their foreheads nearly touching. 

Kayla’s breathing came in the easy pattern of good sleep, her little exhales a distinct flutter of sound. Her hand rested just above Jess’s left breast, as though at some point during the early morning hours Kayla’d turned in search of her heart.

Jess then became aware of Kayla's legs tangled up in her own. _Jesus._

Gradually, so as not to wake her, Jess withdrew until her thighs were no longer trapping one of Kayla's legs. Her task completed, she realized she'd been holding her breath, and sharply sucked in air. Whether it was this sound or the preceding movement, Kayla's eyes fluttered open. Catching Jess in her sights, a drowsy smile played across her face. "Mm, g'morning."

"Hey there," Jess murmured. Uncertainties didn't seem as prevalent in her mind with the break of a new day. She reached out and brushed strands of hair behind Kayla's ear. The hand on Jess's chest slipped away so a thumb could trace Jess's bottom lip.

 _Oh no._ Jess caught Kayla's hand in hers before something else transpired and kissed it softly. 

A wide awake smile broke out over Kayla's face. "I could make you breakfast," She proposed.

"Or," Jess touched the other woman's hand to her nose playfully. "We could stay right here til the end of time."

The turquoise eyes looking at Jess darkened. She felt Kayla's feet graze her own. The younger woman was biting her bottom lip, revealing a perfect row of top teeth. "Okay..." She said delicately.

Jess stifled a shiver. She hadn't meant it the way Kayla took it. But she wasn't sure she had any more defenses in her arsenal should Kayla initiate something. She remembered with relish what being that close to Kayla had felt like one night last spring. She wanted to revive it right this second, but...

Jess freed Kayla's hand and and rubbed sleep out of her eyes, trying to shake her thoughts.

"It's like 7 am," Kayla mused, reading her mood. "Why don't you go back to sleep for a little while?" She reached over Jess and found the hem of her t-shirt, slipping her hand underneath and running gentle fingers along her back. Jess gave in to the sensation, cuddling closer to Kayla until her head was buried in her chest. Everything was right in the world as Kayla's chin settled softly on the top of her head and Jess pressed her cheek further into the satin of Kayla's night shirt.

Jess drifted off for some minutes without realizing it, and reawoke to find that Kayla had moved on to her ear, tracing it tenderly with a careful index finger. As cosy and wholesome as all of this was, Kayla had unknowingly found one of Jess's weaknesses. She stirred, throwing the blankets off herself as she felt her body growing hot.

Jess propped herself up on a pillow with her elbow and gazed at Kayla. Cleared her throat. Swallowed, with momentary wide eyes. Once fully collected she inquired, "Does Miss Pospisil have plans for today?" 

Kayla watched this unfold with some amusement. Then searching Jess's eyes, replied slowly, "It's the weekend, I have no real obligations until tomorrow...Why?" 

A goofy look formed on Jess's face. "Kinda thinking I wanna take you on a date."

Kayla's eyes sparkled. "Oh, _do_ you?" 

Kayla was too pretty. It was too much. _She never shoulda touched my ear._

"Uh huh." Jess croaked. She sat upright, mostly to prevent herself from leaning in and kissing Kayla.

 _Do things the right way this time, J.C._ Her thoughts admonished, _Plus, you've most likely got morning breath._

That did the trick. She reached for Kayla's bedside table and retrieved her glasses and her phone. Finding the Open Table app, she browsed through several options before a smirk evolved across her face. She typed for several seconds before triumphantly setting the phone back on the table and stretching luxuriously. 

"What did you just do?" Kayla accused. 

"Not a thing." Jess looked innocently up at Kayla's ceiling. Then making eye contact again, "I need coffee. D'you need coffee?" 

**************

Jess knew she probably looked a little crazy on the train back to her apartment, smiling at everyone who accidentally made eye contact with her. But she couldn't help it. She couldn't get the image of her and Kayla's parting out of her head. 

They'd thrown on yesterday's clothes and bundled up to grab Starbucks together in the morning snow shower. Jess had convinced Kayla to reconvene with her that afternoon. She needed a shower. And a wardrobe change. And to redo her hair in a way that would mess Kayla up again. 

Because Kayla messed her up. Standing there on the sidewalk by the subway station stair, Kayla didn't even have to try to be someone Jess could fall in love with. The twinkle in her eyes suggested maybe Kayla felt the same way. That cheery little face poking out of a scarf, mittened hands raising a steaming to-go cup to lips that promised, "See you at 5." 

_God._

Would it ever be 5 o'clock? But there was so much to do before then. Time seemed to Jess to be toying with her. 

*************

“Guess we should’ve met up indoors somewhere, huh?” Jess called through a gust of snow as she strode into the small park towards Kayla. 

Kayla did a double take. The wind lifted Jess’s curls and they danced across her cheeks. Her glasses must’ve been tucked away safe and dry in her coat somewhere. Kayla took in the unobstructed view of Jess’s dazzlingly ice blue eyes, but there was nothing frosty about the way they gazed at her.

“Cute, isn’t it?” Jess swept an arm around the path. 

“I love it here,” Kayla managed, but she wasn’t admiring the park. 

“You’ve been here before?” Jess looked impressed.

Kayla found herself blushing. “A few times, to the Inn.” She tossed her head behind her in the direction of Christopher Street. 

Jess sheepishly dug her fists deeper into her pockets. “See? Braver than me,” she admitted. “I’m surprised, since Antichrist Obama made this place a National Monument and everything.” 

Kayla reached out and gave Jess a playful shove. “Oh my God, shut up!” She was surprised, too. “You’ve never been in the Stonewall? Do you wanna go, right now?” 

Kayla felt a pang of guilt as she watched anxiety spread over Jess’s face and she shifted uneasily from foot to foot. Or maybe she was just cold? “I’ll go in February. With you.” Jess returned evenly.

 _Jeeze. She’ll continue to be a closet case til she’s physically out of Fox for good, then._ Kayla realized with some pain.

She made her best effort to smile reassuringly. “February? Trying to be my Valentine or something?” She felt stupid making a joke of an idea that to her was such a meaningful notion, but she’d do anything to make Jess smile. “I missed you when you went home,” she dared herself to add.

That seemed to perk Jess up. “Ditto, baby.” 

_Baby._

Sure, she’d said it in her silliest tone of voice, but that didn’t stop Kayla’s heart picking up speed or her brain echoing the word on loop.

 _Lord, whatever I have to do to keep her by my side saying that, help me do it._ She sent up in silent prayer.

“We have reservations down the street.” Jess announced, glancing up and down the area before gallantly holding her arm out to Kayla. “It’s not the Stonewall, but it is indoors.”

Kayla noticed herself shivering with cold and slipped her arms around Jess’s offered one for warmth. The contact instantly warmed her in more ways than one.

“What's the venue called?” She murmured into Jess’s shoulder, nuzzling the cold tip of her nose there.

The wind had mostly subsided; snowflakes now floated in slow motion towards the ground in the cushioned silence that comes at the end of a winter storm. Jess steered them away from the park in the opposite direction of the Stonewall Inn.

"You'll seeee." 

There were few people out on the street, but they passed several. Jess seemed to stiffen a little each time, but didn't release their intertwined arms. Kayla felt the glance of an older male couple walking in the opposite direction. One of them beamed at the women, and Kayla could've died of happiness. 

_Yes, I AM on the arm of this beauty._ She narrated to herself. _Lucky me, lucky me, lucky me._ She had to stop herself from skipping.

Not two blocks on, Jess halted in front of a white-arched doorway. 

"One if by Land, Two if by Sea." She said. 

"What?" Kayla narrowed her eyes, processing. "Is that where we're going? Oh my God, is that where we are? Jess." She let go of the shorter woman's arm and examined her harshly. "Are you crazy?" 

"Whoa, bad choice?" Jess's eyebrows raised as she observed Kayla in return, some bemusement showing. 

"Seriously, are you crazy?!" Kayla demanded again. "This place is like, a legend. Mostly for being super fancy and, well, expensive." 

"Is it?" Jess remained aloof and unabashed. "I just heard the tofu's good and it's romantic in there." 

"Jess!" Kayla forced her to meet her eyes. She knew neither of them were really hurting for money. But it was the principle of the thing. She couldn't conceive of Jess trying to take her to a place like this. Although...She hated to admit Jess was right about one thing: It was considered one of the most romantic dinner destinations _in the world._ She swallowed as Jess maintained eye contact. Kayla wasn't going to win this argument, and beyond her initial surprise, she suspected she didn't want to. 

She wanted to follow stubborn little Jess Carr into the stupid fancy romantic restaurant.

*************

"I'm becoming less and less upset with you," Kayla told Jess as they settled into their chairs at a table directly in front of a fireplace. The fire crackled peacefully behind a golden-winged screen and gave off a great amount of heat. A fully suited waiter strode over and lit the single white taper candle on the table between them. 

"Thanks," Jess said to him as she leaned back against her chair cushion. Then she looked back up at Kayla with a casual smirk. "So you forgive me?" 

Kayla shook her head. "I'm beginning to believe there's nothing you could do that would ever upset me." 

Jess gave her a quizzical look and took a moment to chew on the fingernail of her thumb. Then she exhaled a short laugh behind her hand. "Couldya tell that to my new boss?" 

Kayla's eyebrows shot up. "Was Aaron rude to you? Be honest." 

Jess let her hand fall to the table and sat up a little straighter. "No, she wasn't. I did get the impression she and I have more in common than I thought, though." 

_She's got me there._ Kayla blushed and gave an embarrassed chuckle. "Alright, I'll come clean. She _was_ my girlfriend, at one point. Briefly."

"Aha." Jess didn't sound the least bit surprised. 

"She was there for me when I came out to myself properly. She was super sweet and patient about it." Kayla didn't know why she felt the need to explain herself. She didn't believe Jess needed her to. But maybe she just wanted to be completely transparent with the older woman. "Not that you weren't there for me, and super sweet and patient too." She smiled wanly. 

"If I remember right, 'I'm not a lesbian,' were your exact words," Jess leaned closer over the table, resting her chin in her hand, a look of amusement on her face. 

"Yes..." Kayla trailed off as the waiter returned. Inquired about drinks. "Rosé for me." 

"Me too." 

They watched the waiter depart. 

"So what happened?" 

Kayla sighed. "A lot. She was...a lot." The prompt waiter returned with a bottle and poured their rosé. Kayla grabbed her glass. "Frankly I think the real crux of the problem was that she was not you." Kayla reached over, clinked Jess's glass and kept her eyes on her as she took a sip.

 _Too far? Maybe I shouldn't have said that._ Kayla chided herself. Jess was staring at her with a look she couldn't figure out. It unsettled Kayla. Another beat passed before Jess picked up her rosé and took her time drinking from the glass. She swallowed carefully and sucked her lips in between her teeth. Then she released them. Set down her wine. 

"Kayla if you'll let me I'm going to kiss you before the night is out. Just so you know."

 _Let you?! I've been silently begging you to kiss me for days...Oh. My God._ As if Jess could get any sexier to Kayla in that moment she ran a hand through her hair to get the curls out of her face. Then she dug around in her pants pocket and withdrew a glasses case, cracked it open, and slid her glasses on. 

"There we go!" She said, raising her hands in a triumphant gesture. "Now I can see you in your full glory." 

Kayla felt herself becoming incredibly shy. She could feel Jess's eyes going over every inch of her. Which is exactly what Kayla had wanted when she'd pulled the low cut red dress from her closet earlier. She just didn't know how she was going to make it through a four course dinner with the suggestion of Jess's lips being on hers later. 

"So why was Aaron a lot?" Jess had gone back to her rosé but her eyes hadn't stopped their roaming. 

"Ugh, we don't have to talk about her. I wasn't as invested as she was, that's all. And she's still struggling with it." 

"And can't say no to you." 

Kayla winced. _Jess knows exactly why she was hired._ "Well...Not many people can." She playfully bit her lip. "I imagine you wouldn't be able to say no to me either." 

Jess held up her wine glass in acknowledgement. "This is true. So what do you want, K? Here's your opportunity. Ask for something I have to say yes to." She swirled her rosé a little and made a funny face, bracing herself. 

Filled with delight that Jess was finally reciprocating in the silliness, Kayla was transported to the first night they'd flirted at that bar. 

The waiter returned with their first course. "Truffle honey burrata with balsamic pearls." He set plates before each of them. 

Jess rubbed her hands together, picking up a fork and knife. "Yes, talk cheese to me." 

Kayla stifled a laugh as she watched Jess enjoy the appetizer for a moment. "Good?" 

Jess stuck a thumb up and nodded vehemently. Kayla took a couple bites, savoring the luxuriousness of the dish. 

"Okay. I know what I want from you." 

Jess looked up expectantly. 

"After dessert let me take you for a nightcap at Stonewall." She wasn't sure Jess would actually be able to honor her agreement to say yes. Kayla knew she was pushing it. It was a lot to ask, and maybe a little cruel to do so. She was just certain Jess would have a good time, and feel a little better if she could only release some of the weight she always carried around on her shoulders. 

It evidently wasn't the request Jess had expected. She continued to chew thoughtfully for a moment before replying. "Okay." She finally said. "Okay, you win." 

"Really?" 

Jess reached across the table and tapped Kayla on the tip of the nose, letting her hand fall back to the table on Kayla's side. Grinned. "Really." 

She'd finished her appetizer, and Kayla only had a few bites left. With one hand she slipped her fingers through Jess's. With the other she forked a last bit of burrata and held it up for Jess to take. 

"You don't want it?" 

Kayla chuckled. "I want you to have it." 

"It's so frickin' good," Jess confessed, taking the offer. Their eyes met as Kayla slipped the utensil slowly out of Jess's mouth.

"Tell me something I don't know about Jess." Kayla said when they'd finished off the cheese. She felt a sudden need to know everything about her. 

"Hm, like what?" 

Kayla thought for a moment. "When did you become a vegetarian?" 

"Seventh grade after a science fair. This kid did his project on chicken farms. You?" 

"College journalism class. Paper on PETA." 

The smiled at each other. 

"Lemongrass tofu?" The waiter had reappeared to clear and replace their plates. 

"Thank you." Kayla turned to him. 

Jess picked up another fork to spear a cube of tofu. "Okay. Favorite book? And don't say O'Reilly's Killing Lincoln." 

"The Thornbirds." 

"What's that?" 

"An old Christian romance novel, well kind of. It ends with zero conflict resolution." 

"Well that's no fun." 

"I read it in junior high. It left me with a lifelong resolve to go after the things I want, 'The best is only bought at the cost of great pain,' so says the book, anyway." Kayla gave a small smile at her plate. "I think I took that the wrong way until very recently, though." She hoped Jess would know she was referring to her time at Fox. 

"And now?" 

"Now I think it means the way to be happiest isn't always the easiest. But still worth it." 

"Brave, beautiful and smart, to boot." Jess shook her head incredulously. 

"Go on, what's your favorite book, then?" 

"Killing Lincoln." 

"Oh shut up." 

*************

Kayla set down her spoon on the shared plate of chocolate souffle and vanilla ice cream they'd just demolished. "Well this place was dangerously good." 

"Glad I thought of it." Jess licked the back of her own spoon with a cocky glance at Kayla. 

Under the table, Kayla found one of Jess's legs with her foot and dragged the toe of her shoe up Jess's ankle. "You still up for the Inn?" 

Jess froze at the contact, the effect Kayla had hoped for. 

"Ah, yes, um, what're you doing?" She fidgeted in her seat with a reproving look in her eyes. 

"Making sure you stay awake with all that food in you," Kayla flashed a flippant grin. 

"Yes, I'm very alert, thank you." Jess's chin dropped with wide eyes focusing on the tablecloth. 

Kayla laughed and withdrew her foot. Slowly. For a moment they just gazed at one another through the candlelight.

The waiter returned. “I’m guessing I'm to give this to the one in the suit?” He made a little bow, extending the checkbook to Jess. 

“Bold assumption, but a correct one,” Jess gave him a little salute as she popped her card in the fold and the waiter turned away to settle up. 

"I have another request." Kayla honed in all her courage to see if she could get Jess to say yes to her one more time. 

"'Thank you for dinner' is what a normal person might say right now," Jess teased. 

Kayla exhaled impatiently. "Yes, that too," She admitted with an appreciative smile. 

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. What do you want, babe?" 

_There's that word again. Well almost._ Kayla was pretty certain she could get another yes now. If she was brave enough to ask the question. _Jess thinks you're brave. Prove it._

"Stay at mine again tonight?" 

"Thank you lovely ladies, have a good rest of your evening." 

The waiter handed Jess a pen and she went to work on the receipt. Then she raised an eyebrow meant for Kayla, without looking up.

"Somebody must really want that kiss I offered." 


	9. Nightcap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After drafting this I was informed that there is in fact no jukebox behind the pool table at the Stonewall despite my memory thinking there was. Oop. I left it in anyways, so please employ a lil suspension of disbelief. This chapter was originally twice as long so it's been chopped into 2. The lemon is coming, promise.

Back outside on the snowy sidewalk, Kayla couldn’t stop herself from gazing at Jess. She could feel a foolish grin spread across her face but didn’t attempt to conceal it. She most likely couldn’t have even if she tried. 

_Who would blame me for staring at Jess Carr?_

The shorter woman was absent-mindedly observing passing traffic, lost in her thoughts. She seemed to notice Kayla’s eyes on her after a few minutes, and turned her head. Jess gave Kayla the smallest sly smile and took her hand. It tore an electricity through Kayla. She slipped her fingers through Jess’s and clasped her hand back tight. Bold Jess was Kayla’s favorite Jess. 

If only she’d be bold enough to make good on that promise of a kiss. Kayla refused to be the one to initiate it. Not after the conversation it had led to the night before. 

_How do I convince this woman I’m okay? That I want her. What more can I do?_

“Tell me something else I don’t know about you?” She found herself asking. 

“Anything in particular?” 

“Who really was that in the framed photo on your desk at work?” 

Jess exhaled, averting her eyes, ears reddening. “That was Bethany, my best friend. She went through a bicurious phase senior year of college. Broke my heart.” She grimaced. “It’s all good now, we’re still friends. She moved to Maine but we keep in touch." She looked back up at Kayla with an exposed expression on her face, though not trying to conceal it. "Basically, she was the first girl my dumb ass ever fell for."

Kayla’s eyebrows knitted in sympathy. Honest, vulnerable Jess might be even better than the bold one. “Oh my God you really do thrive in toxicity.” She stroked Jess’s thumb with her own. Jess gave her hand a squeeze. 

“Wanna know the first girl my dumb ass ever fell for?”

Jess bit her lip, feigning concern as her eyes trained on the path in front of them. “Jealousy is not a good color on me Kayla, spare me, I beg of you.” 

Kayla’s mouth twisted into a sly smirk. “Okay...but I think you’d have liked my answer.” 

Jess’s head whipped back up. She shot a quick glance at the younger woman before dropping her eyes once more. 

_Yep, she caught my drift. Good._

“Are you warm enough?” Jess’s concern for her welfare was interrupting again. 

Kayla sidestepped to face Jess as they walked, and grabbed their clasped hands in her other one. “I’m _very_ warm, thank you.” She made a show of shaking her hair over her shoulder; Jess’s eyes didn’t leave her. Kayla reveled in the way the older woman seemed to be trying to memorize every inch of her face. 

Kayla turned back around. Jess was even easier to captivate than Aaron. Except it was a whole lot more fun toying with Jess. Exciting. There was more at stake. Kayla’s feelings were on the line here, too. 

_If only she’d kiss me._

She caught herself gazing at Jess’s lips. They were perfect, the lower, slightly bigger one gave her the cutest permanent almost-pout.

Jess stopped, looking up. "Here we are." The red neon-lit sign of The Stonewall Inn reflected off her glasses. 

"Are you sure this is okay?" Kayla asked her. 

Jess nodded. "I've wanted to come here for years, but." 

Kayla gave her a slow, suggestive smile. "...We could still always do...something else?"

Jess's jaw clenched, eyes growing wide. It was clear she was battling which of Kayla's desires she was brave enough to chase. 

The gay bar must've won out. She strode forward, yanking the door handle. 

"After you." 

***************

"You sure you're over 21 there, girlie?" A bartender with frizzy brown hair called out to Kayla with a toothy grin. 

"AJ!" Kayla bounded up to the counter and strained to hug the brunette over it.

“It has been far too long, where’ve ya been?” She clapped Kayla on the back. “Where’s your other half?” The woman craned her neck and squinted across the dimly lit space. 

_Forgot I haven't ever come in here without Aaron._ “Ooh, um, about that...” Kayla dropped her eyes. _Shit._

AJ caught her drift. “Ah well, you’re too good for her anyway. Stace said she was clingy when they were together. So you dodged a bullet, Poppy. Here alone? Your usual tap?” 

“Not alone. Not sure what we’ll drink yet. How’s Stacy?” 

“Hot and problematic as ever. Who are you with? Where is she? Dish!” AJ was back to scanning the room. 

Kayla flushed beet red and delicately pointed to the front entrance, where Jess still stood poring over the historic sign in its frame. This is a RAIDED PREMISES. She turned as if on cue, found Kayla with her eyes and smiled, shuffling towards her at the bar hesitantly. 

“Whoaaa, go Poppy.” AJ muttered.

Kayla shot her a look. “We’re not technically together, I don't think.” She whispered hastily as Jess approached. 

“Well you’re both sure dressed like you’re trying to win each other over.” AJ shot back under her breath. Then brightly, “Hi! I’m Anjelique!” She extended a hand to Jess.

A hoard of guys heading to the back stairs cut in front of Jess. In the moment it took them to saunter past, AJ leaned in to Kayla’s ear, “She’s a bombshell.” 

Kayla waved a hand in her face to shut her up.

"Jess Carr. Nice to meet you, Anjelique.” Jess said meekly when she was finally able. 

“My friends call me AJ.” AJ smiled. “What can I get you girls?” 

Kayla turned as she leaned against the bar, a flirty and inquisitive look at Jess. 

“You tell me,” Jess's bewilderment was apparent. 

“Two rum and cokes then, please.” Kayla decided.

“Can I see some ID?” AJ teased. 

“Oh haha.” When AJ turned to prepare the drinks Kayla reached down carefully and tangled two of her fingers in two of Jess’s. “So what do you think?” 

Jess surveyed the room. A few tables stood claustrophobically against the wall behind them, stools filled to capacity with a beautiful bouquet of colorful people. Some not lucky enough to have found a seat stood behind their friends, but didn’t seem to mind. A pool table lay beyond that, where five butch women were in heated but lighthearted argument over whose turn it really was. One of them was waving her cue stick with great enthusiasm. A jukebox was tucked back in the corner beyond; someone had chosen Queen. 

“It feels like stepping back in time a little, doesn’t it?” Kayla contributed. Jess nodded. 

AJ clinked the glasses on the bar top to grab their attention. “There ya go, Poppy.”

“What do I owe you?”

“Oh please.” 

The pair drifted towards the far side of the pool table to watch the game. 

“You know every woman in all of gay New York City, don’t you?” Jess finally said. 

Kayla laughed. “Oh no. But Aaron, Julianne, and Sara do. Connections.” 

“ _Camaraderie_.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” One side of Jess’s mouth twitched upwards, “ _Poppy_.” 

Kayla felt herself blush again. She hid her face in her drink. Then, "Over here, I want to show you something."

Jess followed as Kayla led the way past the bathrooms into a smaller, darker room behind. She pointed up at a glittering, rainbow-colored wall lit by a spotlight. Small, silver, hexagonal name plates peppered the surface. Kayla gestured exuberantly. "The ancestors."

Kayla looked on as Jess gazed upwards, taking in all the names. She swallowed, the impact of LGBT history seemed to be having a great effect on her. Swelling with pride for the foremothers, and also a bit too much adoration for Jess, Kayla reached up and pointed to a plate reading _Stormé DeLarverie_. She leaned in to speak softly against Jess's ear.

"Butch woman of color who used to be a bouncer for New York's gay bars. She called every lesbian she met her _baby girl_. And she punched a cop here on that historic night. She denied it for most of her life, but, they say, owned up to it on her deathbed."

"Badass." Jess gazed up reverently for another moment before turning to Kayla with full eyes. "Thank you for convincing me to come in here, baby girl."

Heat spread through Kayla's entire body. She could barely manage a response, "I knew you'd like it."

After a little while they floated back towards the front room, following the sound of the music.

A couple of guys brushed by them, holding one another and swaying to the song emitting from the jukebox. The taller of the two nearly stepped on Kayla. 

Jess shook her head, an impatient glance at them. She took a swig from her glass and set it on the jukebox. “Hey, c’mere.” 

She pulled Kayla in to her by the waist. Kayla settled her arms naturally around Jess’s shoulders, holding her drink out behind the shorter woman’s head. Their eyes met. The music wasn’t Queen anymore. 

“Do you know this song?” Kayla asked softly. 

“Huh uh.” Jess barely seemed to hear it; she suddenly looked as though her thoughts couldn’t possibly be on anything going on around them. 

_Please._ Kayla thought wildly, _Do it._

And suddenly Jess’s lips were on hers. A soft brush, light pressure. She withdrew slowly, and looked back into Kayla's eyes with her own barely open ones. Her pupils were huge inside their little blue pools, and not only because of the dimly lit bar. Jess gave a small incredulous smile, like she couldn't believe she'd just done that.

Kayla couldn't believe she'd stopped. She withdrew her arms to set down her rum and coke. Then grabbed Jess by the collar and pulled her towards her until their lips met again. As they kissed Kayla felt a hand climbing her back, stopping between her shoulder blades and pressing her closer. Then Jess’s tongue tentatively ran along Kayla’s bottom lip. Asking permission. Kayla melted against Jess, parting her lips. It felt insane how much she'd wanted this again.

Their tongues found one another and danced in each other's mouths. Jess was so perfect it took Kayla's breath away. If nothing but this ever happened again for the rest of her life, she'd consider her life exceedingly well lived. She gently released her grip on Jess's collar and slipped her hands up Jess's neck into her hair. Jess withdrew her tongue and instead gently nipped Kayla's bottom lip with her teeth, slowly pulling away and hastily coming back to kiss her again. 

_God._ Kayla tried her best to keep up and not go completely limp in surrender. But her desperate fingers were tugging at Jess's hair, tangled up in it, which only seemed to encourage Jess's tantalizing behavior. Kayla pulled away after another moment so she could collect herself. _We're in public, after all._ She reminded herself. _Any longer and I might make a scene in front of God and everybody. I can't breathe, my heart is racing, I'm wet, I-_ Their eyes reconnected. Jess had a glimmer in her eyes that didn't match the shock the shape of her mouth conveyed. 

In unison they went for an embrace, holding on as though they'd never let each other go. Jess gave better hugs than any other being in the universe, of this Kayla was certain. And there were no other arms that mattered. _I'm in so much trouble here._ Kayla realized. _If this woman decides this isn't what she wants I'm absolute toast._

But Jess's shoulders were shaking. Kayla pulled back, eyes wide with the fear that she was crying. No, she was laughing. Was that good? 

"What? What is it?" Kayla demanded. 

Jess pulled her firmly back in, shaking her head. "Nothing. That was awesome." A hand ran over Kayla's hair. "That was awesome. You're so awesome." 

Kayla found herself laughing too. She laced her fingers together around Jess's back and squeezed her. Whatever the song was now, it seemed to match their giggling, and Jess moved their bodies together back and forth to the tune. They got into it, and began properly dancing with each other. Jess twirled Kayla away from her, and when she pulled her back in, Kayla kissed her. They were clumsy, taking turns taking sips of rum, stumbling, catching, laughing, more kissing. They could've been anywhere, the bar didn't exist, the people, the pool table, none of it was noticed. 

Kayla couldn't remember ever feeling this way. Is this what people meant when they waxed lyrical about falling in love? The idea terrified her, but Jess didn't. Jess was the only thing that made sense. Concluding this, she let herself fall into Jess's arms, her own tucked between their chests as their swaying slowed. 

"Jess?" 

"Yeah?" The little inquiry was said so softly Jess's voice nearly broke Kayla into a thousand pieces.

"Wanna go home now?" 

**************

Hand in hand they tripped up the stairwell away from the trains and out onto the sidewalk. There was no fighting it anymore. They were drunk on each other. Jess allowed Kayla to pull her along, almost running to keep up. 

The subway station was still three blocks from Kayla’s. Jess couldn’t make it. She halted abruptly, causing Kayla to stumble. They laughed, Jess attempting to catch her. Kayla righted herself by grabbing onto Jess’s forearms for balance. 

“Why’re we stopping?” Kayla asked breathlessly. 

Jess answered by cupping her face and kissing her. Kayla melted against her again. Jess was addicted to the feeling of Kayla’s body relaxing completely in response to her touch. Her hands left Kayla’s face and found their way down to her waist, pulling her in closer. Their hips connected.

Kayla’s lips left Jess’s, gasping. She grabbed at Jess’s hands and tugged them. “Come on, we gotta go. We have to go home. Like, right now.” 

“But I wasn’t done kissing you…” Jess pouted, attempting to pull her in again.

“No I know. Trust me.” Kayla gave another desperate tug, but wasn’t winning. 

Jess got free of her grip and clasped her hands around the small of Kayla’s back, pulling her in again. 

“Jess.” Kayla reproached halfheartedly. 

Jess kissed her again. Kayla lost all self-control, running her hands through Jess’s hair with enough enthusiasm to horrify a hairstylist. Jess’s tongue owned her, she was powerless to any response but to touch Jess as much as possible. Kayla’s hands dropped out of her hair and down her chest. 

It was Jess’s turn to be disarmed as Kayla gripped her breasts. She immediately understood Kayla’s side of the argument. She broke the kiss. 

“Yeah, upstairs!” Jess choked. “Let’s get upstairs.” 

Kayla smirked and they hightailed it to her apartment building.

They made it halfway up the stairwell before Kayla shoved Jess against a wall and kissed her hard. She unbuttoned the top couple buttons on Jess’s shirt and found Jess’s collarbone with her mouth. 

Jess’s knees threatened failure. She knew her only recourse was to give Kayla a reason to stop and continue up towards the bedroom. She ran a hand down the length of Kayla’s back, lifting the hem of her dress and slowly squeezing what she found underneath. 

That did it. Kayla released her, nipping her with another quick kiss before snatching Jess’s hand away from her. They stumbled up the rest of the stairs. 

Along the hall they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, tripping and giggling and gasping between more kisses. 

“How’re we ever gonna open the door?” Jess whined dramatically. 

In unison they tore through Kayla’s purse for the key. It fell to the floor and they laughed as they both bent to snatch it up. Jess got there first, and fumbled with it in the lock on the door. Kayla bounced on her heels impatiently and tickled Jess’s back. 

Finally falling inside, coats and shoes were thrown to the floor as they bee-lined for the bedroom. A nightlight from the attached bathroom cast just enough illumination for them to see each other’s outlines. 

At the foot of the bed they momentarily paused, facing each other, catching their breath. The atmosphere had changed. Jess ran her fingers down Kayla’s wrist and softly took her hand. They both observed this, then looked back up at each other. Kayla stepped a little closer. The shift in their temperaments was tangibly towards the tender. They still wanted to be all over each other. But they also didn’t want to take the significance of such an intimate reunion for granted. Last year, a roll in the hay had been a fun distraction. An escape from all the things they wanted to run away from. Now it seemed to mean more. They were running towards something. Together.

“You are so special to me,” Jess whispered. She felt Kayla smile against her as their foreheads brushed. 

Kayla lowered herself onto the bed, and still hand in hand, Jess gladly followed. With Kayla on her back, Jess perched above her as they stared at each other in the near darkness. 

“I need you,” Kayla finally murmured. 

“I’m here,” Jess reassured quietly. She leaned in and reconnected their lips. 


	10. Running Towards Something

“I need you,” Kayla finally murmured.

“I’m here,” Jess reassured quietly. She leaned in and reconnected their lips.

Kayla kissed her back so sweetly Jess could’ve cried. Instead she pressed her body more firmly against Kayla's, savoring the closeness. Kayla loved it, too. But she wanted Jess even closer. 

After a moment Jess suddenly withdrew, realizing she was forgetting herself. "Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked softly.

Kayla looked up at her in amazement, as though she couldn't possibly comprehend how Jess still doubted whether Kayla wanted her. It broke her heart. She brought both hands up to Jess’s face, comfortingly stroking her cheeks and taking the frames of her glasses in careful fingers. Slipping them down Jess's nose. She was so gorgeous it hurt Kayla to look at her. "Jess. I fuck myself thinking about this." She blurted it out in a desperate attempt to assuage Jess, but turned absolutely scarlet when she realized the weight of the confession. 

Jess's eyes widened for a second, then darkened heavily. A slow, incredulous smile formed across her lips. "Oh, you do not." 

Kayla sucked both her lips in, as if hiding them would prevent them from revealing anything else equally mortifying. She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. 

"Seriously?" She heard Jess say. Her voice sounded almost hoarse now. "Kayla...That's the sexiest thing I've ever heard in my life." Jess could scarcely breathe. She wished Kayla would open her eyes. She desperately wanted the gaze of the woman who fantasized about her when she touched herself. She dragged a finger down her cheek. "Hey." 

Kayla's eyes opened hesitantly, full of vulnerability. But Jess's grin reassured her that her admission had been convincing.

Kayla stretched her arm far away from them to set Jess's glasses out of reach at the head of the bed. Jess slid her fingers up the length of Kayla’s arm and retook her hand. She moved it so it was positioned over Kayla’s head, and tenderly repeated the gesture with her other arm, pressing their hands into the mattress. Kayla raised her eyebrows. She wanted to say something cute and snarky, but couldn’t find any words in her brain. She simply gazed up at her adorable captor and waited patiently for whatever Jess wanted to unfold next.

Jess wanted Kayla’s mouth. Now fully confident, she was insatiable. She pounced, feeling Kayla’s fingers curling between her own as their tongues played.

Another moment and a little whimper escaped the younger woman. It made Jess dizzy. She scooted sideways slightly, hiking a leg between Kayla’s thighs and trapping one of them between her own. The way she'd woken up that morning flashed through her mind. How badly she'd wanted to be doing all this then. She slowly moved upwards against Kayla. Another gasp greeted her ears as she nearly saw stars.

Kayla felt herself completely surrender. With a mind of their own, her legs moved further apart from one another, making room for Jess. She bit down on her bottom lip, or Jess's, she wasn't sure anymore where her mouth ended and Jess's began. She was only all too aware of the rise and fall of her hips against Jess's body, and the way it had changed the breathing of the woman on top of her.

She wanted the use of her hands back. She had to get all those stupid clothes off of Jess. She needed every inch of Jess Carr under her fingertips. Yesterday. 

"Please take your clothes off. I'm going to die." Kayla pleaded. 

In answer, Jess kissed her deeply, running a hand down her side. Fumbling with the hem of her red dinner dress.

But the younger woman was faster. The second her arm was freed she'd snaked it around Jess's back and plunged a hand between pants and skin, gripping. Squeezing. 

"Fuck," Jess breathed into Kayla's mouth. She hadn't seen that coming. She let go of Kayla's other hand, as much to free up her own as to see what Kayla would do with it. 

It landed beside the other down the back of Jess's pants almost immediately. Kayla pulled Jess up on her more firmly. Jess finally caught bunches of dress hem in her fists and tugged upwards. They worked together to wriggle Kayla out of it completely.

Jess remembered this view. As Kayla propped herself up, leaning back on her elbows, Jess felt a fleeting pity for herself of the past months, not having had the pleasure to revisit this. She wasn't going to take it for granted now. Her hands found Kayla's stomach and slowly traced her fingers around her sides. Kayla beat her to her bra clasp and unhooked it for her. Her eyes stayed on Jess intensely as the older woman took each of the straps and slowly lowered them off her shoulders. The article was a plain pastel pink, just the shade of the cardigan she'd worn on their first overnight together, just the same color as the beanie she'd kept warm in the night they reunited. Now it was the last obstacle in the way of Jess's mouth. She yanked it the rest of the way off and marveled at what was revealed. 

Kayla casually slid her elbows out from underneath her to lay back down. Jess watched, admiring the rapid rise and fall of Kayla's chest as the younger woman tried to catch her breath. The temptation was too great. Her hands grazed Kayla's breasts. She leaned back in and grabbed Kayla's lips with her own. Her thumbs pressed down on her taut nipples. Kayla moaned into their kisses. "Jess," She murmured helplessly. Her hips were back to rocking against the woman above her. "Jess, please..." She squirmed, her eyes fluttering shut. Kayla's hands failed her as she tugged at Jess's shirt. 

Jess sat up swiftly, hands slowly trailing away from Kayla's breasts to quickly lift her own shirt over her head. Then she dove hungrily back down towards the woman underneath her. Kayla made instant work of Jess's bra, a brief wrestle and they had it gone. Jess grabbed Kayla's hands and put them against the mattress over her head again. Their nipples brushed, and they both lost their breath. Jess hiked her leg further between Kayla's and pressed against her. "Jess..." Kayla whimpered helplessly, moving frantically against her.

"What do you want, baby?" Jess coaxed her through a soft half smile. 

Kayla opened her eyes and bore them into Jess's. She looked drunk with desire, focused only on one driving feeling, brought on as much by the word _baby_ as everything Jess was physically doing. "I want you in my mouth." Kayla finally murmured determinedly.

Jess felt a very obvious shudder course through her. The needy little pout on Kayla's face nearly sent her over the edge by itself. Literally disarmed, her grip loosened on the woman underneath her and Kayla seized the opportunity to free herself. Kayla's hands flew to Jess's chest, lightly shoving her onto her back. She turned over and expertly flicked Jess's pants button open in a flash, yanking them down. Jess hastily kicked her legs out of them as she found Kayla climbing onto her abdomen.

Jess's attention became entirely focused on the spot where Kayla's underwear met her skin. The thin lacy fabric was incapable of containing Kayla's arousal. She noticed Jess noticing and bit her lip. Leaned down, slipping her hands around Jess's breasts. "Any more doubts about how much I want you?" She whispered, teasing Jess's lips with her tongue before kissing her hard. "I've been wet since the bar," She added. Another slow kiss. "Are you?"

Her hands left the teasing they were giving Jess's nipples and one slid down between their bodies. Over Jess's underwear. She dragged one slow finger directly between Jess's legs. Jess involuntarily arched her back. Kayla gave one of her full-face grins. "You are." She lowered her head, finding one of Jess's nipples and circling it with her tongue. Her other hand resurfaced to squeeze the breast opposite.

"God, Kayla-" Jess couldn't see. It was all she could do to stroke Kayla's back weakly, gasping for air.

The younger woman worked tantalizingly slowly down Jess's body, delighting in riling Jess up as much as possible. At some point Jess had found the wherewithal to slip her hands down the back of Kayla's underwear. When she attempted to tease her from behind with a single finger, Kayla's head popped up and she slid further down Jess's torso. "Not yet," She said reprovingly. "It's my turn." The coquettishness Jess adored so much was back and couldn't be argued with. She gave Jess the sweetest smile as her fingers ran down her hips and hooked into her underwear, pulling them away.

Jess watched her remove them completely, with some lingering disbelief that this was all even happening. Kayla's thoughts didn't seem to be on the same page. The underwear discarded, she leapt between Jess's legs and pulled them wider apart, fingers digging into thighs. She leaned down, her hair grazing Jess's skin as she planted the gentlest of kisses directly between Jess's legs.

Jess couldn't decide whether to cry or cry out. Instead she reached down and tenderly pulled Kayla's hair out of her face. It was then that Kayla's tongue made contact. Jess forgot who she was. Her back arched again, the back of her head digging into the mattress. Kayla was savoring Jess. She was slow about it, making Jess more insane. Sounds emitted from her that she didn't know she could make. It only seemed to encourage Kayla. She finally worked her way onto Jess's clit and lingered there, sucking greedily.

She didn't know how much longer she could last. Her hands were in Kayla's hair now, pulling it and her closer. One of Kayla's hands stroked her inner thigh, the other found its way under her mouth and Jess felt a finger slip inside her, curling towards her center. "Fuck, Kayla," She gasped as a second finger joined the first. "Baby..."

Kayla's heart soared at the word, heat shooting through her as Jess's body tightened around her fingers.

"Are you gonna cum for me?" Kayla asked softly against her before running circles with her tongue around Jess's clit. Her fingers found the perfect spot to apply pressure.

"Kayla, shit, Kayla!" Jess gave her her answer as her hips left the bed. She felt as though she were falling endlessly, her pounding heart surging through her whole body as bliss overcame her. Kayla rose with her, lifting her head to watch the waves of shivering float across Jess as her fingers continued their movements, her thumb replacing her tongue.

It was several minutes before Jess's rocking against her subsided and she collapsed back onto the blankets. Kayla was so endeared to the spectacle she never wanted it to end. She watched Jess catching her breath for another moment before reluctantly withdrawing her hand and sitting back on her heels. Jess found her with her eyes. Reached for her faintly. It was apparent how utterly spent Jess was. Kayla was pleased with herself. She bent down once more between Jess's legs.

"God, Kayla, I'll die, I'll die, I can't yet, wait, I-" But Kayla had only reached down to leave a gentle kiss, and sat back up with a reassuring smile. She took her time sticking her fingers in her mouth, making a calculated show of enjoying a last taste of Jess. The exhausted woman blinked at her, feebly making another attempt to beckon Kayla to her.

Kayla laughed softly. "Okay, okay," She crawled up to Jess's side, wrapping an arm over her. Jess pulled her in tightly, a silent vow to herself to never let her go. Kayla closed her eyes happily. She felt Jess plant a kiss on her forehead.

They lay in silence for a little while, allowing their heartbeats to return to normal pace. Jess gingerly rubbed Kayla's back. Then her hand traveled lower, tracing the waistline of Kayla's underwear. She turned her face to Kayla's and reclaimed her lips.

Kayla surrendered to her once more, her palms searching upwards to hold on to Jess's shoulders. Jess easily slipped Kayla's underwear down her legs. Once free, Kayla wrapped a leg over Jess's hip, scooting closer. "I'm yours." She informed her pleadingly between kisses.

"I'll make you mine." Jess muttered back.

"Please fuck me."

"Shh.” But Jess didn't have it in her to be cruel after where Kayla had just sent her. She wanted her too badly. Needed to hear Kayla Pospisil cum for her. A single finger found her clit and gave it a quick brush.

Kayla sucked in air.

"You're so, so wet."

"Mmhm," Kayla barely managed a whimper of acknowledgement.

Jess watched Kayla's face as her finger made contact again. Kayla's brow knitted as she moaned for her. Spurred on by this enthusiastic reaction, Jess's finger slid further down. Kayla leaned in to her hand as Jess's finger found its destination.

Suddenly any lingering inhibitions flew out the window; Kayla grinded against Jess's palm, riding her finger wildly. Jess was pleasantly surprised, and aroused again. She matched the movements of her finger with Kayla, eliciting sounds of approval from the younger woman, who wrapped her straddled leg more roughly around Jess's hip.

It was all too much of a turn on for Jess. She needed more. One more deep kiss interrupted Kayla's little gasps and then she was rolling over on her, withdrawing her finger. Kayla clung to her, begging her incoherently not to stop. She needn't have worried. Jess tucked herself under Kayla's thighs, lifting them so her knees folded over across her back.

Kayla suddenly understood and pulled her in. Jess's lips connected with Kayla's body. She latched onto her clit and remained there until Kayla cried out her name.

After a long time or a short time - neither one of them were aware of how it worked anymore - they were in each other's arms, petting various parts of each other's naked bodies and breaking the stillness of the night only to reach over and kiss one another again. It had been silent for a while when Kayla whispered into Jess's hair, "I hope you don't think I'm done with you yet. Please don't fall asleep."

A tingle ran through Jess. There was no way she would drift off now. "Anything you want, Boss Lady." She returned.

But Kayla was already climbing back on top of her. She grinned, cocking an eyebrow. "Exactly."


	11. Developments

_Another morning waking up with her._

Kayla admired the sound asleep Jess. She had a stern expression on her face, as though she was taking her rest very seriously. Kayla ran fingers tenderly down the other woman's bare side. The softest skin ever. And Jess’s hands lay under her cheek as if in prayer. _My own little cherub._

And then she remembered. _Prayer._ Kayla’s eyes darted to her alarm clock, which read 9:39.

“Crap, Jess! Get up! Wake up!” 

The sleeping bundle next to her started, head up instantly, eyes wide with confusion. 

“What! Yes? What happened,” Jess garbled. 

Kayla leapt out of bed. “We have to go. Or at least, I have to go. You can stay here if you want to, but we overslept.” 

Still only semi-conscious, Jess blew out an exasperated breath, squinting and shaking a hand through the rat’s nest atop her head. She caught the clock in her blurry line of vision. “Overslept?” She mumbled doubtfully. “We didn’t exactly _sleep_ til like 6.” A dreamy, far away look recollecting the night’s activities came over her and she seemed to waken more fully.

Kayla was hardly paying attention; she’d started the shower in the adjoining bathroom and was darting naked around the room, gathering articles of clothing from a drawer here, the closet there. 

“Where d’you have to be so badly?” Jess watched the scene playing out before her with a less-than-innocent gaze. “Couldn’t we just stay in bed and-“ 

“No!” Kayla whirled around, chopping the air definitively with one swift arm motion to drive home her point. Sighing, she softened. “I mean, I have to...Church starts at 10:15.” 

Jess’s mouth gaped open for a split second before it snapped shut. She collapsed back onto the pillows with a groan. “Church...I thought you weren’t a conservative anymore...” She was nearly whining as she held her arms out above her, making grabby hands in Kayla’s direction. 

Kayla pressed a blouse to her chest and came to sit on the side of the bed. She patted Jess’s stomach. 

“Like I said, stay here. I’ll come back.” She flashed a suggestive grin and leaned in to give Jess a slow kiss. She felt her hair fall in Jess’s face, but if she minded, she didn’t show it. 

“You’re already first in line for Heaven, Kayla,” Jess gazed dreamily up at the ceiling. 

“Oh, shut up.” Kayla shook her head. “Take a nap or something,” she ruffled Jess’s untamed mane affectionately. “I’ll fix brunch for us when I get back.” 

“Mmm.” Jess’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment, but then, peeking one eye open, “I wouldn’t mind going with you, if you want me to.” 

Kayla found her thoughts screeching to a halt as Jess’s words registered. “...Really?” Skeptical. 

“What? Yeah, of course. It isn’t a big deal. My folks are vaguely affiliated Protestants. Anyway, I’m your good Christian girl Fox News producer buddy, remember?” 

Kayla hardly heard her silliness. She was fighting back tears. Aaron had always refused to go, flat out refused. _How is Jess so perfect?_ Kayla quietly slipped her hand in Jess’s.

"Okay then. Come shower with me." 

Jess sat up swiftly. "Yeah?" 

"Be good." Kayla stood and pulled her towards the bathroom. 

"I don't know if this is such a great idea, we have like 20 minutes to get to wherever the church is, and this view..." Jess's wide eyes couldn't help themselves as Kayla held the glass shower door open to her, the water slowly soaking her hair as she waited. 

She rolled her eyes. "Will you just get in already?"

Jess hesitantly put a toe on the shower tiles. "Because bossing me around is helping." She said flatly. 

Kayla forcefully set a bar of soap in Jess's hands, giving her a stern look accompanied by a smirk. "Anyway, don't you think you need a shower?"

"You're the one who was such a mess last night before I even touched you." Jess shot back. 

Kayla opened her mouth in shock. " _Jess Carr!_ The way you speak to a lady." But her facial expression gave her away. She lived for Jess's unexpected innuendos.

Jess tried to focus on the floor as she lathered herself, but even the view of water trickling down Kayla's ankles was a lot to deal with. 

"Jess?" 

"Mhm." She determinedly focused on the safe image of Kayla's toes. The nails were a carefully pedicured mauve. Nothing suggestive about that. 

"You're really sweet to offer to go with me." Kayla said gently. 

Jess looked up quickly to meet Kayla's eyes, lest her field of vision fall on anything in between. "It's really no big deal, like I said. Honest." She smiled. 

"You can look at me, you know. I like when you do." Kayla put her arms around Jess's shoulders and went in for a kiss. 

Jess fought everything in her to simply reciprocate and not take things any further. "We should get going." She reminded the younger woman once they parted. 

"You are just too good, do you know that?" Kayla asked her. She searched her eyes. "You should teach courses to guys about what it means to be a gentleman." 

Jess laughed. "I don't think that would work." She handed the soap back. Kayla set it on the ledge behind her. 

"I've changed my mind. Let's not go." Her eyes were shining. "I want you again." 

Before Jess could say anything Kayla was kissing her, backing her up against the wall. Jess felt the cold tiles against her back at the same time Kayla's warm, wet body pressed against her front. She couldn't fight it anymore and gladly took Kayla in her arms. 

************ 

With a cutesy flourish Kayla slid a plate across the kitchen bar towards the stool Jess was perched on. 

“Et voilà!” 

“Oh. My God.” Jess stared lovingly down at the eggs Benedict as though it was her true soulmate.

“I used tomato instead of ham,” Kayla pointed to the fresh slices wedged between the poached eggs and English muffins. 

“Inspired.” The older woman simply gazed at her. 

They'd made their way back into the bed after a long path from the bathroom, things escalating over and over again in the shower, across the carpet, nearly every step of the way. Finally they’d untangled their limbs and Kayla had offered to make breakfast. 

Now Kayla was gazing back at Jess, food momentarily forgotten. She giggled after a minute. “Why are we like this?"

Jess said nothing, just blinked and shook her head. Then, "I've never been like this with someone before."

"Neither have I."

Jess studied her, carefully weighing her next words. "Not even with Aaron?"

Kayla's eyes locked on her. "No, never."

Jess raised her eyebrows.

"I mean yeah, we did...stuff." Kayla shrugged. "But not like this. It wasn't the same somehow...Why are you so _jealous?_ " She scooted closer over the counter. Grinned. "I like you way better."

"Good to know." Jess tried to play it casual, but her mind was racing. It scared her how vulnerable she felt around Kayla. If she got bored of her the way she'd seemed to get tired of Aaron...Jess didn't even want to think about it. She felt far too strongly about Kayla. She was afraid she might even be falling in love with her.

"Are you okay?" Kayla asked softly. Jess noticed her searching her eyes again. "You look a million miles away."

Jess shook her thoughts back to the present. "If I was a million miles away I'd be very sad. There’s eggs Benedict here.” 

“Yes. Eat!” Kayla went about preparing a second plate for herself and made her way around the bar to sit beside Jess. 

They ate quietly, Jess intermittently gesticulating her soaring approval of the chef. Kayla had gone silent, smiling softly at each of the other woman’s reactions but seemingly otherwise in her head. 

“What’s up, K?” Jess finally inquired through a last bite of English muffin. 

“It’s stupid.” 

“I bet it isn’t.” 

“It’s just that it’s already 2:30.” Kayla lamented. “The weekend is nearly over and then you’ll go back to that horrible place and we won’t see each other.” 

Jess chewed as this reality hit, and her face scrunched up in concern, lines creasing across her forehead. “Well shit. You’re right.” Then, brightly, “Let’s just steal a car and ride off into the sunset, never to return!” Her theatrics nearly toppled her stool. 

Kayla steadied it by grabbing Jess’s knee. 

“Calm down, Thelma. Your Louise has moral convictions against theft.” 

“What better time to hash out our differences than a long road trip where you’re stuck beside me for hours on end?” Jess took the hand on her knee and lifted it to her lips for a kiss.

As silly as Jess was behaving, the idea had struck Kayla in the heart, and she wished they really could just hop in a car and explore each other. Her mind wandered through every possibility. 

Buying an old school paper road map, poring over it together. Picking a fun-sounding, unheard of town as each next destination to explore. And hearing every detail of Jess’s life in the long hours between stops. Telling Jess about her dreams. Working out how to further help Jess achieve hers. The whole wondrous adventure only drawing to an end as the car wound its way across the bends of the west coast. The urge to find the skimpiest little bikini to taunt Jess with along a California beach...

“Earth to baby girl,” Jess was waving a hand in her face. 

Kayla flushed pink. “I can’t begin to tell you what it does to me when you call me that.” 

Jess surveyed her. “I have an inkling.” She leaned in and kissed her very gently. “The first two days of the week are bullshit at Fox, as you well know.” She continued. “What if you come over Tuesday night? Something for us both to look forward to.” 

“Really?” Kayla could scarcely believe Jess wanted to spend more time with her so soon. 

“Do I have to take down my Hillary posters to persuade you? Because I will. It’s sort of a funeral shrine at this point, after our loss in November.”

“Can you keep a secret?” Kayla whispered.

Jess nodded hesitantly.

“I voted for her in November.” 

“You are so fucking hot.” 

***********

“Someone’s absolutely glowing.” Rachel remarked as Jess strutted into their cubicle cluster. “Good weekend, Jess?” 

Jess flopped onto the corner of her peer’s desk, crossing her arms, bouncing her shoulders. “Rach, Rach, Rach! You know what? It was just the _best._ ” 

The younger woman laughed at this different side of her coworker. “Well good.” She eyed Jess more closely. “Did you...get laid or something?” 

Jess’s head whipped in 360 around the office. “Shh! No! I mean- no! Shh.” 

“Oh my gosh. You and Ron? Did you finally-“ 

“Oh GOD, no.” Jess stood up. “I told you, he’s all yours.” 

Relief washed over Rachel fleetingly, but then, “I wish he knew that. I don’t think he even realizes I exist.” Rachel cast her eyes down at her keyboard. 

Jess was in a generous mood. Plus she wanted Rachel to feel some small fraction of the happiness she was feeling. “Maybe we can fix that.” 

“What do you-“ 

“Next time he comes by, I’ll work my magic.” Jess plopped into her desk chair and winked at Rachel before diving in to the day’s obligations. There was a team pitch meeting with Bill himself in thirty minutes. He was bound to be in a bad Monday morning mood.

Jess wasn't bothered.

Not even Fox could bring her down now.


	12. Technical Difficulties

Jess didn't get the chance to make good on her promise to Rachel til Tuesday.

"Hey, Carr!" Ron was finally leaning over her cubicle again just before lunch, invading her personal bubble. 

"Just the man I've been wanting to see!" Jess raised a fist in victory. 

Ron's face brightened. "That's very nice to hear. How are you?" 

"Fine, just fine, hey listen-"

"My band is going out of town this weekend. Our first out of state gig." Ron hadn't even noticed he'd talked over her. That focused. 

"Ah...uh uh," Jess pursed her lips. 

"Are you in any way interested in sort of, indie rock? We could always use a groupie, if you need a few days away from the city." 

Jess blinked at him, amazed. Pity for straight women came over her in waves. _Groupie?_ Bleck. 

"Ron? You know what? Let's do lunch." Jess stood. It was nearly noon, and she was hungry. 

"I, er, really?" Ron looked as if he couldn't believe his luck. 

"Yeah," Jess gathered her things. "You like that little diner on the corner?" 

"Uh, heck yeah, best burgers for blocks." 

"Excellent."

*****

Jess watched in mildly-amused disgust as Ron dug into the greasy monstrosity in front of him. Her heart softened for the harmless little guy, it really did, but how any woman could look upon this and feel attraction was totally beyond her comprehension. Much less the intelligent and pretty Rachel. _To each their own._ She smiled, picturing Kayla instead.

"So strictly off the record, can I ask you something?" Jess popped a french fry into her mouth. 

Hope filled Ron's eyes to the brim as he nodded enthusiastically. Jess knew she'd have to get all this out quick so as not to lead him on. 

"Your political views, outside of Fox, what are they like?" 

"My uh, political views?" 

Jess tried to be casual as she stuck out her fingers, naming topics as she raised them one by one. "Abortion, for instance. Gun laws. Gay marriage..." She tried not to blink on the last one. "You know, that sort of stuff." 

"Are you gonna refuse me a second date if you don't like my answers?" 

_Christ._

"Ron, you sweet frog prince, this is not a date. And I'm sorry, but it will never be a thing that happens, between you and I. You're a nice guy," She added quickly. "But can you answer my questions?" 

Crestfallen, but still engaged, Ron chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, I suppose abortion shouldn't be up to me, as I'm a man." 

So far so good. 

"I'm more of the mind guns are for hunting, though I'm a terrible shot, despite my father's best of instructions growing up." He chuckled to himself. Then, "Are you really just not into me Jess? I'm sorry if I came on too strong. You're just so funny, and really beautiful." 

"You didn't answer my last question." 

"Oh, sorry. I forgot what it was?" 

Jess inhaled nervously. Could she really come out to a coworker? She'd never done so before. Unless she counted Kayla. Which she didn't. Coming out to Kayla had involved taking her clothes off of her. 

Jess cleared her throat and muttered softly into her fries, "Gay marriage." 

"Ah, well then, I think-" The hands gripping Ron's half-eaten burger froze in midair halfway to his mouth. Mustard dripped onto the plate. "Wait." 

Jess's heart pounded. She felt herself trembling. Did he understand what she was getting at? 

"Are you..?" Yes, he'd put two and two together. "Is that why you don't wanna-" He set his burger back down. 

Jess felt herself nodding but couldn't meet his gaze. 

"Shit, man. Man oh man. I had _no_ clue." 

"Yeah, that's the general idea in the workplace." Jess grimaced. 

"And you work at Fox News!" Ron exclaimed a little too loudly. 

Jess surveyed the diner anxiously. 

"Sorry." Ron lowered his voice. "Oh my God. I am _so_ sorry." 

"Don't be." Jess said so quietly she barely heard herself. 

"And no one knows?" 

"Not a soul." 

Ron exhaled a whistle. 

Jess took a deep swig of coffee. 

"This shouldn't be about me." She set down the coffee mug. "We have other business to attend to."

"We do?" 

"Yes, Ron. While it is with great regret I turn you down, I know a special gal who would _never_." 

Ron pushed his plate away from himself to avoid distraction. "You do." He stated it rather than asking, skeptical. 

"She'd probably hate us both forever if I told you and you weren't all for it." Jess was regaining her sense of comfort in the conversation, and popped another fry in her mouth. 

"Who is it?" 

"Maybe a better question would be: Is there anyone else in our office you consider a decent enough human being to date?" Jess leaned back in her seat, crossing a leg over her knee, confidence fully rejuvenated now that the topic wasn't her own personal life. 

Ron let out an incredulous chuckle. "I see the gay woman now." He gestured to Jess's sitting position. "Not sure how I never noticed it before. And, to be honest, everyone at Fox is sort of insufferable outside our little trivia troupe." 

"Uh huhhh." Jess encouraged. "Almost there, bud." 

"Well the only other trivia women besides you are taken!" 

"So I was your last choice then?" Jess mocked offense. 

"No!" 

"Don't worry." Jess assured him. "And I mean yeah, Lucy's married but Rachel..." 

" _She's_ single?!" 

"Slam dunk, ba-by!"

"You think I should ask her out instead then?" 

"I _know_ you should. You've had a built-in groupie this whole time, brother." 

"Wow." 

Jess popped another french fry. "So tell me. What's this band of yours sound like?"

************

"I'm heeere." Jess's favorite voice said into her ear over the phone.

"Well hello," She hoped Kayla could hear the smile spreading across her face. "Let's get you out of that rain storm." Jess glanced out the windows just in time to see a flash of lightning over the city skyline. Yeesh. 

"Yes, please." Came Kayla's sweet voice. 

Jess barrel rolled off her bed and shuffled briskly into the entryway, pressing the button on her keypad to unlock the front door downstairs. "It's open. Want me to come down and get you?" 

"No need, I remember where to go." 

"Okay then." Jess couldn't wait to tell her about lunch with Ron. She'd be so proud of her for coming out to someone, and playing matchmaker. Not that she needed any reminders that Jess was a romantic deep down. She rummaged in her kitchen drawers for a moment and, finding a lighter, went about lighting the couple candles strewn around the bedroom. She knew Kayla would know it was about ambience, not suggestion. But suggestion was fine, too. 

Still smiling to herself, she went back to the kitchen to pull a little snack tray from the fridge. Just then, the lights went out. 

Jess paused, hoping it was a quick power outage caused by the thunderstorm. When about three minutes had passed and she still stood in darkness, she hastily shoved the snacks back in the refrigerator and made for her front door, flipping on the flashlight app of her phone. She didn't want Kayla to fall down four flights of stairs trying to navigate the climb in pitch blackness. 

"Kay?" She called from the top of the stairwell when she reached it. 

Silence. 

"Kayla? Are you down there somewhere?" 

Nothing. Maybe she'd stopped at the foot of the stairs when the lights gave to wait it out? Jess carefully trudged down the stairs, pointing her flashlight at her feet. 

But Kayla wasn't in the lobby either. _Could we have passed each other, somehow?_ It didn't make sense. She canvassed the lobby one more time. Then her heart fell to the floor. _No. Surely she didn't..._

Jess dashed across the hallway to the elevator and put her ear to the cold metal door. Knocked. "Kayla? KAYLA?" 

"Jess!" A faint reply confirmed her worst fears. A muffled pounding of hands reverberated against her ear. It sounded so far away. 

Jess slammed her palm against the elevator call button in vain. "Fuck!" She smacked it once more in frustration. "Kayla, do you know what floor you're on?" She hollered. 

"I think...I think it's between floors!" Came a distant response. 

"I'm coming, okay?" Jess tripped over her own feet taking the stairs two at a time. She'd try the second floor first. 

"Kayla!" Her cheek against another metal door. 

"I hear you better!" Kayla's voice was louder now, too. Jess set her phone on the floor, light shining upward. 

"Okay, I'm gonna try to open the doors! Stand back okay?" Jess wedged her fingers between them and attempted to pry them apart. With enough effort, she was able to push them away from each other, exposing the door of the car and its innerworkings. Jess had no idea what all the little bars and levers did. And the car had not fully reached the second floor, leaving only the top half exposed. 

"I'm halfway there. Are you okay?" She tried to sound sure of herself, despite her cluelessness about the obstacle still between them. 

"I don't know," Kayla murmured softly. 

The thought of her in distress fueled Jess to figure it out. She grabbed a lever and jangled it impatiently. No dice. Next she picked the biggest bar. It seemed to give when she pulled it down, but only a little. So she pushed up on it. An almost-click sound resonated through the shaft, so she tried again, crouching down and leaning into it with all her strength. 

_Click._

The door gave, and she was able to pull it to the left, revealing the cabin of the elevator car. Revealing Kayla huddled in a corner with her arms tightly wound around her knees. Her head shot up and wide eyes met Jess's. Jess dropped onto her stomach and stuck her arms out towards Kayla. 

"Jess don't do that! If the power comes back on and the elevator starts-" 

"We'll be quick, I've got you, come here." She beckoned her hastily. 

Kayla hesitated, slowly rising to her feet and looking all around the elevator walls fearfully. 

"Come on, it's okay, I promise." 

As soon as Kayla latched on to Jess's upper arms, Jess yanked them both swiftly backwards. They tumbled out onto the carpet of the second floor. Sitting upright, Kayla flew into her arms. 

Jess held on to her for dear life, her heart pounding. Kayla clung back, shaking. 

"You sweet, silly girl, _why_ would you get on the elevator?!" Jess pet her hair soothingly, whispering this through a loose strand draped over Kayla's ear. 

Kayla gave no answer; it was evident she was crying. She began to tremble harder, and as Jess felt hands digging into her back, Kayla broke out into full on sobs. 

"My poor baby," She murmured softly, wrapping arms tightly around Kayla. She wanted to envelope her in safety and security forever. But she didn't know how to do that. So she just continued to sit in the dark hallway floor, gently rocking the woman she already knew she endlessly loved. 

************

Jess opened the door to the apartment and guided Kayla inside. 

"Ohh, how smart of you to get candles out!" Kayla peeped. 

Jess held back a sigh. "What can I say? I plan ahead." The ambience was already ruined anyway. 

Kayla snuck her arms around Jess and held on tight. "Thank you for saving me." 

"Shh." She never wanted to let go of Kayla again. 

"My hero." 

"Oh, honestly."

Kayla drew her head back far enough to search Jess's eyes. Her own were still a tearstained and swollen red. She kissed Jess, then withdrew and began unbuttoning her blouse. "I'm yours. Whatever you want." Another tear ran down her cheek, and she choked back another sob as the sleeves of her top slipped down her arms and fell to the floor. 

"Kayla-" 

Kayla shook her head. "Anything you want," as she started removing her pants. 

"Stop. Kayla, I want you to stop." Jess grabbed both her wrists and held them away from her remaining clothing. She walked them both to the bed and sat down on its edge. Patted the mattress beside her. "Sit with me?" 

Kayla sat obediently, a question mark on her face as she set her hands on Jess's shoulders, preparing to give herself to Jess again. 

"Kayla." Jess couldn't hide the alarm in her voice. The other woman was behaving too transparently. It was disturbing. 

"Did I do something wrong? You don't want me?" More tears accompanied a scared expression. 

"Of _course_ I want you." Jess promised gently. She tenderly tucked hair behind Kayla's ear. 

"I...don't understand." Kayla choked. She couldn't meet Jess's eyes. She looked at her hands now folded in her lap, ashamed. 

"I want you to be safe and feel safe. Always. You should never feel obligated to give your body to any one for any reason." Jess murmured. She lifted Kayla's chin with a finger to meet her gaze. "You owe me nothing. Ever." 

Tears fell from Kayla's beautiful turquoise eyes. The dim light of the candle flames flickered in them. 

"Especially not _that_ just for troubleshooting a technical malfunction in _my_ stupidass apartment building." Jess found the strength to smile reassuringly. "Okay?" 

"I'm still not okay, am I?" Kayla admitted glumly. 

"We can take a raincheck on a sleepover tonight, if it would help. I can take you home." Jess replied after a moment. She wasn't sure she was navigating this right at all. 

"No, please don't make me leave." Kayla looked even more terrified at this idea. 

_Definitely not navigating this right._ "I don't want you to leave. Just tell me how to help." 

"You're too good, Jess Carr." Kayla's head fell to Jess's lap, one arm winding around Jess's legs. Jess let one of her hands land in Kayla's hair and the other fall lightly between her shoulder blades. She ran her hand through Kayla's hair soothingly and rubbed her back. The arm tightened around her legs and Kayla's body shook as she let herself really cry. 

"I'm here," Jess said softly. "Let it out." She felt her heart shattering into a thousand tiny shards. With the same amount of care focused on Kayla, an equal measure was reserved in her soul for murdering Roger Ailes with her bare hands. And penning a strongly-worded letter to an elevator company.

"I'm sorry," Kayla peeped after a while. "I'm ruining our nice evening." 

" _You_ could ruin nothing." Jess said a little more sternly than she meant to. Softening, "You are so strong, honey." 

Kayla rolled over, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. Looking up at Jess. "I'm honey, now?" A small smile returning to her face. 

"I'll call you whatever makes you smile, you name it." Jess wiped another tear before it could fall. 

Kayla sat up slowly. "I'm really vulnerable right now, so don't make it worse by not replying to what I'm going to say." She sniffed decisively, searching the older woman's eyes again. "I can tell you will, though, or I wouldn't be brave enough to say it." 

"What-" 

A hand slipped into Jess's. "I love you, Jess. And I'm not saying it because I feel like I owe it to you. I'm saying it because I feel it. I'm _in_ love with you." 

All the little shards of Jess's heart fused back together in an instant. The words felt so good they hurt. She couldn't breathe. 

Kayla stared at her. "You did not take me under your wing at Fox and send Megyn's inquisition after me or pout in a park because you thought I was taken or bring me to the most romantic restaurant ever or go to a historic gay bar for me when you're not even out yet or offer to go to church with me or single handedly rescue me from a trapped elevator just to sit there and not reply when I say I'm in love with you." She raised an expectant eyebrow. 

They both knew it. Jess's heart had just swelled to the point it felt like she was suffocating. She could barely manage any utterance at all, much less draw air into her lungs. 

"God, Kayla," She sucked in air, swallowing hard to collect herself. "I love you so much, baby girl." 

A classic Kayla grin spread huge across her face. Another tear - a happy one this time - escaped down her cheek.


	13. Wild Thing

“When did you know you were gay?” Kayla whispered. 

They lay side by side under the blankets in Jess’s bed. The power was still out. Heavy rain slapped against the windows, but at least Kayla had stopped crying. Now she was curled up alongside Jess, staring at her peacefully and absently stroking her cheek. 

Jess exhaled in amusement. Shook her head. “I dunno,” her eyes didn’t leave Kayla’s. “Guess sort of...always.” 

“Gosh...” 

“That’s normal, isn’t it? They say you know deep down from an early age, looking back.” 

“I didn’t know until October!” 

“Really? Not one _inkling_ before then? Allowing me to woo you last spring gave no hints at all?” Jess flopped over onto her back, heaving a deep sigh. “Some lasting impression I have...” 

Kayla grinned and pulled Jess back to her. “Mm, I think you were a bad influence.”

"Are you suggesting I corrupted you?" 

"I voted for Hillary, didn't I?" 

"I only have your word, so the verdict is still out on that." 

"Oh, come on! I really did!" Kayla propped herself up on an elbow and let her other hand fall from Jess's face to her underarm, giving it a tickle. 

"No! No! Dontdothat-" Jess curled into a fetal position to protect herself from the sudden onslaught. They tussled briefly, Kayla emerging the clear victor as Jess was rendered defenseless, by nature extremely ticklish. 

"I've learned another of your weaknesses this evening," Kayla smirked, releasing her victim. 

"Do with me what you will, cruel mistress," Jess gasped dramatically, bringing her wrists together and offering them to Kayla. 

The younger woman laughed and gave Jess's shoulder a playful shove. "You are such a goof." 

"I love you." 

Kayla sobered, her eyes brimming with deep affection. Then, "Aww," she smiled mischievously, "now I'm almost sorry I tickled you." 

Jess slinked an arm around her waist and pulled her right up against her, kissing her temple. "Are you feeling better, baby girl?" 

"Much." Came the muffled reply. Kayla lifted her head and kissed Jess on the cheek. "And I love you, too." 

Jess wondered if the woman pressed to her chest could feel her heart banging out of it. _This_ woman saying _those_ words...She was still finding it hard to comprehend.

"Are _you_ okay?" Kayla had definitely noticed her heart rate. 

"Yes." Jess gave a soft, reassuring chuckle. "You make my heart sing." 

"Oh, Jess..." 

"You make everything...groovy." 

It was Kayla's turn to laugh, her face scrunched up in confusion. 

"Wild Thing? The Troggs? No? Too secular?" 

"Oh, it's a song? Yes, I guess so." 

"Christ."

"Yeah, I know a lot of songs about Him!" 

Jess decided now was the time to find out if Kayla was ticklish too. She was, but not quite as helplessly so as Jess. She put up a valiant struggle, and fought her way on top of Jess with her fingers wriggling once again in Jess's underarms until the older woman was crying with laughter. 

She stopped tickling before it became mean, and gazed down at her captive. Jess recouped slowly, happiness exuding from the blue orbs behind her glasses. 

"So can we fuck now or do you still think I just feel obligated?" Kayla asked coyly, dropping her chin to a rest atop Jess's sternum with raised eyebrows. 

Jess blinked at her in surprise. Kayla's brusqueness came just as unexpectedly to her as her own quips did to Kayla. 

"Well how can I say no to that?" Jess recovered suavely.

Kayla slipped Jess’s glasses off. “It feels like years since I've touched you,” she pouted, "But it's barely been 48 hours." 

"Hm, unfortunately you're going to have to wait a bit longer." Jess's voice was suddenly stern. 

A concerned expression came over the woman on top of her. 

"You're not to lift a finger tonight." Jess grabbed her by the small of the back and smoothly rolled them over so their positions were switched. 

"Ohh..." as the realization hit Kayla, her eyes widened and a small glimmer emerged from their depths.

"If that's okay with you?" Jess added gently. 

"Well I can't win every battle and you suck at the tickling ones, so.” Kayla gave back with a little wriggle of her body under Jess.

"You're trouble." Jess informed her gruffly as she allowed their lips to brush. Kayla kissed her greedily. 

As the kiss deepened Jess became lost in the synchronicity of their tongues, hardly noticing as Kayla's hand turned her head to expose her ear, and at the last moment released Jess's lips to latch on to the lobe. 

"No...fair!" Jess yelped, momentarily debilitated. 

Kayla released her after a moment, a look on her face betraying how full of herself she felt. 

"You make me an absolute mess," Jess breathed. 

"I know. I love it." Kayla grinned. 

With fresh resolve to combat Kayla's self-satisfaction, Jess ran slow hands down Kayla's bare sides, triumphant as she felt the woman underneath her shiver. Her fingers slid under Kayla's bra, then slipped back out tantalizingly. 

"Noo, come back," Kayla pleaded, but Jess covered her lips with her own to prevent any further begging just yet. 

She gave her one long, slow kiss, then drew back and let their eyes bore into each other for a moment. Then the lights flooded back on abruptly, and they both buried their heads in each other to shield their eyes from fleeting blindness. 

After they adjusted, Jess made to roll over and grab the bedside lamp light switch. Kayla snatched her outstretched arm. 

"Wait. Don't." With her free hand Kayla reached underneath her back and fiddled for a moment until her bra released her. She let go of Jess's arm and let both her own come to a rest above her head. "I want you to have a better view." 

The previous week's nightmare flashed through Jess's mind, and she hesitated. In the dream she'd left the lights on and turned into Roger. She knew she was being ridiculous, but the memory left a bad taste in her mouth. Especially after the evening's ordeal. 

"Jess?" 

Jess sat up further, taking survey of the situation.

"Hey..." Kayla reached a hand up sweetly and cupped Jess's chin. "What's wrong? I'm okay, you know? More than okay." 

"I just...donteverwannahurtyou," Jess finally confessed. 

Kayla studied her for a moment, thumb soothingly running along her jawline. "You gonna leave me?"

"No!" Jess choked. 

"Then you can't possibly hurt me." Kayla murmured. She searched Jess's eyes. "What's this about?" 

"The other week..." Jess hesitated, unsure if she should share this with Kayla. Her expectant, worried face, coupled with the fact Kayla'd been the first one to say the _L word_ were the only driving forces for Jess to continue her admission. "I had this really bad dream about us, we were in bed like this and then-" 

Apprehension filled Kayla's eyes and her bottom lip drew down anxiously. "Tell me." 

"I sort of...morphed into... _him_ and it scared you - rightly so - and I just..." Jess slumped back down slowly over Kayla's body and clung to her tightly, letting her head come to a rest over the bra still loosely covering Kayla's left breast. She felt the younger woman's heart pound against her ear. 

Kayla's hands pressed against the side of Jess's head, drawing her closer. "Oh angel..." 

They lay in silence for a moment before Kayla figured out what to say to alleviate Jess's fears. "You _must_ realize you were the only bright spot in my life at that time. You are the _complete_ opposite of everything he stands for. No one in my life has ever made me feel as safe and loved as you have." 

The rational part of Jess was aware that Kayla felt this way, but the part of her that loved her before all else remained cautious, saying nothing, listening for each next beat of the heart below her ear. 

"What night was it, exactly?" Kayla asked gently. She tried desperately to piece together the timeline of distress inflicted upon the sweetheart who'd collapsed on her. 

"I dunno...the night you texted me." 

Kayla flushed. "When I told you I wished you were with me?" 

She felt Jess nod weakly into her chest. She drew a hand to Jess's ear and stroked it softly before giving it a small, sensual tug. "Wanna know why I texted you that?" 

"You weren't having a bad dream too, were you?" Came Jess's bewildered little voice. 

"Far from it." Kayla's voice became husky. "I was fucking myself thinking of you." 

Heat coarsed through Jess's body in spite of herself. 

"See? You were so busy being hard on yourself for absolutely no reason while I was thinking about what you might wanna do to me. _Wishing_ you were doing it to me. Doing it myself because you were off in your head instead of between my legs." Kayla's hands fell away from Jess's hair as she lifted her head incredulously. Her eyes met the seductive smile slowly playing across Kayla's lips.

"Fuck, Jess, what do I have to say or do to get you inside me again?" A hand slipped down Jess's back and pressed down. Kayla's legs splayed out on either side of Jess and her hips rocked upwards against her. "Please," She added in a halting breath. 

Jess could barely see from this gesture, but attempted to remain composed one moment longer. "I love you, your happiness is everything to me, okay?" 

"I love _you_. Your happiness is mine." Kayla replied easily. She found Jess's lips and kissed them, adding a little flick of her tongue across Jess's bottom one as she pulled away, eyes purposely trained on her and full of need. 

This little event after so much reassurance seemed to give Jess what she needed to continue. She allowed the heat to rise in her body as she hungered for the woman she had pinned to the bed. She grabbed either side of Kayla's bra and lifted it away. 

Kayla bit her lip and smiled up at her as Jess took in the sight, fully lit by the bright bedroom. Jess almost didn't even want to touch Kayla. She could die happily if this was the last image to flash through her mind. _Fuck._ She felt herself begin to throb against her underwear; moving the slightest centimeter produced massive sensitivity. She wanted to bring Kayla to that level. 

She lowered herself softly back down onto the younger woman, reconnecting their lips and intentionally brushing her chest against Kayla's exposed, quickly-stiffening nipples. A little whimper escaped through Kayla's lips into Jess's mouth. She ran her hands up Kayla's sides as she felt her own underwear soak through. Her fingers lightly grazed the sides of Kayla's breasts before slipping just underneath them. With soft fingertips she gently massaged where the wire of the bra had left impressions on skin. Then her fingers stilled, gripping.

Kayla's breath caught. She took Jess's bottom lip between her teeth, moving her hips upwards into Jess again. 

"Be still," Jess warned, "or I'll stop." 

"You're not even _doing anything_..." Kayla whined. 

"Well I'm not going to rush through to the highlights like some dumb tourist." Jess scoffed.

Kayla gave an exasperated laugh, relaxing her body under Jess. “You’re _so_ cute,” her chest heaved, “I cant even stay impatient with you.”

“Oh,” Jess’s lips pursed into a slow smirk, “You’ll be very impatient very soon.”


	14. Why Weren't You Here Sooner?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear reader, hoping you and yours are safe and healthy and hunkered down. All the love. Endless thanks for the kind response to this fic from the beginning. Sorry this update took ages and is shorter than intended. Lots going on, but promise I won't orphan it. 
> 
> All I ask is that you please be well! xoxo

Kayla could tell from the gleam in Jess’s eyes and the change in the tone of her voice that any worry had dissipated. Nothing was left but need, and Kayla was all too happy to let her have anything her heart desired. 

Because her own heart was so full of Jess. She tried to be good and wait calmly for Jess to fill the rest of her.

But for the moment Jess was content to cover Kayla’s neck in gentle kisses, unhurried. Jess had no intention of fucking her, despite the wording in Kayla’s request. She was dead set on making love to her, all night, if Kayla could handle it.

Kayla tangled her fingers through Jess's hair. When Jess lifted her head to smile softly at her Kayla locked their eyes, hoping to convey boundless trust and affection with her stare. She felt Jess's hands tenderly glide up her breasts, and her eyes fluttered shut automatically. 

"Do you know how incredible you are?" Kayla felt Jess breathe. Her own breath caught; she wanted to reply but no words came to mind. Her whole head was just _Jess, Jess, Jess_.

Thumbs brushed over nipples, lips met, tongues searched. Any last morsel of coherent thought fled Kayla as she completely surrendered. She didn't want for anything, except to freeze them both in this moment for always. When Jess withdrew to find another place for her mouth to land, the only word left in Kayla's brain escaped out through her lips, " _Jess_..."

A hand leapt into one of hers, extracting it from its place in Jess's hair and laying it down beside Kayla's head. Fingers intertwined and held close as Kayla felt a delicate tongue along her collar bone. She caught herself smiling.

A line of kisses soon trailed south until they landed between her breasts. With Jess's free hand she cupped one, bringing it into her mouth. A vocal sigh left Kayla as thumb was replaced with tongue over her nipple. With her other thumb Jess stroked Kayla's palm. 

Her attention to detail was painstaking and overwhelming. Jess's mouth melted against Kayla's skin like honey, gingerly dissolving everything but utmost tenderness, enveloping her in a sweet glow. Kayla suspected she might start crying again, but withheld, fearing Jess might mistake the reason. 

Jess's free hand left her chest altogether, reaching down to fumble with the button on the front of Kayla's jeans. Kayla let go of her other hand and both her own flew down to assist. Jess removed the pants slowly, dropping them to the floor where they fell with a soft _thud_ as Jess's hands lovingly ran up the length of Kayla's legs to settle on her hips. Another second and they were kissing again. 

Kayla wrapped her arms and legs around Jess and the smile that pressed against her lips from the woman above her filled her with a kind of tranquility she hadn't even been sure could exist. She slipped her hands up the back of Jess's shirt and swiftly undid her bra. 

"Hey now..." Jess admonished half-heartedly. 

"I need you closer," Kayla whispered, and then, because she knew it would get her her way, pouted, "...Please?" 

Jess gave no response but righted herself just long enough to pull her shirt over her head. Kayla gleefully ran her hands up Jess's stomach and gently pulled the bra away. Jess leaned back down to rejoin their lips and the sensation of skin on skin was Kayla's final undoing. She whimpered sharply into several kisses and the grip of her legs around Jess tightened. The hands that had found their way back down to her hips slid under the hem of her underwear and began softly pulling them down. 

"I love you baby,” Jess murmured as her lips brushed down the length of Kayla’s stomach. She tremored as her thighs gave and Jess settled between them.

Jess was always sweet with her, but now she’d set such a delicate, affectionate pace Kayla’s eyes stung as she fought off more tears. Every little nip landing on her inner thighs seemed to transport Kayla to some scene from her past, some place, some experience, that would have been vastly improved with Jess by her side. 

_Jess...Jess...God, where have you been? Why weren't you here sooner?_

But she was yanked back to the present as Jess’s hand softly pushed against one thigh, her breath falling lightly between Kayla’s legs, shooting shivers up her spine. Jess made contact slowly, as if it was their first kiss, then deepening sensually as she lost herself. Kayla’s fingers found Jess’s back, digging in to the pale silk of her ribs, rendered speechless. 

Jess’s hand set her thigh free and wandered upwards, until Kayla felt a finger tentatively dip and make a shallow curl.

" _Jess..!_ " Kayla shuddered, hips lifting off the mattress. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. She knew she couldn't let it go on like this. Jess would think she'd done something wrong, when really everything was just too unbearably beautiful. Their love seemed so intense to Kayla that it hurt to try and fathom, pained her to watch Jess attempt to demonstrate. She knew, from the all night frenzy of the weekend that had lasted well into Sunday afternoon, that there was a more unbridled passion she could unleash. And that that level of carnal desire would protect her from the tears that might bring Jess completely out of the moment with worry. 

Kayla gave her eyes a rough wipe and then reached down and pulled Jess's hair until the older woman lifted her head. Jess smiled, but a question mark hung on her face as Kayla continued to tug at loose, curly blonde strands. 

"C'mere," She managed, and Jess obeyed without further inquiry, crawling up to be face to face with Kayla. 

Jess's occupied hand withdrew from inside her, coming up to rest gently on her ass, where she drew soft circles with a damp index finger. With her other hand she gently stroked Kayla's neck. "Are you alright?" 

Kayla nodded with a big grin. "More than." 

"Then what is it?" 

"You're breaking my heart into a thousand pieces with your sweetness," Kayla leapt on Jess, who did nothing to stop her, surprised. "And there can be none of this hands off stuff right now." Kayla's hands were on Jess's breasts before she realized Kayla had pinned her. A gasp escaped her throat as her hands grappled for a new destination.

Kayla's tongue found her ear, "Fuck me."

Jess bit her lip too harshly, eyes closed, wincing. But it was being kissed better before it could smart, and she opened her mouth to welcome Kayla, who moaned into her. "Jess, fuck me," she repeated.

Jess's hands had scrambled back to her hips, clumsy and discombobulated by how quickly things had reversed course. One of the hands clamping down on her nipples suddenly released, grabbing one of Jess's hands and shoving it between their bodies.

" _Pleeease_ , baby," Kayla finally groaned impatiently in her ear, and that did the trick. 

Jess rediscovered where she'd left off, and the woman straddling above her rode slowly at first, a playful smile as she gripped and squeezed Jess's chest, dizzying her focus. Jess watched awestruck; another moment more and Kayla sped up. Jess added another finger, and matched the rather harsher pace Kayla was demanding. The younger woman collapsed onto her, crashing her mouth hungrily into Jess's as her hips continually mounted her waist. "Baby..." She whimpered again, and Jess couldn't help but notice a swell in her chest at the word being turned on her. 

Her good fortune at having found this beautiful person took hold of her, and in desperation she began working more fiercely to make Kayla come completely undone. 

She trapped Kayla's clit between thumb and forefinger, still pumping rhythmically deep inside her with the middle. 

"I wanna come for you-" Kayla gasped, riding frantically against this adjustment, "I'm gonna-" 

A violent tremor shot through her legs; Jess felt it against her skin as it rose through Kayla to her torso. Her arms gave and her eyes shut tight and the wind shot out of her lungs as she fell against Jess's chest, groping weakly along her biceps as the sturdiest part of her lover to cling to. Her hips continued to arch against Jess's fingers as she cried out her name. It came out over and over, sounding as though she were listing all the objects in the heavens. It was so lovely that Jess closed her eyes to simply feel and listen. 

After a moment she made to withdraw her fingers but Kayla stopped her, still shuddering. "Please, not yet? Stay with me one more minute." Jess didn't mind, just gently loosened her grip on her clit to give it a calming few strokes. Kayla gave a happy sigh and relaxed against her before going completely silent. Finally Jess withdrew. The woman on top of her had become so still she thought she might have fallen asleep. She softly rolled Kayla on her side to face her, hold her. 

Jess was surprised to see her eyes wide open and shining at her with a matching smile. Seeing her awake brought Jess's initial plan back to mind, and the rush of excitement with it. The fire still stoked behind Kayla's eyes suggested she could handle more, welcomed it with enthusiasm. Jess's head spun, clouded with the sudden, fleeting thought that maybe they'd never be satiated. 

She'd always want more of the reactions she'd just elicited from Kayla, anyway. Jess reached over to brush hair out of Kayla's face. Kayla wordlessly mirrored the motion, and then they were kissing softly again. It was so easy for Jess to lose herself to it, to float far away from everything in the world except the feeling of the younger woman's mouth on her own, delicately, then desperately, wrestling for control of the movement of their lips, taking turns giving in, regaining authority, submitting, allowing, taking. 

Jess discovered a gap in their choreography and took the opportunity to breathe, "Again? May I?" 

The smile she felt against her cheek as Kayla's nose moved to bury meekly in Jess's neck assured her of the correctness of her assumption. She felt an index finger brush over her cheekbone, a brief suckle of mouth against throat, all accompanied by a gentle whisper, "Together?"

It was too sweet a notion to deny, and so despite her original plan for the evening, Jess nodded against Kayla's forehead.


	15. In Which Jess Tells Fox To Suck It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black Lives Matter. 
> 
> please visit the link below if you haven't already:  
> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/ 
> 
> you can also continue donating to the organization previously mentioned in this fic, NYWIFT, who are currently accepting donations for the continued production of their _Creatively Speaking_ series of independent films produced by and about black women.  
> https://www.nywift.org/creatively-speaking/
> 
> there are many more donation options thru NYWIFT featuring black women filmmakers if you'd rather choose your own:  
> https://www.nywift.org/fiscal-sponsorship-program/projects/
> 
> i hope this tiny update does not distract from the important work to be done, but serves as a temporary little escape from the horrors of the present. i love you very much, dear reader.

Jess glared at the wall of elevator buttons as she waited for the doors to open. Shifting the weight of her binders in her arms, she quickly strode out as soon as possible. Hardly glancing into her cubicle, she blew right past her desk. 

"Jess!" 

She sighed, but halted. She wanted to get this morning over with. She wanted to feel the triumph of it. But she also couldn't ignore a woman calling out to her. 

Rachel rushed to her side as Jess turned to face her. 

"Oh my God, what did you _do_?" Rachel's face was flushed, bright. She looked happier than Jess had ever seen her. Jess had almost forgotten about yesterday's luncheon revelations. After the events of the previous evening it seemed like years ago. 

Rachel brought Jess's attention to their workspace with a flourish of her hand. Beside Rachel's computer stood a giant vase inside which floated the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. "Did you know about this? Did you have something to do with it?" 

"...Ron?" Jess assumed with an uptick of the corners of her mouth. 

Rachel nodded enthusiastically. "He didn't know I was single. That's why he was going after you! Er- no offense." 

Jess laughed. "None taken." She assured. "That's really wonderful, Rach, I'm so thrilled for you." 

"Carr!" 

Both women flinched as the voice of Bill O'Reilly's personal assistant, Sheryl, interrupted their reverie. She stood behind Jess with a hand on one hip, the other occupied by a clipboard atop which a phone, alight with messages, continually pinged. 

"When you request a private audience with your _boss_ to discuss something you claim is of dire importance it is _imperative_ that you actually show up in a timely fashion." Sheryl snapped, towering over Jess as she squinted judgmentally at her down the length of her nose.

"Oh, I didn't know I was holding you up, I'm sorry." Rachel attempted. 

"No, it's fine," Jess murmured, then, turning to Sheryl, "This won't take a minute, and then I'll never trouble you again."

*******

"I'm sorry, you want to _what_?" Bill dropped the leg he'd had draped across his other knee, the sole of his shoe creating a sharp slap on his office floor. 

"Not want to, _am_. I _am_ quitting." Jess remained firm in her resolve, gently sliding her binders onto the top of O'Reilly's desk. 

His nose was scrunched in an attempt to focus his worn out eyes on Jess more clearly, mouth slightly ajar in confusion. "This isn't gonna be one of those things where I get a 'he touched me' tell-all from NBC in a week, is it?" He finally managed. 

"Nope, so don't screw it up now," Jess exhaled. 

"Carr where is this coming from? You've been here longer than almost anybody on my team. Frankly, you're an asset. Tell me what we need to make happen for you to stay." 

Jess's jaw went momentarily slack. She caught it up again quickly, not wanting to look like Bill. She had not expected a compliment. She had definitely not expected to be given an offer. In the moment it took to process, rage had time to take over. _How dare he?!_ Kayla's face re-entered her mind, as it was wont to do. The rage crescendoed. 

"Stay?" She heard herself whisper. " _Stay_?" her voice rising, "When a woman has better prospects - and I _have_ better prospects - who in their right mind would _stay_ HERE?!" Jess rounded Bill's desk, slapping her pen atop the binders she'd set there for good measure. 

"Ah, um, security-!" Bill sat up a little straighter, but leaned back away from his advancer. 

"Security? Why don't you try giving a little of that to your employees instead of impromptu falafel dials?" She was practically spitting. 

"Falafel wha-?" 

"Fuck _you_ , Bill." Jess could feel the presence of members of the security staff looming behind her. She put down the finger she'd been sticking accusingly in her former boss's face. "And we coulda run with that Anthony Weiner story if you weren't all about protecting your own, nasty kind. Kayla Pospisil has _great_ ideas." She didn't know where this was coming from. But once she started, she couldn't stop.

"I- who?" 

" _Who?_ " Jess scoffed. She whirled around with arms in the air, appealing to the hesitant guards still bunched in the doorway. "Can you believe this man?" With no response, she turned back to Bill. "Your days are numbered, bud. People are waking up. You and your misogynist fake news bullshit won't be on air much longer. Then you'll remember Kayla Pospisil."

She took a step back, catching her breath. The red slowly receded from blocking her field of vision. Without another word, she slipped past the stupefied security audience, and stomped swiftly down the long, familiar corridor of cubicles. 

She paused at Rachel's desk, who looked at her quizzically as she grabbed a sticky note and scribbled her cell number on it. "If you ever need anything. You stick by Ron around here, okay? If you ever feel unsafe you get out. Please." She stared Rachel directly in the eye as she said this, and, though clearly uncertain what it all meant, Rachel slowly nodded in acknowledgment.

"And-" Jess dug in her back pocket for a second, withdrawing a business card for WIP Kayla had given her. "If you want a nicer job." 

Jess made for the elevators. 

*******

Pushing the glass door a little too aggressively, Jess found herself back out on the sidewalk. She scanned the pedestrians, searching anxiously for her other half as she breathed in deeply. 

_It's done. I did it._

Jess felt a hand slip into hers. She smiled. "I was wondering where you went." 

"Hey hero." The hand tugged her away from the building. "Let's get out of here." 

When Jess and Kayla had crossed the street, Jess felt a kiss land on her cheek. Kayla was searching her face with some concern for whether she was alright, but ultimately pride showed through. "Was it okay?" 

Jess shrugged, then reviewed it in her memory, then screwed up her face. "I think I used a little more profanity than intended." 

Kayla laughed. 

_That fucking laugh._ Jess's heart swelled. She lifted the hand enclosed in Kayla's and kissed the back of her girlfriend's hand as the taller woman continued to weave them through the crowded sidewalks. 

"I love you." She told her. Then she looked back on the office building where they'd met. Where she'd spent years being miserable and hiding who she was and what she wanted. It took her a moment to notice that Kayla had stopped walking. They gazed another minute at the Fox News tower together. 

"You alright, Jess?" Kayla finally said softly. 

The expression on Jess's face when her eyes turned to Kayla reassured her. It was a look full of relief and fulfillment and that ever present adoration reserved specifically for Kayla.

Before Jess could think of something to say, Kayla spoke up again. "Let's take the whole day. We can go to a matinee! Know of anything you want to see?" When she found Jess still simply gazing at her with a look of incredulity and gratitude she thought better of questions. "Know what? Let's just buy tickets and theatre hop until they kick us out. I'm feeling crazy!" She tugged Jess's hand to get her moving again, and her enthusiasm shown through in the bounce in her step. 

Jess hadn't counted on the morning's decision to affect Kayla so profoundly, maybe even more than Jess could feel it so far for herself. But it made her a thousand times more relieved she'd finally cut the cord. Watching her girlfriend skip carefree down the sidewalk, loose blonde curls bouncing in her wake, Jess's own cares slowly began to slip free, too.


	16. Kayla Loves Jess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again that updating took so long!

Jess lay awake that night long after Kayla had drifted off to sleep. She wriggled under Kayla's vice like grip until a gentle sigh escaped the woman draped over her and, loosening her hold slightly, she tucked her chin deeper into Jess's chest. Jess smiled and relaxed in surrender. They'd woken up just like this that morning. Something about the sunny serenity of the quiet bedroom had contrasted so sharply with all the stormy angst of the previous evening that Jess had had no choice but to shake Kayla awake and tell her she was going to quit her job that very morning. 

It was so unlike Jess to be spontaneous that she'd almost expected Kayla to forbid it. In any case she was surprised at the level of enthusiasm with which she cheered her on. 

_But maybe she'd cheer me on no matter what,_ Jess mused.

She buried her nose in the hair atop Kayla's head and closed her eyes to breathe her in. How different her life had become. And how quickly. She never had to answer to Bill O'Reilly again. And this beautiful person loved her, too.

Jess noticed that several grateful tears had escaped down her cheeks. She inhaled deeply through her nose to stem the tide before a true crying session threatened. Kayla stirred a little in response, then deliberately raised a hand up the back of Jess's neck and into her hair where it remained, stroking her scalp softly several times before falling back into the limp stasis of sleep. 

**********

February arrived in the hurried blur that only comes from new love. Jess couldn't fathom how it was already time to report to Aaron and her new job at BRITDOC. 

Kayla insisted on escorting her, so Jess fidgeted side-to-side softly in the elevator with two comforting arms wrapped around her left bicep. 

With a soft _ding_ the car came to a stand still and the door slipped off into the side. Before them stood Aaron with a welcoming smile. It hadn't escaped her notice that Kayla was suddenly riding elevators again, seemingly unbothered.

"Morning, ladies." She said cheerfully, though Jess couldn't help but notice her eyes were more or less fixated solely on Kayla. If she clocked it too, it didn't stop her from rushing forward to give Aaron a hug. 

Determined not to let this affect her fresh occupational experience, Jess held back as the two friends caught up for a moment. She allowed the conversation to naturally die down and turn to her before giving a nod of acknowledgement to her new boss. Aaron seemed to be in the highest of spirits, anyway. Whether this was because she was excited for a strong new member joining her team, or that she'd gotten a moment with the ex she was still in love with, Jess wasn't sure. _But,_ she decided, _it's never a bad thing to start off with the boss in a good mood._

"Carr! Fabulous to have you. Why don't we get your things settled at your desk and then I'll show you the ropes?" 

"Sounds perfect," Jess tried her best to match Aaron's exuberance. 

Aaron beamed from Jess to Kayla. 

"I think I'll leave you gals to it!" Kayla took one grand side step, stretching a leg back towards the elevator from which they came. This gesture, coupled with the tone of voice and the delighted grin, reaching from Kayla's pouty bottom lip to her energetic eyebrows, left both Jess and Aaron gazing adoringly at her for a moment. The _ding_ of the elevator as it opened to engulf the object of their affections was the only thing that broke their reverie. They waved reluctantly to the closing door of the lift before turning back to one another. 

"Right. This way." Aaron motioned in front of her and strode off down the hall, something of her cheerful demeanor already diminished. Jess followed swiftly in her wake. 

*********

Jess wasn't surprised to discover that she was good at her new job, and that she even enjoyed it. Immensely. She caught on quite quickly to Aaron's expectations, and was already sifting through film footage by the second hour of the workday. Jess was tasked with finding the most gripping stories from hundreds of daily submissions relating to LGBT news and events. The only wrench thrown in the way of her complete success was the fact that this was so unlike anything she'd ever had to do for Bill.

Pitching a nonsense conservative story for the O'Reilly Factor had all the intrigue of watching paint dry. But every single one of these LGBT pieces captivated her. Ang, an intern who ran to and fro in front of her office door all day delivering lattes to somebody, even stopped in his hurry at one point, noticing a deeply troubled look on Jess's face as she sat, eyes transfixed to her computer screen. 

"Hey, um, are you okay Ms. Carr?" He offered. 

Jess snatched her jaw back to a closed position and wiped her nose hastily. "Oh, Ang," She lamented in spite of herself, "These kids in Chechnya, man!" 

Ang retreated briefly, reemerging with a hot cup of tea, which he slid across her desk.

By the end of the day the only individual surprised to see Jess's achievements was Aaron. Slipping into the room at quarter after 4, she sidled up to the side of the desk to observe over Jess's shoulder. Aaron was immediately taken aback by the large stack of usage consent release forms printed and filled out beside the computer monitor, only awaiting envelopes to be sent off for signatures. Upon inquiry, she found that Jess had already notified all the appropriate parties of BRITDOC's interest in their footage. This done via seemingly endless emails, she was now in the process of contacting the corresponding film editors to work their magic with the clips she'd put up for consideration. 

The thought did cross Aaron's mind that perhaps this Carr woman was too hasty in her decision making; did she have the sort of taste it took to pinpoint lead story pieces? Or was she just trying to accomplish the task quickly to impress? As much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, it seemed to Aaron that Jess most likely _did_ have taste.

She liked Kayla, after all...

"You know, your lady usually stays a bit after 5 at her office," Aaron kept her thoughts on Jess's progress to herself; her mind was back on Kayla, but she did also feel the need to reward a hard day's work in some fashion. "If you slip out of here now you can catch her before she leaves." 

Jess blinked up at her boss, not processing this charitable suggestion. She hadn't seen Aaron all day after the initial run down of instructions. And then she'd appeared by her side with a cool, collected interrogation of Jess's activities, and said nothing either way about whether she was on the right track. But surely getting to leave early was a good thing? Unless...

"D'you want me to come back tomorrow?" She felt stupid as soon as it was out of her mouth, but she had truly liked the way she'd spent her day, and was afraid this hard-to-read woman was about to have her sacked. 

Aaron gave a snort, and her eyes narrowed. "Of course." She strode to the doorway. "See you in the morning. Have a good night." 

Jess took a careful ten minutes to wrap up the email she'd been writing to the head of the editing department before shutting the monitor off and quickly reorganizing her bookbag. She didn't notice Aaron's eyes on her from her own seat at her desk across the hall as she closed her office door and made for the elevators. 

Aaron squinted, scrutinizing everything from the way the hem of her pant leg fell to the make of her backpack. Everything about Jess Carr couture was drab and colorless. Even the bookbag was plain black with no label. But then, a small burst of color at the zipper caught her eye. As Jess walked the little keychain bounced. Aaron's eyes darkened. Even from a distance she knew what it was. 

It was most definitely a little beaded heart. She recognized it because it had been made by the same hands as the one dangling from her own work bag. Her eyes moved to the hook from which her knapsack hung. White, green, and yellow beads linked and looped into the shape of a heart. Kayla had sheepishly given it to her the day after they'd first said, "I love you." 

The elevator dinged. The flash of white, pink, and orange disappeared around the doorframe. 

_Kayla loves Jess._ Aaron forced herself to acknowledge. _Fuck._

***********


	17. Front Page News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thanks to the handful of you sticking with this fic! 
> 
> I've spent some of my pandemic down time reading Megyn Kelly's "Settle for More," which gives a lot more insight into what it was like working at Fox. Based on her account, it seems my fic had a few technical errors, so I've made minor adjustments to previous chapters in the spirit of accuracy (nothing that affects plot). Though I vehemently disagree with Kelly on many things, I do recommend her book to anyone who wants to know more on the topic. The firsthand account of her personal and professional life is fascinating, and unlike the fictitious Kayla and Jess, she was a real survivor of the sexual harassment that took place therein (though, you won't find it mentioned in the book, as it was written before the "bombshell" dropped!).
> 
> Anyway. I'll be using NaNoWriMo as an excuse to speed through to some pre-written chapters it'd be nice to have up in time for December. The Christmas bits were my very favorite part to write. Cheers!

"Your Chechnya exposé was a hit. Well done, Carr." Aaron dropped a newspaper onto Jess's desk one morning two weeks into her new gig. Jess scanned the front page of the New York Times, blinking curiously. 

_BRITDOC Shines Light on Harsh Reality of Gay Youth in Chechen Torture Camps_ read the headline. 

Jess's eyes widened. "Jesus!" 

"That's what I said." Aaron's lip curled upwards into a slow smile. "And you uncovered that your first day, huh? You've set my expectations _sky_ high." 

Jess watched Aaron's retreating back with some apprehension. _I got lucky. Here's hoping my luck doesn't run out._

Slightly distracted now, she took a moment to sheepishly admire the NYT article before turning back to her computer. 

********

Aaron stomped back into her office and shut the door tight. Slumped into her chair with a sigh. She had to admit it, Jess Carr had that special something. 

She also had that special some _one_. 

Why did it have to be _her_ someone? 

She had to chill out. At least before tonight's dinner at Kayla's. _Why_ did it have to be Valentine's Day themed?

******

"Jess!" 

She whirled around on the threshold of Kayla's apartment building at the sound of her girlfriend's voice behind her. 

Kayla, phone pressed to her ear, waved briskly with her other hand as she made quick strides down the sidewalk towards Jess, jangling the keys looped round her finger. Hoisted her shoulder bag further up her arm. 

Jess smiled at the hectic little scene. 

"Yeah. Yeah! Yeah, tomorrow. Ye- Hey, c'mon, it's a holiday! Bye." Kayla hung up her phone, gave an eye roll for Jess's benefit, then leaned in and kissed her cheek. "How'd you beat me here, Miss Front Page News?" 

"Oh, the Boss Lady saw that?" Jess couldn't contain a grin. 

"Yes, AND." Kayla led the way into her building, taking care to press the elevator's up arrow before continuing. "I guess I'm just going to have to _double_ your Valentine's gift later. Hi. How are you?" 

"You got me a present? What is it?" 

Kayla's eyes betrayed a sensual gleam. "You'll see." 

They stepped into the elevator. It closed behind them. 

Jess slid into the taller woman's personal space, hands finding their way under her blazer. "Can I unwrap it now?" 

"No." Kayla shrugged her off playfully. Then her lips brushed Jess's ear. "But I'll unwrap it for you after the party if you want a show." 

"Why must you play hostess of the century when all I wanna do is f-" 

"No one's pressed the floor button, my tiny, four-eyed, sex demon." Kayla prodded Jess with a finger to the chest. 

Jess laughed in spite of herself, realizing the car indeed had not moved, and punched the number. 

When they reached Kayla's door she made way to allow Jess to go through first. Jess refused, which she thought weird, until she flipped on the light and noticed the living room. 

"What- How didju-?" Kayla dropped her bag and took a turn about the space, mouth agape in delighted surprise. "This was you, right? You did this, somehow." 

Fairy lights strung across the ceilings had flicked on with the light switch, illuminating tables and bookshelves covered in vases of rose bouquets in shades spanning the spectrum from cream to deep crimson. 

"She had help!" Courtney leapt up from behind the kitchen island with a shit eating grin. "But it was her idea and her cha-ching." 

Startled by the sudden appearance but with no sign of her delight dwindling, Kayla pulled both women together into a tight squeeze. "You are both such dorks. Oh my God, I love you." A second, special squeeze was reserved for Jess's hand. 

"Well now you have two assistants to get the ball rolling. What are our orders?" Courtney rubbed her hands together.

*******

The Valentine's Day party was in full swing before Aaron made her appearance. She attempted to slip in unnoticed; a hard sell in the outfit she'd chosen. Aaron looked sleek in her perfectly-tailored royal purple pantsuit. The low-cut flowy red blouse underneath was polished off with the tiniest circular diamond necklace on silver chain. She hoped Kayla would recognize it from their very first date. 

Kayla did. 

"OhmaiGod what is she _doing_?" Courtney whispered in her ear when they were alone in a corner of the kitchen, party whirling on around them, music too loud to be overheard. 

"I dunno, I'm trying to ignore it, though." Kayla's eyebrows betrayed her exasperation as she replenished a charcuterie board with cheese wedges. 

When they rejoined their friends in the living room, Julianne was interrogating Jess about how she'd ended up featured in a New York Times article, to the rapt interest of the crowd. 

Visibly embarrassed at being the center of attention, Jess was downplaying it, and Kayla swelled with pride and her girlfriend's humility. 

"Now, Carr, don't be a bad sport," Aaron interrupted as Jess continued to deflect. "It's perfectly natural to brag among friends. We _are_ all friends here, aren't we?" 

"Yes!" Kayla pointedly offered Aaron a refreshment from the tray she carried. "We are all _friends_ here." 

"Thanks, Kay." A warm smile transformed Aaron's face as she took a piece of cheese. She turned her attention back to Jess. "Go on." 

"I...meant it when I said it wasn't a big deal. It just so happened no other news outlets were covering that story yet." 

"It's such an awful truth." Sara murmured softly. "My little cousin is Russian. I'd hate to think something could happen to her there if she turned out to be gay." 

"Get her over here, we'll make a safe house." Courtney slumped an arm around Sara's shoulder. 

"I think you're _deflecting_ , Jessica." Aaron butted in. 

Jess blanched. No one ever called her Jessica. It wasn't even her name. Jess wasn't short for anything. _What the hell?_

"Her name isn't Jessica, Aar..." Kayla piped in. 

The song on Kayla's V-Day party playlist switched to Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" and the hoard of lesbians dissolved into a lame karaoke shrieking mess, just in the knick of time. 

Kayla found herself completely distracted with her hands in Jess's as they belted out the lyrics, half-serious, half-laughing in each other's faces. A few quick kisses and the tension was forgotten. 

The group collapsed into their dinner chairs soon after. Kayla was the kind of party planner to have name cards allocated in the perfect places around the table for optimum conversationalism, but this was slyly evaded by the precocious Aaron, who had swapped hers out at some point to put herself at the hostess's right. 

Far be it from Kayla to publicly point out this faux pas, she eased herself into her seat after the last plate was delivered, finding Jess's hand with her own under the table to her left. Fortunately for Jess, she didn't realize the situation. She did take note, however, of Aaron's constant attention-seeking behavior. But, as good as her hostess, didn't call it out. 

It seemed more than a few of their friends had romantic after party plans for the rest of their Valentine's Day, and with the feast demolished and convo dying down, Kayla and Jess managed to convince everyone to head out instead of the usual clean up co-op. It was even surprisingly easy to shoo Aaron out of the apartment. 

Still, a sense of relief washed over them both as the door closed behind the last guest. 

"Jesus, that _woman_!" Kayla said, slumping the back of her head against her front door after she'd locked it. 

"A little much, right?" Jess grimaced, but good-naturedly. 

"I shouldn't have invited her." Kayla huffed a stray hair out of her face. 

"Oh yes you should've, you're being the bigger person." Jess offered. 

Kayla examined her skeptically a moment before she noticed Jess was doing dishes. "You stop that right now." 

"Well she's my boss, I'm going to defend her a little bit-" 

Kayla giggled. "I meant the kitchen. We've got other things to attend to first." 

"Oh, we do?" 

"Mhm." 

Without skipping a beat Jess made toward the bedroom. 

"Where are you going?" Kayla stopped her in her tracks, a tone of reprimand tinging the words. 

"Ah, er- did you mean to start with living room clean up? Sorry, I'm sex demon again, I guess." 

Kayla grinned. "You're so adorable." 

She closed the distance between them and gave Jess's hand a tug. "Let's go up to the greenhouse." She whispered then, "It's snowing and nobody will see us." 

"I- wow." Jess's mind reeled for a moment at this sexy new idea, envisioning a thousand possibilities. 

"Happy Valentine's Day, baby."


	18. Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you've had enough angst for this week I don't blame you. But maybe hold off reading this chapter until the election is over lol <3

_fuck you kayla. i never want to hear from you again._

With tears in her eyes Jess hit send. 

Then block. 

Then collapsed backwards onto her bed, curled up with a pillow pulled tightly to her chest.

And sobbed. 

*****

Kayla slammed the bathroom stall door locked behind her and pressed her back to it in anguish. 

Her lips still tingling, she pressed her eyes shut. 

_Oh God, oh God, dear God help me._ Her fingers flew to her coat pocket and dug out her phone. Jess's latest reply still glowed on the screen. 

_Love you angel_

_Ohgodohgodohgod_

Kayla burst into tears, utterly terrified, allowing the phone to slip from her grasp and clatter to the floor. 

Slowly, her knees buckled and she followed suit until she was squatting and her business skirt brushed with damp tile. 

A brief flash of a year ago crying in the bathroom at Fox News grazed her memory. 

There would be no Jess scurrying in behind her to comfort her this time. 

_She trusted me. I need her. What have I done?_

*****

"Jess! Sit! Please." Aaron motioned to the seat opposite the desk in her office. Jess sat.

It was early April and things had continued to go well at BRITDOC. Jess finally believed that they could let bygones be bygones between them and have a strong employee-boss relationship. 

Even if Aaron had continued to be a nuisance at Kayla's Mardi Gras party. And would probably be one again at Easter. 

Even if Aaron had just returned from having a business lunch with Kayla while Jess was stuck in the office rifling through film footage. 

Patience with all of this was a small price to pay to have her dream job and her dream girl. 

"What can I do for you, Ms. Miller?"

"Oh you know better than that," Aaron waved off Jess's word choice. "Aaron, please. We're friends." She smiled wanly. 

"Okay, Aaron," Jess conceded, returning the smile. 

"I wanted to discuss my luncheon with Kayla. We came to some agreements that will affect you." 

"Oh?" Jess's eyebrow raised in curiosity. 

"First- I am happy to report that Kay's company has successfully sold all projects to major distributors. It's happening." Aaron couldn't contain a wide grin, full of pride. "Pospisil Studios is officially on the map." 

"Wow! What, er who are the distributors?" Gears were churning in Jess's head. She'd spent the night at Kayla's last night. And they'd been texting this morning. 

_Why didn't she tell me?_

"I'm guessing you're wondering why she didn't say something to you..." Aaron dutifully hung her head in an attempt to convey pity, but completely avoided answering Jess's question. 

Jess shrugged it off. "Maybe it wasn't a done deal until today." 

"Oh no. At lunch Kay said this has been in the works for some time." 

"Oh." 

"It's pretty apparent to me she deliberately kept this from you." 

"I'm sure she had her reasons." 

"Yes, she did." Aaron leaned back in her chair, folding her arms neatly across her chest. Once again Jess felt as though her boss was sizing her up. 

"I'm...a little confused as to why we're talking about this, sorry," Jess finally said, dumbfounded. "I mean it's wonderful news, but you made it seem as though we were going to discuss something involving my job." 

"Oh not your job, I'm sorry." Aaron waved her hand again. "No you can still keep that if you want to. This will purely affect your personal life." 

Jess blinked. Aaron's thought process was a hard one to follow. And a bit worrying.

Aaron settled her hands atop her desk, facial expression borderline smug. "Jess, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there is still something going on between Kayla and myself."

Jess stifled a laugh. She could barely help it. Kayla loved her. Kayla thought Aaron was ridiculous. Jess was beginning to think so, too. 

"Aha..." She finally managed incredulously.

"Don't believe me?" 

"With all due respect..." Jess shook her head, "I believe that you want to believe that."

Aaron's attempt at conveying pity came back over her face, but the hint of a smirk still lingered at the corners of her mouth. "We ended lunch with a kiss, Jess. I am really sorry. But Kay still has feelings for me. She tried to fight them by convincing herself she loved you. But you left her when she needed you the most. She needs someone who is always there for her." 

Jess blinked again, faith in the idea that she knew the real truth was faltering slightly. She knew the last statements were correct. Thus, it was unlikely, but not _impossible_ that the rest of what Aaron was saying was, too. But before she could come up with an adequate response, Aaron was shoving her phone in Jess's face. 

Sure enough, right there in front of her was a selfie of Aaron and Kayla kissing. Jess's mind reeled as it frantically attempted to conjure an alternative explanation, but her training in journalism betrayed her as it seemed to confirm Aaron's story. In the photo Kayla was wearing what she'd left the house in that morning. Aaron was wearing the outfit she had on in front of Jess now. 

For good measure, Aaron swiped at her phone screen to reveal it as the newest picture in her camera roll. Dated today. Aaron watched her eagerly, awaiting a reaction. 

"...Seriously?" Jess murmured. 

"Again, I am sorry. I know this is an extremely unfortunate and unprofessional way to inform you of this, but. Kay said it had to be done." 

"She did?" 

"She's too good of a person to want to hurt you. I promised to fall on the sword for her by passing this along." 

Jess's mind continued to race, desperately seeking any way out of what seemed to be too horrible a reality to bear. After everything they'd been through together, how could Kayla do this? Maybe Aaron was still manipulating the situation, somehow? If Kayla hadn't wanted to kiss Aaron, surely she'd have told Jess Aaron came on to her? Jess scrambled in her pocket for her phone. Maybe Kayla texted an explanation, or she'd missed her call. 

Nothing. 

"Honestly, she couldn't bear to tell you. She thinks better of you than she should after all you put her through." 

Jess felt in her heart that Aaron was right. She sat in silent struggle for a moment, before shooting out of her chair. 

"You know, you're right, I'm not good enough for Kayla Pospisil. And if she couldn't be honest with me about it I don't want to ever try to be." 

"That's good, because she and I? We're going to give us another shot." 

"Fantastic." Jess tossed up her hands, before shooting a jabbing finger in her boss's direction, "But I'll tell you one thing, Aaron Miller. You're not good enough for her either. And you're not good enough for me." She threw open the office door, rocking its hinges. "I quit." 

Aaron smiled at the retreating blonde bun. 

"Fine by me."

*****

Jess's phone was ringing. She heard it through a break in her crying to gasp for air. 

In spite of herself she drew the phone towards her, cautiously optimistic that Kayla or Aaron might be trying to reach her somehow, to say that this had all been some massive, cruel joke. 

Through watery eyes Jess peered at the lockscreen. 

_Rachel Andrews_

Jess hastily wiped her nose on her wrist and answered the call. 

"Rach?" 

"O'Reilly's in trouble. I'm- We're in trouble, Jess." 

Immediate concern for a friend momentarily brushed aside her heartbreak. 

"Tell me what's going on. Are you okay? Where are you?" 

"I'm at home," Rachel's voice was very quiet, and sounded as if it were on the verge of breaking. 

"You're safe?" 

"Yeah." 

"What's going on with Bill? Did he-?"

"No." Rachel cut her off quickly. "Not me. But five other women- There are lawsuits...and I think it's going to hit the media. It's only a matter of time. I don't think I'm going to have a job anymore...Jess...Did he hurt you? Is that why you left?" 

"No, no. Tell me what I can do to help." 

"...Can I come over?" 

"Hang up and text me your address. I'll send an uber."


	19. Farewell Factor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey no more tr*mp either! xx

"Ron told me you're a lesbian." Rachel murmured as she ran a soft index finger up and down Jess's forearm. She lay tucked in the crook of Jess's other arm as Jess absently ran a hand through her reddish mane. 

"Oh he did, huh?" 

"Yup." Rachel grinned. "I thought I'd be the only queer at Fox. I'm kinda disappointed now."

"They sure do seem to accidentally wind up with a lot less heterosexuals than they intended," Jess chuckled. She stopped petting Rachel's hair and gave her shoulder a gentle poke. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks for this." 

"What'll you do?"

"This afternoon I called the number on that WIP card you gave me. Thank you for that, by the way. This seriously friendly lady was very encouraging about my prospects. It's just...still scary, y'know? If O'Reilly gets pulled...the whole industry is vulnerable to cancellation. Like," She turned to face Jess, propping her head up on her elbow. "This sort of thing happens in every production studio, right? And O'Reilly is one of the most successful shows on air. Nobody's safe." 

"I'd like to think if this movement snowballs it's making women more safe." 

"Yeah...But you know what I mean." Rachel's browed furrowed as she contemplated. "Who's to say I don't get a brand new job and then lose that position too? Or worse, get harrassed there? The enemy you know is almost safer than the one you don't." 

Jess's thoughts strayed from the conversation and back to her own woes. If only she had warned Kayla about Roger. If only Kayla had known, maybe she'd have been safer...

"Jess?" 

"Sorry." She sighed. "I just went through a pretty nasty break up." 

"Nooo, oh no, I'm sorry. I didn't even ask how you are, or if this was bad timing, oh..." Rachel put her arm across Jess and hugged her to her, laying her head on Jess's chest. 

"It's okay, really." Jess went back to petting her. "It's nice to have the company, gets my mind off it." 

"Can I ask what happened?" 

"She left me for her ex. I really loved her, too." 

"Shit." 

"Shit." 

"I'm really sorry." 

"What's up with you and Ron?" Jess gave Rachel a silly little nudge to change subject. 

"Oh he is just the most wonderful man..." Rachel trailed off. All that was missing was a dreamy sigh. 

"And yet you're in bed with me?" 

"Well yeah, but we're not exclusive yet, I'm playing hard to get a little bit." Rachel laughed. "I guess I'm being mean, but it's hard for me to be completely vulnerable with someone I deeply care about and I just wanna make for damn sure he's the one first. But..." She bit down on her lip. "I think he's the one." 

"Oh my God I'm cupid." Jess swelled her chest, gazing dramatically into the heavens of her ceiling. 

"You might just be." Rachel dragged a finger down Jess's collar bone. "And that girl must be really stupid to have left this." 

"Stupid to go back to that stupid ex, maybe. But not stupid leaving me." 

"Don't say that, who wouldn't want you? I want you, _Ron_ wanted you."

"What a bizarre tryst we would make." 

"Don't make fun." 

"It's nice of you to say it's just. I screwed up early on, and while I was overlooking it things were good, _really_ good. But I guess she couldn't overlook it forever and since I've been forced to, I don't see how she ever did." 

"Well what kind of screw up was it?" 

"The kind where you work for Fox News and don't warn the pretty girl to steer clear of Roger Ailes and because you didn't protect her she gets hurt." 

"Your ex was at Fox? One of the women in Roger's settlement?" 

"Yeah." 

"And that's your fault how?" 

"She tried to ask me for help and I refused to be there for her. Because I'm a coward."

"Is that what she called you?" 

"It's what I'm calling me."

*****

"Jess Carr speaking," She answered her phone after waiting til nearly the last ring for the unknown number. 

"It's Courtney." 

"Oh. Hi." 

"Please don't hang up?"

"Okay." 

"You need to talk to Kayla." 

"I really don't." 

"I dunno what Aaron filled your head with, but it's bullshit, Kayla loves you. She's fucking miserable right now, she's-"

"Ask Aaron to show you the picture." 

"Picture. What picture? Jess-"

Jess hit end call.

*****

"What did she say?" 

"Girl, the company's starting to worry about you. Please come in tomorrow? You look awful, you need to get up." Courtney sat down heavily on the corner of Kayla's bed, ironing the comforter with her hand, but the wrinkles returned immediately, set in from days of being crumpled under the weight of someone so sad. 

Kayla continued to stare listlessly out her window, prostrate on her side with her back to her guest. "I meant Jess." She muttered. 

"I know who you meant." Courtney snapped, more out of frustration that she didn't have a better answer for her friend. A sigh. "She hung up on me." 

"Oh." 

"Seriously, Kayla. If she believes Aaron over you, she's a dick, you can do a zillion times better." 

"How could she ever believe me when I- oh, nevermind." 

"Have you eaten today, babe?" 

Courtney watched a sheet-covered shoulder rise and fall in reply. 

"I'm gonna whip something up." She stood; ironing the creases in her jeans a much more successful effort. When she got to the doorway she paused, gazing back at her friend - who still had not stirred - and remembered the last bit of her brief call with Jess. 

"Hey, Kayla?" 

"Huh?" 

"Why'd Jess say something about a picture? Seemed to think it would shut down my argument. Not that I doubt you, just...what was up with that, d'you know?" 

A long moment of silence filled the air, heavy and thick before Kayla replied. 

"It's evidence, Court. Evidence that I cheated on Jess with Aaron." 

Courtney gripped the edge of the doorway for support, startled. Nothing about this seemed like the Kayla she knew at all. 

_What the hell is going on?_

*****

"Jess?" 

"Rach!" Jess replied into her phone through a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

"I'm...downstairs. Sorry. Can I come up?" 

"'Course." Jess rolled off her bed, swallowing a last bit of ice cream as she tossed the spoon into the sink from the hall. She reached her door and buzzed Rachel up. 

"Everything okay?" She asked when she found Rachel standing on her threshold. 

But Rachel's face was ashen, the beginnings of tears pooling in the lower lids of her eyes. She leapt at Jess, who held her. 

"They fired Bill," She murmured into Jess's shoulder. "It'll be everywhere tomorrow." 

She let go of Jess and searched her eyes. "Fox wants me to stay. Offered me a position under Tucker Carlson."

Speechless, Jess raised her eyebrows. 

"I dunno what to do. WIP offered me a place with another company, but it doesn't pay as much..." 

"Take it," Jess gave Rachel's hand a comforting squeeze. "Minor set back. A stepping stone. Likely better work environment." 

_Likely, but not a given._ Jess's thoughts soured as she remembered Aaron. 

"I want Ron to leave with me." Now Rachel did dissolve. "What if he doesn't?" 

Jess braced herself for the reply she knew she had to give. "If he deserves you, he'll come with you." 

_I never deserved Kayla._

*****

"What the hell did you do?" Aaron's office door blew open one morning in early May. An extremely impatient Courtney stood intimidatingly in the entryway, hands on hips, eyes boring into her old friend. 

Ang the intern flew in behind her, skidding to a stop so harshly that his ID badge swung over his shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Miss Miller, I tried to stop her, I-" 

"That's fine, Ang," Aaron held up a calm hand to send him off. "Close the door, Courtney, please, come in." 

"I-" Courtney was already starting up again, but checked herself long enough to quietly close the door before rounding on Aaron. 

"Show me this 'picture.'" It wasn't a request. 

"Ah, so you've heard Kayla and I are back together." 

"HA! Good one. You know," Courtney gesticulated with an accusatory index finger, "That might just be the first funny thing you've ever said." 

Aaron made a point of slowly and carefully retrieving her phone, then offering it to Courtney. 

Courtney scrutinized. Yes, it appeared to be a photo of Aaron and Kayla in liplock. "This is old," She asserted. "Coulda been taken months and months ago." 

"Try last week." 

"Then you kissed _her_." 

"I did. But she asked me to." 

"Liar." Courtney tossed her phone back in her face. "You don't give two flying fucks about Kayla. Because of you she's been in bed crying since it happened." 

"I care a great deal for her. She's just gotta work out her guilty feelings." 

Courtney unhinged her jaw. "You're so full of shit." 

"She'll be honest about asking me to kiss her if you inquire. Why don't you go do that instead of wasting my valuable work time?"


	20. Business Luncheon

"The bids were really close, Aar, I'm sorry." Kayla scurried into the bistro, flopping a laptop bag over the back of her chair before slipping into it.

"No worries, I'm glad it's going to air, whether through BRITDOC or elsewhere. Your success is what matters. You look nice." Aaron watched as Kayla arranged herself and slid a menu in front of her.

"Thanks." Kayla said distractedly. She hadn't expected the deal to go through that morning, or she wouldn't have still agreed to meet Aaron for lunch. But it was never a bad day to have NBC outbid several other generous offers to convert your YouTube series into television broadcast, so she good naturedly kept the appointment to dine with her ex. She wasn't sure what they'd talk about now, however, with business negotiations off the table.

"Who got the show?" Aaron's lip curled a little, in a familiar way Kayla knew to be her subtle expression of jealousy. 

"That's not important right now," Kayla diverted, smiling graciously, "Tell me what's new with you?"

"Well I'm celebrating my dear friend's business achievements today! Should I order us some champagne?" 

"That's...really not necessary," Kayla attempted to laugh it off. "It's one o'clock in the afternoon."

"Up to you," Aaron shrugged. "How many of your productions have sold now? Is this number three?"

In spite of herself Kayla puffed out her chest a little, proud. "As a matter of fact..." She leaned in conspiratorially, "That was the last one." 

Aaron's eyes grew wide as she leaned in too, grin spreading across her face. "Wow! Kayla, wow! That's amazing!" 

"It really is." Kayla acknowledged her own sense of bewilderment. She was feeling incredibly blessed. 

"Why didn't you tell me?!" 

"Well," Kayla shifted in her seat, "I haven't really told anyone. Not even my employees." 

"Not even Jess?" Aaron didn't miss a beat. 

"Nope." Kayla's brow grew a faint worry line. "I'll probably tell her tonight, though." 

"She should take you for a big celebratory dinner! Somewhere fancy!" 

"I'll have to see if she can get together tonight, dunno yet." Kayla perused the menu for something that came with fries. "I'm feeling more of a couch potato celebration for this one anyway." She smiled to herself, envisioning Jess wrapped in her arms later, peacefully snuggling. Then Kayla would drop the delightful news on her. She could just picture the way Jess's face would light up in pure delight. She was always so genuinely happy for Kayla's successes. Her heart swelled. 

"Does she deserve you, Kay?"

"Aaron..." 

"Seriously." 

Kayla wanted to be angry, but Aaron's stern, concerned, imploring look halted her. "Of course she does." Kayla said flatly, nose rising in the air a little as she returned to scanning the menu.

"You sure?"

“Aaron what’s it going to take to prove to you that I am in love with Jess and that things between you and I are over for good?” Kayla closed her menu resolutely and stared in consternation across the table.

“Kay, baby, you dunno that. We were so good together, _so_ good.” 

“When we broke up you threw a fit in my studio and outed me at work, for goodness’ sake, if I wasn’t already out of love with you then, that right there cemented things being over forever between us.” 

“Kayla I know you know somewhere deep down that Jess Carr doesn’t deserve you. Yes, in my moment of heartbroken outburst I didn’t deserve you, either. And I am sorry. But it’s not like that when we’re together, we’re good for each other. Did I ever treat you wrong? Did I ever do anything but protect and worship you?” 

“No, you were really great, Aar. I just wasn’t in love with you. I’m sorry.” 

“Jess isn’t worthy of your love.” 

“Shut up! God!” A few heads turned curiously across the restaurant as Kayla glared down at the table with pink cheeks. She was embarrassed that Aaron had finally made her snap, but enough was enough. 

“You know, if you were to kiss me, maybe you'd fucking get it. Maybe _that_ would prove to you I feel _nothing_ for you. When Jess kisses me I nearly faint I’m so dizzy and drunk on her. But I promise you, if you kissed me I'd continue sitting here stoically and frankly - bored. This is getting tiresome, Aaron. You try to cozy up to me every time I include you in my dinner parties and it’s terribly insulting to keep doing that to Jess in her presence, much less disrespectful of my boundaries.” 

“Kay, sweetheart, I’m sorry, I just...I’m still in love with you, I don’t want there to be any boundaries between us. I want you to see that you belong with me, someone who would never ever let anything happen to you, unlike what Jess did.” 

“Stop bringing that up, okay? It’s not fair to her. I love her and she’s done nothing wrong. I need you to believe that.” 

In hindsight, Kayla knew she never should've used kissing hypotheticals on someone still so hung up on her. But she really never thought Aaron would take it as an actionable suggestion. Until Aaron's tongue was suddenly down her throat. 

She'd smacked Aaron hard across the face before she even knew she'd withdrawn her own and swung her arm. The whole restaurant was looking now. 

Aaron was gingerly clutching her pinkened cheek, but something about her expression didn't add up. There was almost a sort of...glee. Slowly, with her other hand, she raised her phone to eye level so that Kayla could see the screen. She'd taken a picture mid-kiss.

"How dare you..." Kayla finally managed. "You of all people, with your holier-than-thou judgement of Jess, doing something like that without consent, to me, _me_ of all people." She was seeing red. "Is it _because_ of what happened to me? That you thought I'd just acquiesce?" 

"Kayla, no, Kay-" 

But Kayla felt her rage transforming into vulnerability. Before she could start crying in front of the whole of the lunch audience, she shouldered her laptop bag and without another word, turned on heel.

"I did this for you, Kayla!" Aaron called to her swiftly retreating back.

But Kayla didn't stop until she was back at work. Hiding out in a bathroom stall to realize the enormity of her fuck up.

****

"You've gotta tell her, Kay," Courtney said gently. 

"I hurt her so badly with this, I'm not sure it's reparable." Kayla murmured. 

"You didn't do anything wrong. Aaron's a fuckwad." Courtney put her hand on top of Kayla's. "Literally delusional beyond reason. Jess, though. Jess is a reasonable person."

Kayla tucked her feet up under her where she sat on the couch and reached for her mug of tea with a concerned expression. 

"I lost her Courtney." 

"Only if she doesn't get to hear what really happened. Like, I'm pretty sure she'd kill Aaron for you if you asked her. Cement shoes, right into the Hudson. C'mon...this is like the most lesbian-ass miscommunication breakup ever." 

"I want to respect her wishes. She told me she never wants to hear from me again." 

"Bullshit." Courtney dropped her hand back to her own lap, slapping her thigh in exasperation. "I wouldn't be this adamant if I didn't see that you two have something special. Fight for it." 

****

Kayla lay face up on the sofa that night long after Courtney left, playing absentmindedly on her new phone. 

She typed in Jess's number, then erased it before hitting call. 

_She blocked you for a reason. Don't be a creep._

Kayla stared up at her ceiling, where the fairy lights Jess had had hung there for Valentine's Day continued to twinkle back down at her.

_She won't want me back now._


	21. Will You Still Love Me ~ Anyway?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short n sweet stan melissa etheridge https://youtu.be/I_bR1DNgylM

_I am profoundly sad and heartbroken to report that my husband, Roger Ailes, passed away this morning. Roger was a loving husband to me, to his son Zachary, and a loyal friend to many. He was also a patriot, profoundly grateful to live in a country that gave him so much opportunity to work hard, to rise—and to give back. During a career that stretched over more than five decades, his work in entertainment, in politics, and in news affected the lives of many millions. And so even as we mourn his death, we celebrate his life…_

Jess read the paragraph for the 15th time as the train screeched to a halt. Tossing the newspaper at the man sitting beside her, she was the first one out the doors, pushing past travelers in the station, taking the stairs two at a time. Landing on the sidewalk, she dashed the two blocks over and rang the call button on the keypad over and over and over. 

Their breakup didn't matter. Jess didn't even give it a second thought. 

“Pospisil Studios?” A voice on the call pad speaker finally replied.

“I’m here to see Ms. Pospisil.” 

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No.” 

“If you call our contact line we’d be happy to see if we can set a later date for any business inquiry. Do you need that number?” 

“WHERE IS SHE?” 

“I’m sorry ma’am I’m not allowed to-“

“Courtney, that you?” 

“No, my name is-“

“This is Jess Carr, I’m a uh- personal acquaintance.” 

“I’m sorry Ms. Carr, I’m afraid I can’t just-“ 

Jess took off down the street without listening. She’d try Kayla’s apartment. Fear flooded through her veins. She couldn’t think. All she wanted was to make sure Kayla was okay. 

She’d been walking without noticing her direction. Furious strides had led her blocks away. 

She looked up and found herself glaring at the statue of William Seward in Madison Square Park. 

Again. 

“…Jess?” 

She whirled around. The little peep of her name had come from that first park bench on her left. And there sat Kayla. Jess lost her breath, rooted to the spot. 

“Hi,” She breathed. Something like relief washed over her, simply seeing that Kayla still existed. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I was looking for you.” 

“…In the park?” 

“No. Some bitch at your studio wouldn’t let me up.” She huffed, emotional. Then, with regret at the unwarranted outburst, “Sorry.” Then, "What are _you_ doing here?" 

Kayla held her arms as if she were cold, despite the warm, sunny May afternoon. “...What did you want?” She didn’t look Jess in the eyes. 

“To see if you’re okay.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” This time her eyes dared to make contact. She was trying to look fine, but Jess could see something deep behind them that suggested the truth. 

They didn’t need to speak the words acknowledging the event of the day. Or all the confusion still heaped between them.

Jess struggled to keep a straight face. She was very close to her breaking point.

“Want to sit down?” Kayla gestured dejectedly to the park bench beside her. Jess finally came unglued and took a hesitant step forward. 

She sat down gingerly, never once taking her eyes off of Kayla. A month's worth of pain and worry threatened to burst through the surface of Jess’s cool, collected exterior.

“This was selfish. I’m sorry. I can go if you’d rather.” She finally said softly. 

_Please don't send me away._ Jess silently prayed.

Kayla didn’t reply, but in seconds her arms were wrapped around Jess’s neck, pulling her to her so tightly the air rushed from Jess’s lungs. She clung back, after a moment she felt Kayla slowly stroking between her shoulder blades with careful fingers. Another minute and they’d both dissolved into tears in each other’s arms. 

Their crying seemed to wash away weeks of misunderstanding, lack of communication, the emptiness of each other’s arms, hearts, beds…and the pain their former employers had inflicted on their lives. It was all melting away. They were suddenly free of all of that. 

After a long time Kayla pulled back, and smiled at Jess through a tear stained face. They both dissolved into relieved, choked-up laughs. Kayla traced a finger over Jess’s cheek to catch a tear, and then grabbed her neck and pulled her in for a kiss, in full view of wandering tourists and locals on their lunch break. 

When they parted Jess searched the younger woman’s eyes. “Kayla, I’m so sor-“ 

“Don’t.” Kayla cut her off with a severe stare. 

“But-“ 

“Don’t you ever dare. Hear me?” She slipped her hands into Jess’s, intertwining their fingers. “None of that,” her voice softened. “I fucked up. Not you. And fuck Aaron!” 

Jess gazed at her in amazement. 

"I never should've listened to her, though. I should've come to you." 

"I never should've sent you to BRITDOC. I never should've let her stay in our lives." 

"I should've trusted you instead of jumping to conclusions. I mean, I walked out on my job."

"Are you suggesting I taught you how to do that too well?" A small smile reemerged on Kayla's face. 

Jess allowed herself to grin back. "God I've missed you."

Kayla stayed quiet for a long moment. “...Will you still love me anyway?” She eventually murmured.

" _Will you still need me when you're victorious?_ " Jess quipped.

"What?"

"It's a Melissa Etheridge song... _Really_ gotta start sharing my musical prowess with you."

Kayla gave a small cluck of her tongue in amusement.

"Well you _are_ victorious! Every one of your projects getting greenlit? I am so proud of you Kayla Pospisil and yes, I will never stop being madly in love with you,” Jess breathed this last bit very seriously. The sober expression on her face made Kayla's heart flutter.

"I love you too, Jess. More than you could ever realize. I thought I lost you and I-"

"Hey." Jess kissed her to shut her up.

Kayla smiled into it as she felt that wonderful dizziness swirling in her head again. It had been far too long since the sensation had taken her over. She had ached for it and now relished it. Roger Ailes was dead and Jess Carr was back by her side. 

Maybe things were finally, finally, going to be okay.

"Wanna go somewhere and talk?" Kayla asked after they'd parted. She fiddled with a ring on Jess's thumb before looking up into the beautiful clear eyes she'd missed so much. 

"Coffee?" Jess smiled. 

"Coffee." 


	22. Redeemed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone who supports a jess carr redemption arc should also support harper caldwell that's all im gonna say

“And you don’t have to, just whatever you _want_ to do, you know, you’re free to, whenever.” 

“Why thank you,” Jess watched as Kayla’s attention honed in on the top buttons of Jess’s blouse, undoing a couple and slipping a hand across the collarbone she found there. Jess closed her eyes, content. “I _am_ perfectly capable of finding myself a new job without your influence.” 

“I know. Someone with your talents is in very high demand. So I’m just trying to beat out the competition and claim you first.” 

“Oh you’re calling dibs?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Like I belong to you? Kinda objectifying.” 

“Oh! _Nooo_ , Jess, I was just-“

“I like when you objectify me.” 

Kayla rolled her eyes and gave Jess’s underarm a halfhearted tickle. “Be serious for a second. I don’t want you to go hungry or lose your apartment or something. Do some production consulting for Pospisil Studios sometime, hm?” 

“I will! I promise.” Jess kissed the top of Kayla’s head. “I do have several other offers to consider though. Pretty generous, they want me bad.” 

“Should I be jealous?” 

“Better sweeten your deal, Pospisil.” Jess booped Kayla’s nose with her index finger.

“How are you mine?” Kayla’s expression was suddenly very sober. 

She didn’t seem to be intentionally returning to their ownership banter. It was a simple ask, full of a kind of wonder rather than jest. 

So Jess didn’t reply with sarcasm. She understood it was rhetorical and stayed quiet. They’d spent the whole afternoon talking everything out in a cafe. Once Jess heard the whole story of the Aaron debacle, she wished she hadn’t behaved the way she did. But Kayla was too full of her own guilty apologies to see things that way, and wanted nothing more than to spend all her time proving how adored Jess was. She’d fall all over herself to show it for the rest of her life if she had to.

Secretly, deep down beyond the immense relief of reunion and reignited love, was the hope in both their hearts that they could last together for the rest of both their lives. 

But for that night it was enough to just lay on Kayla’s couch in each other’s arms, paying more attention to each other’s breathing patterns and heartbeats than to the tv show glowing through the dark living room before them. 

The stillness of their innocent intimacy enveloped them both in a tranquility they hadn’t felt in months. Kayla’s grip around Jess’s torso intensified as she squeezed her to her. “We are never getting off this couch again.” 

“Good, best place in the world.” Jess returned the tighter hold.

*****

Early summer seeped into late summer, and soon fall was closing in on New York City. Kayla was kept occupied under piles of transition work as Pospisil Studios was merged under NBC. Her work week now consisted of bouncing back and forth between studios; her schedule had already been a hectic juggle, now it was almost impossible to keep up. 

It was all she could do to make it to Friday night before tumbling into her bed after a frozen dinner at 8 pm. 

But she was happy. 

When Jess wasn't doing some production consulting of her own, either independently or via Kayla's studio, she'd scurry over to her girlfriend's apartment on Friday afternoons and make dinner for her to come home to. Often, they'd merely eat off plates at the foot of the bed, falling asleep to the hum of a low-volume film. But sometimes, they had just enough energy that Kayla would turn on the music playlist Jess had curated for her and take her by the hand to slow dance around the living room.

Under the fairy lights Kayla vowed never to take down.

*****

"So there's this function I gotta go to tomorrow night..." Jess set her plate down on the bed one Friday evening in October, and garbled this casually through a last mouthful of dinner. 

"Oh?"

"Wondered if you'd be my date for it."

"If I say no, d'you have a back up?" 

"I'd just have to go stag." A heavy sigh. 

Kayla set down her own plate and an amused, sympathetic smile played out across her face. She kissed Jess's cheek. "I'd follow you anywhere and you know it. What's the 'function'?" 

"A couple friends of mine are having an engagement party." 

"Oh, that's cute!" 

"Yeah they're real cute for a straight couple." 

"Jess, play nice." 

"I can't, just be sure to pray for me in Church." Jess returned the cheek peck. 

"I always do." Kayla stuck her nose in the air, feigning moral superiority. 

Jess snatched up Kayla's plate and set it with her own on the floor at the foot of the bed, then leapt on her.

Their eyes locked, their eyebrows raised in unison. They grinned stupidly at each other. 

But then Kayla shook her head. In seconds, she had them rolled over and Jess pinned to the bed instead. Kayla kissed her hard; when she pulled away she brought Jess's bottom lip with her between her teeth.

Jess's breath caught momentarily but she finally managed, "Kayla..."

"Yes?" 

"Fuck me."

*****

"Jess!" Rachel jumped into her former coworker's arms as soon as she and Kayla stepped in the door of the restaurant. She withdrew, taking Jess's hands with her and squeezing them tight. "I am so so glad you came, I was worried you guys would be too busy...You're Kayla, right?" 

As quickly, Rachel dropped Jess's hands and embraced Kayla too. "It's nice to finally meet you." 

"You as well!" Kayla replied sincerely. She couldn't help but size Rachel up a little too, though. Jess hadn't kept anything from her about their month apart. She knew Rachel thought Jess was a catch. She knew this woman's fiance had, too. Was this going to be a hard night? 

"Where's our dude? Gotta go congratulate him." Jess asked after Ron. 

"At the bar with his college buddies." Rachel nodded behind her with an eye roll. "Be careful though it's extra testosterone-y over there." 

Jess puffed out her shoulders and swung her biceps, a stern expression coming over her face. "I'll hold my own." She asserted. "Kay, rum and coke?" She shot a finger gun and a wink at her other half. 

Kayla shook her head in amused incredulity, but Jess knew this was really a "yes, please," and promptly marched off. 

"He might try to talk you into being his best man!" Rachel called after her. 

Kayla laughed. "Were he and Jess so close?" 

"He still considers Jess the hero of our fairy tale." Rachel pressed her wine glass to her cheek with a faraway look. 

"How's that?" 

"Setting us up, saving us from that _place_...God, I dunno what I would've done without her advising me before _and_ after O'Reilly got sacked. Plus both Ron and I got better jobs because of her when the dust settled." 

But Jess had only briefly told Kayla about Ron's infatuations with Rachel and herself. The rest...this was the first Kayla was hearing of it. 

"...She did?"

"She didn't tell you? Well, that sounds like her. She's not one to toot her own horn. But yeah..." Rachel's train of focus fell over to the bar, where Jess had a fraternal hand on Ron's shoulder as he waved a glass of beer over his head in enthusiasm for whatever conversation was taking place between them. Rachel smiled at his evident happiness. "I don't know what I would've done if Jess hadn't been there for me. For us." She turned back to Kayla, whose eyes had followed Rachel's own line of vision. 

"You were there too, weren't you?" She asked gently. 

Kayla's breath caught and her heart sped up. It seemed so long ago now, most of the time, and never got talked about. So she was surprised the topic still had a physical effect on her anxieties. 

It was all she could do to nod. 

"It's probably not my place like, at _all_ ," Rachel began, "But she is so in love with you. I've never seen such a marked change in someone's happiness as when she came back to work after you two got together. And that whole time you two were broken up? She wasn't herself." Rachel moved to touch Kayla's elbow. "She didn't tell me much about what happened to you or what went on between you both but I need you to know that she was my guardian angel at Fox News, and basically Ron's too. She's a good egg and you need to do everything you can to keep her." 

Kayla bit back the tears welling in her eyes, not from sadness necessarily, just an overflow of emotion. She nodded ever so slightly in reply. "Thank you." She whispered. Then, "When an opportunity presents itself, will you tell _her_ all of this? She still doesn't believe it about herself." 

"I've told her." Rachel reassured Kayla. "But I thought maybe if I told you, you could tell her, too."

And then Jess was sauntering back over with a drink in each hand. Ron shuffled along in her wake with a refill for Rachel. 

Before she could hand Kayla her drink Kayla had Jess tightly wrapped up in her arms, nuzzling her nose deep into her neck. "I love you so fucking much. You're such an incredible human being." She murmured softly. 

Jess stood frozen in bewilderment for a second, arms still raised in front of her so as not to spill their drinks. A smile caught one corner of her mouth though, and twitched upwards until a dimple appeared. "Gosh, I love you too, amazing woman." She gave back. She caught Rachel's eye over the top of Kayla's head, but the former just shrugged and grinned. 

"This is Kayla, by the way," Jess pointed to her for Ron's benefit when Kayla finally released her and had taken her drink. 

He stuck out a hand and shook Kayla's. "Yeahhh, you're exactly how I'd expect Jess's other half to look - just as gorgeous and talented too, I suspect." 

"You are very handsome yourself," Kayla conceded in a silly tone one man might reserve for an equally heterosexual man friend. 

Ron opened his mouth to attempt a witty response, but Rachel shoved him backwards with a hand to his chest. "Right, before you get weird, dance with me, please."

Jess and Kayla watched the newly-engaged couple take to the dance floor. Other friends milling about began to join them. The pair took their time enjoying their drinks in each other's silent company. When Kayla noticed Jess's glass was low, she took it from her, returning empty handed from the bar. 

She held one out to Jess. "Shall we?" 

Jess slipped her fingers through Kayla's and they stepped into the dancing crowd with everyone else. The light buzz of the alcohol and the slow spinning of their bodies pressing close combined to create a lovely dream-like haze around them. They could've been slow dancing in Kayla's twinkling living room. They could've been slow dancing in a basement. It didn't matter to them. 

The only thing that made it unusually special was the revelation Kayla had just received from Rachel. Kayla already knew Jess was a wonderful person. And she'd always tried to convince Jess of that. But now every effort to make up for their confused little break up earlier in the year would be two-fold, and she knew exactly how to play it now. Jess had grown so much as a person. Helping Rachel and Ron was just another example of that. 

"You're their hero, you know," Kayla breathed into Jess's ear as they swayed. She entwined their fingers more tightly, stroking Jess's palm with her thumb and pulling her in to her more tightly by the waist. 

"Okay what did Rachel fill your head with when I went for drinks? Because that's the second time you've spoken in hyperbole about me this evening when I've done nothing at all exceptional and-" 

Kayla kissed her to shut her up, a long, sensual, but ultimately sweet kiss. When they parted there were sparkles in Jess's eyes. "Jess, you're my hero, too." She wasn't going to answer the question. She would, later, when it was more appropriate to have a serious conversation about what she'd heard and how it'd made her feel so proud. For now Kayla wanted nothing more than to shower Jess with even half the affection she deserved. "I'm gonna marry you one day." She finally blurted, unthinking. It came out because her heart was full of it, not because she thought it was what Jess wanted to hear. 

For one horrifying second, she realized it might not be. 

Jess's mouth hung ajar, her widening pupils darting from one end of her eye to the other, desperately searching Kayla's in an attempt to read any other possible meanings that lay behind them. 

She found none. 

"Baby..." Her gaze fell to Kayla's lips and then they were in liplock again, the room and everyone in it falling away around them.


	23. What Christmas Means To Me

“So we’ve been avoiding the conversation: How’re we handling the holidays?” Jess finally broke their stalemate on the topic over a private Thanksgiving dinner; leftovers from the giant midday meal with all of their friends, courtesy of Kayla. 

Jess noticed her immediate discomfort. She’d suspected this would happen, but it _had_ to be better to talk things out and find a solution than to continue letting it stew inside Kayla’s mind alone. 

“How do _you_ want to handle them?” Kayla asked quietly in return. 

“Well I’d like to know what would make you happiest.”

“What would make me happiest can’t happen, in all honesty,” Kayla said.

“Can you tell me what it is, anyway?” 

A sad smile pulled at the corners of Kayla’s mouth. “Every year on Christmas Eve, my brothers and their girlfriends – well, my big brother Tim and his wife with my nieces, my little brothers and their girlfriends, and my...boyfriend and myself, usually- “ She smiled nervously up at Jess after this last tidbit, “...all dress up in matching Christmas-themed pajamas, and then the little ones put on a Nativity play. It’s the most adorable tradition, we’ve been doing it for so many years, back when I was a child I used to play the Virgin Mary…”

Jess stifled a chuckle at the cute mental image of a little Kayla with a sheet draped over her hair, trying her earnest best to look pious.

“Afterwards we all make hot cocoa and sit around the fire and Mom plays the piano, ‘Silent Night’ and a few Psalms...It all must sound stupid to you.” 

“No!” Jess replied fiercely. “Keep going.” 

“We all wake up extra early the next morning so the kids can open their stockings before Church…And after the service we have a massive breakfast of homemade waffles and all sorts of ridiculous sweets as toppings,” The smile covering Kayla’s entire face betrayed how much she loves Christmas with her family. “When we were kids, Timmy would knick a couple candy canes off the tree and smash them with a hammer, then sprinkle them over his and my waffles.” 

Jess found herself smiling too. 

“And then we just open hoards of gifts until dinner time. It’s an absolute free-for-all.” 

Jess hated to turn the conversation; she felt she knew the answer to her next question already. “So...what’s the problem?” 

Kayla’s eyes darkened. “It won’t be any fun without you,” She replied simply and softly. 

Jess’s heart caught in her throat. 

“And you’re sure…they wouldn’t...I mean they won’t accept-“

“I’m sure, Jess.” Kayla tried her best not to sound as miserable as this reality made her feel. She finally looked up at her girlfriend and smiled sadly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Baby it’s not your fault.” 

They stared at each other then. Another stalemate. 

Jess finally continued, "Look, I don’t want you to feel obligated or made to choose. It won’t hurt my feelings if you want to go home and spend Christmas with your folks. But please know you’re welcome to come to my parents’ place with me instead, if you want. Because I will miss you. And also because my mom and dad want to meet you.” 

Kayla just slowly shook her head. 

“What? Did I say something wrong?” 

“No,” her girlfriend cleared her throat because it was suddenly caught. “You still really are just the most wonderful person.” 

“No.” Jess countered, but didn’t elaborate. She secretly held her breath, awaiting Kayla’s decision. She didn’t hold her hopes too high that she’d win out over blood relatives and cultural tradition. But she wanted to. 

Finally, the corners of Kayla’s mouth upturned shyly. “Then...I’m gonna have to ask you to take me home with you.” 

Jess didn’t believe what she’d heard. “Yeah?” 

“Would your parents mind? I don’t want to be inviting myself or-“ 

“They invited you.” Jess quickly grabbed her knee to shut her up before she went any further. “Are you kidding? My mother’s been on my ass to bring a woman home for Christmas for _sooo_ long.” 

This set both their minds at ease. Kayla pulled Jess to her and held her tightly against her chest for a while. “Maybe one day you’ll experience a Pospisil family Christmas.”

“It sounds very Brady Bunch, could be fun.” Jess gently joked. She looked up to give Kayla’s cheek a quick peck. 

“If their worldview weren’t so stuck in the ‘50s, they’d love you.” Kayla informed her. 

Jess laughed into her neck. “Yeah, the God-skeptical, Hillary-voting, Fox-hating dyke. Ideal in-law material.” 

“In-law? You wanna marry me too, Jess Carr?” 

“Jess _Pospisil_ , really stick it to ‘em.” 

*****

They worked right up until December 22nd. The next day they caught a flight to D.C. Jess, it turned out, was slightly afraid of flying, but learned that it was much less of an ordeal when a pretty girl held your hand. Maybe not when she kept enthusiastically trying to point out beautiful views from the window seat, 30,000 feet up. But to Jess the most beautiful view was right there next to her, anyway. 

When they disembarked and b-lined for baggage claim, Jess skimmed the airport anxiously for a glimpse of Mom and Dad Carr. From their vantage point on the descending escalator Kayla saw a medium-height man with thinning grey hair next to a short woman who could’ve been Jess in 30 years hustling towards them, waving eagerly. 

But Jess hadn’t spotted them, so Kayla wasn’t entirely sure. She pointed in their direction. “Is that them?” 

Jess followed her finger with her eyes. Then, “Yes!” She nearly leapt off the moving staircase, several steps too soon, and scooped a parent into each arm. Kayla shyly stepped off behind her, dragging her rolling carry-on neatly to the side, watching the family reunion and trying to keep calm.

It suddenly struck her that she was _about to meet the parents_. 

But she needn’t have worried.

“And Kayla, so lovely to meet you!” The older Jess clone was shaking Kayla’s hand in both of her own, dimples giving away Mrs. Carr’s sincerity. 

“So nice to meet you, too,” Kayla returned quietly. 

“I’ll take that, alright, Kayla?” Mr. Carr gave her shoulder a jovial pat before whisking her carry-on from her. As he led the way to the baggage carousel, the ladies fell into step together, Jess in the middle. 

She gazed at her mother as she curled both her arms around Kayla’s bicep, leaning her head on her shoulder. “Now wasn’t I right, Mama? Isn’t she just the most beautiful thing you ever saw?” 

“She is.” Mrs. Carr nodded and caught Kayla’s nervous glance with a reassuring smile. 

“Oh stoppit, Jess.” Kayla chided into her shoulder. Jess simply grinned, drunk on the feeling of suddenly having all her favorite people in one place. 

“You still got that red suitcase, Jessie?” Mr. Carr watched bags spin past in front of him, looking for a familiar one. 

“Yeah, Dad.” Jess released Kayla to be beside her father in his search. 

“What’s your lady’s look like?”

It was Jess’s turn to turn bashful. “Oh ah, we ah. We fit everything into the one.” 

Jess suspected putting this out there in earshot of her mother had Mrs. Carr’s gears turning.

She was right. 

_One suitcase. They ARE serious._ Mrs. Carr’s gaze shifted back to her daughter’s girlfriend, who had also taken the luggage discourse to heart. Nearly a year of being together and it still riled Kayla up to hear herself considered Jess's _lady_. Mrs. Carr didn’t miss the pink coloring Kayla’s cheeks or the gleam of adoration in her eyes aimed at her daughter’s back. _Yes, very serious. This girl’s in love with my daughter. As she should be._

Kayla felt eyes on her then, and looked up at Jess’s mother, who closed the space between them and threw an arm around her shoulders, squeezing Kayla to her. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

******

The Carrs served an early dinner, anticipating their guests being tired from a long day of travel. Kayla was refreshed to observe Mr. Carr taking over dish duty afterwards, allowing the ladies to retire to the living room, where Mrs. Carr put on the Hallmark channel in hopes of a holiday marathon. 

She found one, and Jess busied herself wriggling between her girlfriend and her mother, hand slipping through Kayla’s fingers and squeezing tight. She closed her eyes fairly quickly; none-too-enthused with the cheesy heterosexual romance fare on TV, but happy. 

She eventually nodded off against her mother’s shoulder. Kayla and Mrs. Carr noticed this at the same time and shared a knowing smile. Mrs. Carr gently brushed stray hairs from her daughter’s brow before resting her own head there and shutting her eyes. After a moment she too seemed to be dozing, so Kayla tucked the blanket up around them more snuggly and carefully got up off the couch. 

She headed in search of conscious company, and caught sight of Cody, the Carr’s golden retriever, through the screen of the back porch door. 

“Kayla!” Mr. Carr raised a beer over his head in greeting and beckoned her with his other hand, so she let the screen door flap closed behind her and sidled onto the wooden swing bench where Jess's dad now sat. Cody peeked one eye open lazily from where he lay sprawled at the top of the deck stairs. His tail swatted the ground a couple times in sleepy greeting. 

“You have a beautiful home…and your backyard, wow.” Kayla told him. 

Mr. Carr smiled at her and took another sip of his beer. They rocked themselves occasionally with a foot to the deck, gazing quietly out across a small pond as the water turned from bright yellow to dull orange and began to purple with the setting sun. 

“You know, I feel strange saying this to _you,_ a refined-looking young lady, but,” Mr. Carr finally broke the silence. “As her father I am obligated to tell you I will kill you if you hurt my Jessie.” 

Kayla broke out into a bashful grin, the comment unexpected. She tucked hair behind her ear and shook her head, trying to think of what to say. 

“Nah, I don’t think you will, either,” Mr. Carr supplied. Kayla chanced a quick look into his face, avoiding eye contact. His expression read sincere. He caught her eye and leaned in conspiratorially. “You know you’re the first gal she’s brought home to meet us?” 

“Really?” Her heart soared a little in spite of herself. 

Mr. Carr took another swig. “She's had other girlfriends, but I guess didn't deem them worthy to meet us." He grinned. "You must be very special.” 

Kayla’s heart now caught in her throat. She forced herself to meet his gaze. “Mr. Carr…I’ve never met anyone better than Jess. And I don’t think I ever will.” She scarcely breathed. 

He blinked at her. If he’d been sizing her up his guard was down completely now. He pursed his lips into an appreciative smile and laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Please,” he said with some emotion, “Call me Terry.” 

Overcome with gratitude and affection for Jess’s father, and to keep herself from crying, Kayla leapt into Terry’s arms and squeezed him tight. He reciprocated in pleasant surprise. 

“What’s goin’ on out here?” Jess’s sleepy head appeared in the doorway. She froze when she saw two of her favorite people in embrace. She needed someone to just pinch her. 

“Hey, come join us, Jay bird.” Her dad said.


	24. PJs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rest of this fic is finally drafted! it's almost been a year since i started writing/posting it and i cant thank yall enough for reading. it has been a lot of fun to write and saved my sanity this year. this chapter and one more will go up before xmas and then i'll prob take a holiday hiatus til end of january. id like to stretch out editing/posting the last chapters so it ends around summer time (there's like 25% of the story left now). 
> 
> happy reading, happy holidays, and wishing you a very safe, healthy, prosperous new year 2021! xx

Christmas Eve arrived cheerful and calm. For Jess’s part, it was nothing short of delightful to see her family with Kayla. It was equally enjoyable for her guest, who liked more than anything to discover which parent the little Jess mannerisms had come from. 

Mr. and Mrs. Carr found it revelatory. Jess was a new person, more alive than they’d seen her in years. The gratitude they felt for this Kayla Pospisil grew by the hour because of it. After lunch, Jess’s mom roped Kayla into helping with the cookies. She was on the prowl for more information about who Kayla was. 

Their conversation drifted easily to gardening. Though the two women’s green thumbs worked very different types of gardens, their focus on herbs and vegetables still provided them common ground. 

“Well, good,” Mrs. Carr finally concluded. “Jess has at least one source of home grown in the Big City. Keep feeding her. She looks more radiant than normal.” She passed Kayla an icing tube. “I suspect that largely has to do with you.” 

She found it endearing when her daughter’s girlfriend couldn't stifle a gleeful smile. 

Kayla wondered how much the Carrs knew about how she and Jess had met, and the surrounding circumstances. She wondered if they knew about her home situation. If they knew she was raised conservative. Why hadn’t she asked Jess these things before they got here? 

“Goddammit!” She was shaken from her thoughts by this outburst accompanied by the frantic waving of Mrs. Carr’s hand, which had just come into unfortunate contact with a hot rung in the oven. 

“Oh, are you okay?!” 

“Yes, yes, just an absolute idiot!” Mrs. Carr gesticulated in an impatient manner familiar to Kayla, having seen it once previously when Jess slammed her big toe into the side of a dresser. It further endeared Kayla to her mother and she felt the need to help somehow. 

“Here, run it under the tap.” Kayla took the woman’s wrist and gently held it over the sink as she turned the water to lukewarm. 

“Ugh, thank you doll,” Mrs. Carr smiled at her. “Sorry for the language, I don’t usually go there but that was quite the painful surprise.” 

“It’s alright! Really.” Kayla tried to assuage. 

“No,” Mrs. Carr shook her head, “Jess told me how you feel about taking the Lord's name in vain, and you’ve every right not to hear it.” 

“It’s okay, that’s very kind.” Kayla bit her lip, but ultimately didn’t stop herself. “…What all has she told you about me, exactly..?” 

Mrs. Carr laughed. “Oh nothing bad, I assure you.” She turned back to the sheet of cookies she’d been removing from the oven when her accident happened, and began setting them on the cooling racks on the kitchen island. “In fact, Jess first told me about you when you two started working together. I could tell she had a thing for you even then.” She handed Kayla a cookie to decorate. 

“Really?” 

“Oh yes. I called her out on it, too. She said, and I quote, ‘If only she wasn’t drinking the Fox Kool-aid, she’d be perfect.’” 

“Oh. My God.” Kayla laughed, mildly mortified. 

Mrs. Carr put her non-injured hand on Kayla’s arm. “I know I can’t understand what your family life must’ve been like, growing up, but,” She waited until her daughter’s girlfriend met her gaze. “As long as you’re in Jess’s life, you have a home here.” 

Kayla blinked back an appreciative tear, heart full. Jess’s mother wiped one away from her own eye. Kayla was so glad Jess had a mother who loved her unconditionally like this. And maybe now she could have a taste of that, too. 

“You two okay?” Jess moseyed into the kitchen curiously. “I see tears…Should you two really be left alone in here?” 

Not really too concerned, Jess leaned in between them to reach for a half-iced cookie and popped it in her mouth. 

“Hey!” Her mother and her girlfriend both admonished her in unison. 

“Wow.” Jess said through a mouth full of sugar and wide eyes. “That was truly frightening.” Deciding to make herself scarce, she slipped back out of the room in search of her dad.

“Oh, she loves it.” Kayla retorted and her mother chuckled.

“Jess hasn’t been this happy in a very long time.” Mrs. Carr finally said quietly. 

“Neither have I, Mrs. Carr.” Kayla murmured sincerely. 

Christmas carols suddenly trickled in from the living room speakers. 

“Oh Lord, they’ve started the tree.” Mrs. Carr sighed. “Please forgive all the ‘GD’s you’re about to hear from my husband.” 

Kayla laughed. 

As if on cue, the sound of a box dropping to the floor and what seemed to be an ornament shattering inside of it reached the kitchen, followed by, “Dad!” and “Shit, fuck, _fuck_!” 

****

“Hey, c’mere.” Jess caught Kayla round the waist as she emerged from the bathroom that evening. They’d gotten dressed up for an evening in the city as it was Carr family tradition to go out for a movie and Chinese food on Christmas Eve. 

Jess had chosen the pants and blazer she’d worn on their very first real date to _One if by Land, Two if by Sea_ nearly a year before. It brought the sweet memory back to Kayla in a flood so she grabbed the collar of her blazer and pulled Jess in for a kiss. 

“Hey there, sexy,” Jess drew back when their lips parted and looked her girlfriend up and down. She didn’t use that word often, considering the connotation of objectification usually associated with its employ. And Kayla had certainly worn ensembles much more revealing and intended to elicit this reaction in Jess. 

Tonight’s dress was knee length with long sleeves and a high neckline, and though it was a deep black that accented her figure, distracting little red and gold roses freckled the fabric. Nevertheless something about the way Kayla looked standing in the middle of the hallway of the Carr family home in a holiday outfit really did it for Jess. 

Kayla’s lip twisted into a bite to prevent a full smile and she brushed a strand of hair behind an earring-bejeweled ear. Jess’s hand followed Kayla’s and slipped up into her hair, mouth diving for the bit of neck just below. 

“Jessss, I just did my hair, now…” Kayla hissed halfheartedly. But her hands betrayed her as they subconsciously released the collar of Jess’s blazer and slipped lower, palms pressing into her chest. 

“Mmm, love you,” Jess nuzzled into her ear. 

Kayla’s hands slid down Jess’s sides and she hooked her fingers into her belt loops, pulling her closer by the hips. She found Jess’s lips and ran her tongue lightly across the lower one. She felt Jess’s knees give just ever so slightly. 

“Love you too,” A heady look filled Kayla’s eyes when she re-met Jess’s gaze. “I could just eat you up.”

“If you wanna, later, I can be quiet…” Jess’s eyes darkened, a familiar look of desire staring back at Kayla. 

This was too far, however. “Jess!” Kayla gave her a shove and made sure to look aghast. They were still in her parents’ house, after all. 

“Would you rather I not be turned on by you?” Jess shot back, unabashed. Kayla took her by the hand and gave her a twirl as if they’d been dancing, then tucked Jess’s back to her own chest and settled her arms around her so she couldn’t escape. “Behave.” She breathed into her ear from behind. Jess halfheartedly wrestled in Kayla’s grasp. 

This little tousle was how Mrs. Carr found them when she passed down the hall to see if they were ready to leave. Her presence wasn’t noticed immediately, and her heart melted at the sight of her daughter laughing and struggling against her taller girlfriend’s snug hold on her. Both of their eyes exuded the sparks of young love that Mrs. Carr found herself wistfully able to remember from her own past. 

“Where are they, are they ready?” Mr. Carr came up behind his wife, who waved a hand in his face to shush him. He smiled when he saw the pair. “Come on you two, the poopoo platter waits for no man, er, woman!” He called after a moment. Both women looked up with the smiles for each other still on their faces, but Kayla released Jess quickly and ducked back into the guest room for her purse. 

*****

“I think it’s time we introduce Kayla to the Carr family tradition, don’t you?” Mr. Carr called over his shoulder as he stoked the living room fireplace.

“Way ahead of you, Pop.” Jess had been sprawling on the carpet by the base of the Christmas tree, dealing with the food coma brought on by the pile of vegetable lo mein she’d inhaled at dinner. She lazily reached an arm toward the tree skirt for a soft, square-shaped gift. “We always open _one_ present on Christmas Eve.” Jess informed the room. She suddenly tossed the gift at Kayla where she sat with Mrs. Carr on the couch. 

At the last second she caught it. 

“Oh why didn’t you tell me sooner?! I didn’t get anything for a Christmas Eve exchange!” Kayla’s forehead wrinkled in concern. 

“The tradition is a gift from the family to the family,” Mr. Carr explained, plopping into his easy chair. 

“One year it was a new TV. Another it was tickets to Disney.” Jess added, tossing identically wrapped gifts to each of her parents in turn. Then she went back to reclining on the floor, arms pillowing her head. “This year was my idea so I’m afraid it’s not as exciting as all that.” 

“Why don’t you go first, Kayla?” Mrs. Carr pointedly nudged her in encouragement. 

“Okay,” Suddenly shy, she slowly pulled the ribbon free of the package. Tore the gift wrap. “Oh..!” Amused, she lifted out a pajama top to display for the room. Underneath were matching pj pants. The whole set was red and covered with little white and brown reindeer. 

“Cute!” Mr. Carr said, and then tore into his own. He chuckled, lifting his own pajamas like a trophy he’d won. His set matched Kayla’s. So did, they quickly discovered, Mrs. Carr’s. 

“I have a pair too, I just didn’t feel like wrapping mine, it’s in a drawer in our room.” Jess grinned. 

“Well I’m going to go put my on!” Jess’s dad got up and eagerly shuffled off to change. 

“I think I will too.” Mrs. Carr soon followed. 

“Mm, help me uppp.” Jess groaned when they’d left. Kayla still sat with the pjs in her lap. She was trying not to cry. Matching family pajamas was one of the things she thought she'd have to miss this year because she couldn't go home. She should've known better. Jess was magical year round and Christmas would obviously be no different. Kayla gazed at her for another moment in awe.

Then she finally got up and easily assisted Jess to an upright position. Scooped her into her arms. 

“Do you know how incredibly special you are to me?” Kayla peeped into her shoulder. 

The shorter woman squeezed her back tight. “Merry Christmas, Kayla,” Jess whispered. 

*****

Kayla tugged at the notch collar of Jess’s pj’s when they were both in bed for the night. Smiled softly. Averted her eyes. “I hope you like my present tomorrow.” 

“Honey, I know I will.” Jess countered. 

Kayla was quiet for a moment. Then, “I wonder if my family have thought about me at all.” 

“Oh, of course they have,” Jess held her girlfriend close. Kissed her forehead. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. But they’re you’re family, they’re bound to miss you. I’m sure your brother Tim especially does.” 

“I’m the only one who would eat peppermint on waffles with him,” Kayla gave a sad sigh. 

“Hey, look!” Jess tapped her Fitbit in Kayla’s face. The time read 12:03. “Merry Christmas for real.” 

“Merry Christmas.” Kayla leaned in for a slow kiss. Her hand slipped from Jess’s collar into her shirt and softly squeezed her breast as the kiss deepened, hoping to remind her of earlier in the hall. “So...you still think you can be quiet?” 

“Oh," Jess breathed, caught by surprise, but delighted. She allowed herself an uncharacteristic giggle. "I can be anything you want, just don’t stop touching me.” 

Thus they rang in Christmas day to the hushed gasps Kayla elicited from Jess until, spent, they drifted off to sleep.


	25. A New Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas lesbians!

Kayla’s eyes fluttered open in the early morning light. She knew she’d wake up while the house was still quiet; a habit since childhood on Christmas morning. Even last Christmas, when she’d woken up alone in her NYC apartment with nothing to look forward to.

But this Christmas was different. On this Christmas Jess lay strewn face down across her chest, one leg dangling out of her boxers. She snored lightly but satisfied, directly into Kayla’s ear. Kayla slunk an arm around her, softly petting her back under her pj top. She had certainly never woken up on Christmas morning quite like this before. 

But what a gift. 

She rubbed Jess’s back more firmly til her girlfriend stirred at her touch. “Mmm, whattimessit?” 

“I don’t know, pretty early,” Kayla chirped. She kissed Jess’s forehead. 

“Mk, go back tussleep then,” Jess garbled, curling into Kayla and burying her face in her chest. 

“No, it’s Christmas, wake up!” Kayla nudged her. 

“Oh, Goddd…” Jess groaned but rolled onto her back with her eyes opening blearily. She lifted her Fitbit into her line of sight and sighed. “Y’know, my parents don’t usually get up til 8.” 

“And?” Kayla was sitting up now and tugging on Jess’s sleeve. 

“That’s an hour and a half from now. You’re like a lil kid.” It was meant to sound like a bad thing, but the amusement and adoration in her half-awake eyes gave Jess away. 

“Put your pants on. We can make your parents coffee.” 

Jess seemed to only just notice she was half naked. She looked back up at her girlfriend with one raised eyebrow, smug. “Doesn’t take an hour and a half to start a pot of coffee.”

“You’re right!” Kayla gave back, slipping out of bed. “I need a shower first.” As she stepped into the adjoining bathroom, she threw her top at Jess, who caught it right in the face. Jess fell back against the pillows when she heard the water run. Kayla took long showers. She could have another half hour of sleep. 

*****

Kayla noticed the Carrs arrived in the kitchen to collect their freshly brewed coffee fully dressed. In fact they dressed very well for Christmas morning, though to Kayla's knowledge they wouldn’t be attending Church. They seemed to enjoy the coffee gesture, but something else was apparently of considerable distraction. They sat around the living room sipping quietly, _too_ quietly. No one was paying any attention to the piles of gifts now spilling out from under the tree. Kayla was growing highly suspicious that _something_ was up. 

Mr. Carr kept glancing at his watch. Jess kept grinning at her and then avoiding her gaze. 

Mrs. Carr leapt up to make a bunch of noise in the kitchen directly at 9 o’clock, and Jess situated Kayla and herself in a cozy pile on the sofa, but still was not entirely present. Mr. Carr busied himself stoking and re-stoking the already perfect fire. 

Expectation hung in the air, and Kayla couldn’t get anyone to notice that their behavior was off. 

“So what is the usual Christmas day schedule?” She finally got Jess’s attention long enough to gently ask. Her girlfriend was staring at her phone screen. 

“Gifts.” Jess answered. Her phone lit up. “One sec.” She jumped up and hurried from the room. 

_What is going on?_

“Kay? Can you c’mere a sec?” She heard Jess call from the hall a moment later.

She got up hesitantly, but upon observation of Mr. Carr’s face, and the way he moved to follow her, she realized this was all part of some mysterious Christmas day surprise. With some bewilderment, she made her way slowly towards the direction Jess's voice had come from. 

Suddenly, the entire family stood around the front door, all eyes on Kayla. 

“Okay...what’s going on?” She smiled nervously around at each of them. 

“I got you something.” Jess grinned. “It’s on the other side of the front door. Open it.” 

Kayla’s eyes widened in trepidation. Jess let out an impatient breath through her nose and waved encouragingly towards the door handle. 

Kayla stepped forward and opened the door. 

“Auntie Kayla! Auntie Kayla!” Three little girls barreled into the hall and pounced on her. The sheer force of this nearly knocked her over. That, or the shock of seeing her brother’s whole family standing on the Carr’s front stoop. 

“What, what are you- Oh my God.” Kayla spluttered. “Tim!” She cried.

"Hey, baby sis." He instantly stepped forward and enveloped her in a warm hug. 

Tim Pospisil was tall and toe-headed as his sibling. On releasing Kayla he shook hands with Jess's dad and followed his wife as Mrs. Carr beckoned them all inside. 

"Breakfast is on the way!" She hollered brightly as she made for the kitchen. 

"Please, come make yourselves at home. Merry Christmas!" Mr. Carr led the way into the living room.

“Auntie Kayla, I made a present for you!” April, Tim’s eldest daughter at 7, excitedly informed her. She and her little sisters, Naomi and Rebecca, clung to Kayla, prepared to attach themselves at the hip for the rest of the day. 

Still overwhelmed with the beautiful surprise, their Aunt fought back tears as she squeezed them close, before showing them in towards the living room and the tree. 

Their plans for gluing themselves to Kayla immediately forgotten at the sight of the presents, they dove for the tree. 

“Hey!” Charlotte, their mother, hollered across the room, “Pause!” She joined them at the tree’s edge, making a great show of examining the gift boxes. “I think this year, Santa wrapped April’s in green paper, Naomi, yours are blue. And both my big girls will help Rebecca open the red packages, right?” 

“Yes Mommy!” 

“Okay, you can open what you like until breakfast is ready. One, two, three....Go!” 

The moment they pounced, Charlotte turned to her sister-in-law. “Your other half is really something. Her parents had us ship the gifts here and they wrapped them all for us.” She hugged poor Kayla tight, and she made no response, still too incredulous at everything that was happening to even register the details. 

She looked on without processing as Jess gave Tim candy canes off the Christmas tree. He disappeared towards the kitchen and Jess rejoined Kayla and Charlotte. 

“Hope it’s okay I took the liberty of stalking your siblings?” Jess asked her coyly. 

“I have no words for what you are.” Kayla murmured after a moment, continuing to be too overcome to formulate proper expressions of gratitude. She suddenly realized everything Jess must have felt the moment they stepped off the plane. All the people she loved most and who loved her most were suddenly in one place. 

She’d never felt anything so wonderful in her whole life. She feared her heart might explode. 

A hand slipped into hers. She squeezed it back fiercely. “I’m going to love you til the end of time.” She found Jess’s ear and informed her softly. 

Jess frowned. “You weren’t already gonna do that?” The frown changed right back into a grin. 

“Here you go, sis!” A voice boomed behind them. 

When she turned around, Kayla found Tim pressing a plate into her hands. It held a steamy stack of waffles topped with whipped cream. 

And crushed up bits of candy cane.

****

"But...what did you tell mom and dad?" After breakfast Kayla was still interrogating her brother about how they’d all managed to pull off a Christmas morning reunion surprise. She couldn’t bear the thought of anyone back home fighting on her behalf, particularly because she knew her parents might be as unforgiving of her siblings as they had been to her when she’d tried to come out to them a year and a half ago.

It had resulted in a “don’t return home unless you’re straight” moratorium, something that had pained her so deeply she hadn’t even shared the full details with Jess this far into their relationship. 

She suspected now, though, since Jess had gone to the trouble of tracking down her brother, that she might have been filled in.

"I just told them the truth: That you're my favorite immediate family member and my children's favorite aunt and that we weren't going to do Christmas without you again.” Tim simply shrugged.

"I'm their only aunt, Timmy, of course I'm their favorite." Kayla rolled her eyes with a smile, but appreciation shown in her eyes. 

"You might be losing your pedestal, actually..." Charlotte interjected, nodding towards the tree. 

Two of Charlotte and Tim's little monkeys hung from Jess's neck, shrieking with laughter, while the third sat on her foot, limbs entwined around her leg, shouting orders. "Spin us, Aunt Jessie, spin ussss!" 

"Okay but keep your limbs inside the vehicle at all times, my dad already broke most of the ornaments before we put the tree up, so can't lose any more of them!" Jess announced this judiciously before securing a tighter grip on the torsos of the two neck danglers and doing a slowish twirl. 

The shrieking intensified.

"She seems really great, little sis."

Kayla’s heart swelled. “The best."

******

"Hey." Jess nudged Kayla late that evening. They'd been gazing into the dwindling fire from a snuggle on the sofa. The day had been a whirlwind of gifts and food and games and family. Both women were drunk on unprecedented happiness. Mr. and Mrs. Carr had retired long ago, and Tim and Charlotte had returned to their nearby hotel, leaving the girls to enjoy a Christmas slumber party in sleeping bags by the tree. It had been quiet for about 20 minutes, suggesting that the last bits of Christmas candy sugar high had finally led to a crash. 

Jess nodded towards Kayla's slumbering nieces. "Lookit Rebecca's lil feet." 

Ten perfect tiny toes peeped out of the bottom of her sleeping bag. 

Kayla smiled but gave no response. Jess nuzzled her nose into Kayla's cheek. 

"D'you want kids?"

Kayla smiled more. "Oh sure. Someday." She moved to examine Jess. "Do you?" It seemed to occur to them simultaneously that they'd never asked this of each other. 

"Yeah, I think so." Jess unfolded herself from her entanglement with Kayla's lap and got up to kneel over Rebecca and tuck her feet back into her warm blankets. “Tiny people are just so _cute_!" Jess whispered. 

Kayla regarded her for a moment. Then, "You'd be a good mom."

"Think so?" The blank look on Jess's face betrayed the fact she'd never considered whether this could be true. 

But Kayla was back to not replying. She pointed towards the midsection of the Christmas tree. "There is a little red present in your tree." She said this so matter of factly Jess didn't realize Kayla had timed this on purpose. She curiously leaned into the tree and fished out the parcel, assuming Kayla had merely discovered it by accidental observation. 

"Bring it here." Kayla said more forcefully, and then Jess began to suspect. 

She patted her lap and Jess climbed back into it, a question mark on her brow. 

"Well, open it." Kayla urged, a small pang of anxiousness in her tone. 

Jess obeyed, tearing off the paper. 

"I didn't wanna give this to you in front of everyone, and put you on the spot..." Kayla was suddenly full of explanations, but Jess could barely register them as she stared at the contents.

A little gold key engraved with a J stared back at her. She recognized it instantly as a copy of Kayla's apartment key.

Kayla mustered up all her courage into one breath and then asked, "Move in with me?"

Jess's answer, of course, was a resounding yes.


	26. Jess is in trouble for all of 5 seconds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey new twitter moots ily! <3 
> 
> cw: this chp is a lemon!

Jess sat patiently on top of Kayla's carry on luggage, people watching. She caught herself smiling. She couldn't remember a better Christmas.

Finally a hand landed on her shoulder from behind as Kayla emerged from the bathroom. "Ready?" 

In one swift motion Jess stood, presenting the handle of the rolling bag to her girlfriend. They continued strolling down the concourse to their gate. Jess took their tickets from Kayla to free up her other hand, slipping her fingers through Kayla's. 

"My parents. _Adore_ you." She said when Kayla caught her eye. 

Kayla flushed, something more than her usual modest embarrassment behind the pinkening of her cheeks. She seemed almost...smug. 

For some reason. 

After a moment she smiled gracefully. "I know they do. I'm very glad." She slowly replied. 

Jess gave her a halfhearted suspicious look, but their attention was diverted as their flight was called over the loudspeaker. 

But Kayla's smile remained smug and she snatched the tickets back from Jess. "What impeccable timing." She said. 

*********

They returned to work that January with the steadfast zeal of any young, enthusiastic television producers carving out names for themselves in New York City. Though now, they prioritized making time on the weekends specifically devoted to their private life. Slowly, they brought Jess’s things to Kayla’s apartment, interweaving their material possessions as tightly as their hearts. 

Sometimes their thoughts fell upon the previous January when they’d rekindled their relationship, and the gratitude they held for fate was infinite. The time spent alone in what was quickly becoming _their_ place was treasured, and every word spoken, gesture observed, touch received was more precious than ever. 

“Do you know how much I love you?” Kayla murmured into Jess’s ear one Sunday evening. 

Jess was still attempting to get a head start on Monday morning, and lay on their bed with stacks of production notes precariously balanced on her abdomen.

“I have an inkling it’s almost as much as I love you,” Jess gave back, though her eyes did not leave the page she was scanning.

"C'mon, you promised, eight o'clock." Kayla scooted closer towards the center of the bed and snatched Jess's wrist, holding it out in front of her face so that she was forced to read the time on her Fitbit. Jess cast a distracted glance, grunted in acknowledgement, and went back to reading her notes.

Inwardly Kayla was bursting with pride and joy at the spectacle of her hard working producer girlfriend.

But she also wanted Jess's attention.

In one swift and unexpected motion, she grabbed the file and flung it across the room. Only one or two loose pages remained on Jess's stomach, rising and falling softly with her breathing.

This time Jess peered at her over her glasses, which had slipped a little bit down the bridge of her nose as she'd been reading, deep in thought. "Kayla." She admonished. There was the slightest tinge of impatience in her tone, but affection still reigned.

The younger woman attempted the most innocent of expressions, bottom lip jutting out in a minute quiver. "You promised." She repeated softly. She sat up on her knees and stared expectantly at her counterpart.

Jess blinked at her, then expelled an exasperated laugh, followed by a grin.

Kayla brought her index finger to Jess's face, pushing her glasses back on properly.

"Oh thank you," Jess's voice was saturated with amusement now; Kayla had won out. She always did.

"You might wanna take em off, actually." Kayla considered, eyes twinkling.

"Why-ah!" Jess didn't know what she'd thought Kayla was alluding to, but it certainly wasn't an immediate onslaught of tickling. "God, Kayla. Kayla, no, help! No!"

Her glasses, along with the last pages of her work, slipped gently off the side of the bed as Jess curled into fetal in attempt to protect herself. But it was no use. She shook with laughter, aware that the involuntary thrashing of her legs might result in kicking the woman she loved.

"Well that's what you get. You're in trouble for ignoring me..." Kayla tsked as her fingers wiggled under Jess's tousling sides. The next time Jess rolled away from her and onto her back, Kayla straddled her, pinning her to the bed, one raised eyebrow conveying to the woman trapped beneath her that she'd better start obeying if she wanted the rest of her night to be more pleasant.

Kayla's hands slowly stilled and came to a rest on Jess's shoulders. Jess gave one great gasp to collect herself, sobering immediately at the sensual turn things had suddenly taken. The sparkle in Kayla's eyes had spread to a sly, impish smile. Then, so sweetly, "I love your laugh."

Jess dared to find Kayla's knees on either side of her body with her fingertips. Her hands slipped up them to her thighs. "I think I love being in trouble." Jess admitted.

"Even the tickling?"

"Maybe I'm a masochist, you dunno."

"Shut up, Jess."

"Ooh, I'm in trouble _more_ , delicious."

Kayla silenced her by connecting their lips. Slowly, greedily, their tongues intertwined, mouths not parting for a long while.

"I'll never get tired of that," Jess breathed at long last.

Kayla grinned against her. "Good, cause I wanna do it some more."

Jess flicked her tongue across that pouty bottom lip in hopes of the promised continuation, but Kayla drew back. "Let's get your clothes off first."

She seemed to be dawdling, making Jess's skin radiate with anticipation. Every button on her blouse was slowly and carefully threaded back through its hole. A good five minutes was spent halfway topless as Kayla found places along Jess's collarbone that clearly needed sucking. After an eternity her bra was off and Jess's feeble attempt to begin removing Kayla's was thwarted as she was shoved back against the mattress, breasts trapped in the kneading of the younger woman's skillful hands and mouth.

Finally she gave up all power to her sweet captor, closing her eyes and allowing the feelings Kayla embroidered through her veins to wash over her in waves of pleasure. Her legs distanced themselves from each other without her willing them to; it was by then second nature to give in to every whim of Kayla's and the younger woman didn't take it for granted. One moment they were kissing, one moment Jess's nipple was tugged and taut between careful teeth, one moment Jess was out of her pants and fingers hooking into her underwear were about to leave her completely exposed.

She relished the way Kayla ravaged her, could live in the experience of it forever. She didn't like to relinquish control of any part of her life. But with Kayla she felt safe. With Kayla it was a release. It was fun. It was therapeutic.

"Please," She finally murmured, "I want your skin on mine. Please?"

"Mhmm," Came Kayla's soft reply. Jess felt Kayla reach for her pants button, so she went back to the bra, unhooking it one handed underneath Kayla's top with ease.

"Show off," Kayla scoffed at her, but couldn't hide from her tone the fact she was impressed. Kayla was too endeared to the gentleness of Jess's hands whenever they landed on her. It was the touch of someone so completely enamored and in awe and Jess was just so sweet Kayla wanted to fuck her senseless in gratitude.

And just because it'd be hot to see Jess fucked senseless.

So she gave Jess the glee of helping her pull her pants and underwear the rest of the way off. Then they lay side by side for a moment before Kayla draped her arms over Jess's shoulders, pulling her to her and reconnecting their lips. Another moment and Kayla rolled back on top of her. She paused then to gaze down at her captive. She stroked the fine hairs at the base of Jess's scalp on the back of her neck, lowering her tongue once more onto her collarbone, electricity coursing through them both as their skin created a beautiful friction.

When Kayla next moved back down Jess's breasts, they both felt the distinct sensation of Kayla dripping wet, hot and heavy directly onto Jess's clit. It seemed to freeze them both in place for the longest second of their lives; their eyes connected slowly, a small sheepish smile accompanying Kayla's barely met gaze, a wide and deliriously happy one blowing dimples across Jess's cheeks.

"Fuck, Kayla. I mean goddamn."

"Don't swear like that." Kayla managed harshly. But her voice was now just as animalistic as if she'd taken the Lord's name in vain, too.

Their mouths reconnected hungrily, Jess held Kayla to her firmly, her center pressed directly between Jess's splayed legs. Frenzied, they moved against each other gasping in an exchange of tongues and air passing like the heady breeze off a wildfire. One of them was whimpering in ecstasy at the sensation; neither was entirely sure of who.

From where her hands firmly gripped Kayla's waist, Jess slinked a hand lower, discovered her from behind, and dipped an exploratory finger. Kayla's head fell to Jess's shoulder and she moaned, moving with even more enthusiasm against Jess. In turn Jess could scarcely continue. Gasping, a whine escaped her as she matched Kayla's movements.

Suddenly all of these things she was savoring ceased all at once and she blinked stupidly through the stars in front of her eyes in an attempt to figure out what had happened. When her vision refocused she saw Kayla once again sitting back on her knees, thoroughly more disheveled this time, and breathing like a marathoner. But the smile was still there, the glimmer in the eye. She reached her index finger out as she'd done before to adjust Jess's glasses but had a much different destination this time. With wild abandon Jess instinctively spread her legs further still, just in time for Kayla to make contact. She felt a finger slide in flawlessly; it was soon followed by another. Kayla's mouth beat it by a second, connecting with Jess's throbbing clit and holding it in place with the suction from her lips as her tongue criss-crossed lazily, then frenzied, over its surface.

Jess's head thrashed side to side now, her vision was gone again, she was gone. Kayla had sent her like a wave pulls you under. She didn't have a clue which way was up, how to get air, how to do anything but lose control and let her body be tossed helplessly.

It had been her whimpering earlier, she knew that now. Because it was happening again, and Kayla's mouth was otherwise occupied. It had to be her. And then the sound was reaching a crescendo as she dangled closer and closer to...

"Kayla- _FUCK!_ me, Kayla!" Jess's hips rose from the bed and Kayla's free arm snuck under around her waist, pressing Jess even closer by the small of her back, keeping Jess against her lips. 

Jess returned to earth slowly; Kayla released her grip even more slowly.

At first opportunity Jess yanked her girlfriend up the length of her spent body, finding Kayla's lips with her own. 

"Trying to steal my last taste of you..." Kayla pouted when she'd succeeding in parting their lips, continuing to run her tongue along her own. She smiled to herself at the glazed look in the older woman's eyes as Jess pulled Kayla closer, trapping her in a cocoon of arms and legs and sighing into her chest. Jess was clearly unphased by any admonishments now, or anything else for that matter. "Love you, Kayla baby," Came a sleepy, muffled murmur. 

After a few quiet, still moments, Kayla wriggled until her arm was free enough to stretch out and reach the bedside light switch to click it off. But this repositioning gave Jess the convenient ability to take a nipple into her mouth, and so she did, pressing against Kayla and turning them both over until Kayla melted in the delicious, familiar way Jess craved. She trailed kisses from Kayla's breasts up to her jawline, where by her ear she lifted her lips long enough to whisper, "Did you really think I'd fall asleep without having you?" 

Kayla gave a soft laugh, hands tangling in Jess's hair. "There's a first time for everything," she admitted. Their eyes were slowly adjusting to the dark, and Jess popped her head up to see if they could yet meet one another's gaze. Kayla easily found her, watching the messy-haired woman naked on top of her grin with the same awestruck, deep seated infatuation that had remained in her eyes since the beginning. 

Kayla released the back of her girlfriend's head to stroke wisps of hair gently off Jess's brow with a finger. "You're so beautiful. My Jess." 

Caught off guard by the sudden tenderness, Jess's face established a bashful expression. But Kayla brought her quickly back, wrapping her legs around her hips and grinding herself upwards, refusing to break eye contact. Jess's eyes fluttered closed at the contact, and before she could react further she heard Kayla's voice, thick with desire and urgency, bounce delicately between her ears. 

"Now make me yours, too."


	27. The Kelly File

Kayla stepped into the lobby first. In the self assurance that comes from ample hard work paying off and a good deal of time spent in happiness, she confidently swept a circle across the sparkly black and gold tiles, arms outstretched to soak it all in. For good measure, she inhaled deeply with closed eyes and let out a sigh just as great. 

Jess awkwardly tumbled out of the revolving entrance doors, eyes canvassing every inch of the lofty halls at once. Courtney usually accompanied Kayla on these sorts of business affairs, but today she thought her girlfriend might enjoy it more. She was instantly proven right. "You know, I have always wanted to come in here," Jess said quietly, aware of the echo her voice would cause at higher volume. She only wanted Kayla to hear her. 

The taller woman gave a slow smile and approached, linking their arms and shifting her notebook organizer against her chest. "We'll have to cross it off the bucket list." She guided them around behind the wall of the front desk and further into the building, in her mind cheerfully running through the things that were already on the bucket list that she and Jess had started compiling. 

She'd made sure that road trip they'd joked about so long ago was at the top. It was now prioritized as their summer long holiday. The adventure included lots of little stop ideas written in neatly indented asterisks underneath the title declaring their final destination: San Diego. They'd thought long and hard about where their turn around point should be, and had agreed on California, but narrowing down the city had been more difficult. They'd stop in San Francisco first, for the gay history, of course. They could even get a little work done if they stopped in LA for a week. But Kayla's aim was the beautiful nature and warm sunny atmosphere of the more southern San Diego. She thought it'd be the most perfect place to...

"Hey, you got those ID cards?" Jess was prodding her side gently; they'd come to a stop before a security checkpoint of electronic turnstiles. Kayla shook herself from her reverie and dug them out of the pocket of her organizer. Their IDs passed over the scanner and the turnstiles opened welcomingly to them. On the other side elevators awaited them, along with a security guard who had evidently been watching their approach. "Where to, ladies?" 

"Sixth, please." Kayla flashed him a smile as he called an elevator. 

Once safely tucked into the lift, Jess playfully nudged Kayla's shoulder as she rifled through her files. "C'mon, you've been doing your homework on this for a week, I think you're very prepared to be interviewed on television." She gently pulled Kayla's organizer out of her grasp and slid it snuggly behind her back. 

"Oh _God_ , no pressure, when you say it like _that_!" She attempted to make a grab for her notes but Jess dodged her effortlessly. The doors of the elevator were already opening anyway. 

All business once more, they stepped into the quiet hall, walking slowly and wondering where to go next. 

"Ah, babe...are you sure it was the _sixth_ floor?" 

"That's what Courtney said they said, why?" 

Jess stopped in front of a little plaque, finger jutting at it accusingly. "Thought you were supposed to be on _Seth_?" 

"I am..." Kayla's voice trailed away as her eyes bounced over the letters on the sign, which spelled out _Megyn Kelly Today_. 

"Kayla Pospisil. How good to see you again. I do apologize for the little ruse I employed to get you here. Thank you for coming." She could picture the person behind that voice before she even turned around. If that hadn't given it away, Jess's expression sure would've. Turning on heel, Kayla came face to face with Megyn Kelly. 

Who smiled at her. 

********

If it was up to Jess, they would've turned on heel then and never returned to 30 Rockefeller Plaza. 

But it was up to Kayla; stubborn, determined-to-be-morally-superior, and unshakable Kayla. 

Sure, she was just as upset as Jess that they'd been duped into a completely different interview scenario than what had been pitched to them. But Kayla was nothing if not up to the challenge. If she could walk out of Fox with no job prospects and unaddressed trauma trailing in her wake, she could easily execute a head-to-head with an old adversary now, when her life made her feel so beautifully put together, successful, valuable. 

Jess stood to the side of the conversation uneasily, watching Megyn Kelly explain her motivations. But all it took was a reassuring glance, a squeeze of her elbow, for Kayla to convince her everything would be okay. 

Kayla watched at Megyn Kelly patronized her with a persuasive diatribe on why her voice was so essential to the conversation that would be taking place on her program's taping that day. Adversary was the wrong word, she realized. At least for Kayla. Kayla had never considered her competition; she was far too established, had already achieved so much, when Kayla met her. She realized Megyn might now consider _her_ the competition, but it didn't matter. The only thing that left Kayla feeling slightly begrudging of the older woman was her behavior during their confrontation at Fox. She'd made Kayla break. Confess. Ask questions - albeit accusingly - concerning how to get help. 

And all had fallen flat. 

Megyn had turned away. 

Kayla turned away now. Found her girlfriend with her eyes. Jess had sidled back several paces as Megyn had led Kayla through the studio. 

"So are you willing to share your story, Kayla?" Megyn broke her reverie. 

Kayla had already decided to do it. Not because she wanted to boost Megyn's ratings, though she knew a story like this would. But she'd do it because it was the right thing to do. For other women. For Jess. For herself. For her company. 

No press is bad press, after all. Isn't that what Roger would say? 

*********

"I saw the lawsuit and as soon as I read your allegations in particular I knew they were true. It was dead on what happened to me." 

Kayla didn't respond, carefully weighing every reaction. Megyn was trying to illicit one, right there under the bright studio lights with the cameras rolling and all eyes on her. She wouldn't get a repeat performance of Kayla's breakdown at her Fox News desk. Even if it was what Megyn wanted to get on tape. 

"What do you think of Roger Ailes now, Kayla? He did a lot of good and he did a lot of bad. Can you forgive the bad?"

"Yes." Kayla said without hesitation. 

"What gave you the strength to forgive?" 

"My faith. My support system." 

"Becoming a successful independent producer, quickly selling show rights to other major corporations, surely that helped, as well. I know Roger instilled a rather entrepreneurial spirit in me. Would you credit him with that for your achievements as well?" 

"No." Kayla responded flatly. "Roger and I never discussed anything beyond my career possibilities at Fox. My success is my own. My success is in _spite_ of him."

"Would you then agree: Adversity is an opportunity?" Megyn's stare bore into Kayla.

Kayla held her gaze. 

Jess's fists dug into her hip bones from where she stood behind a camera monitor, ready to shut the whole thing down at the first sign of her girlfriend in distress. 

"Certainly." Kayla finally gave back, tucking hair behind her ear and adjusting her crossed legs. It seemed to be a demonstration of submission; Megyn's chin rose as her smile grew. She knew she'd won. 

Megyn opened her mouth to speak again when Kayla cut her off. The younger woman had been waiting for this. Her interrogator's guard was down, and Kayla was ready. 

"What you may not realize, Megyn, is that those two words have very different definitions for different people." Kayla smoothed her skirt in her lap with calm hands. "Some adversities are insurmountable. Some people aren't provided any opportunities. Perhaps because they aren't the same color as your Santa Claus..." Kayla paused here to throw Megyn a skeptical look, "Or because they can't safely be themselves in the workplace..." Jess thought Kayla caught her eye for the briefest of seconds, "Or simply because they are too new to a company to be taken seriously without having to compromise themselves in some way..." 

You could have heard a pin drop in the studio. This was good TV. And the audience was captivated. A couple of camera guys exchanged incredulous smirks. None of Megyn Kelly's guests had challenged her like this. And most people believed it was long overdue. 

"You and I got lucky, Megyn." Kayla concluded. "We escaped the bad things that happened to us and moved on to something better." She flashed a smile around the set. "But there are plenty of women still silently existing under their Rogers. It's those people I want my production company to inspire." 

Megyn and Kayla sat in silence for a moment, not breaking one another's eye contact.

"That's perfect, right there, Kelly!" Hollered the production director. 

Megyn looked down the camera to make eye contact with her television audience. Smiled. "We'll be right back." 

The studio audience applauded. 

Kayla quickly stood, stepping swiftly offstage. 

Jess met her halfway.

*******

Jess squeezed Kayla's bicep to get her attention when they were once again alone in the elevator. Her counterpart smiled back at her through pursed lips. 

"You okay?" 

"I'm okay." Kayla asserted. "We just have to figure out a way to keep that sort of blindsiding from ever happening again." 

"That woman's a conniving little snake-" 

"She's a media pundit, her personality is just journalist, with or without moral convictions, depending on the topic or the day..." Kayla lovingly brushed a strand of hair out of Jess's face to soothe and soften her. 

They hadn't noticed, but the elevator had surged upwards after they stepped in, hesitating two floors above, and a couple people from other show productions filed in. 

As the lift finally began its descent Kayla's eyes wandered over the little crowd, and before long she noticed that the woman on the other side of her was an attractive blonde with a messy bun and glasses slightly askew on her nose. She blanched, eyes trailing over to Jess and back to this woman, nearly perfect mirror images of one another. Upon second observation, she accidentally caught this woman's gaze, and the stranger curled a lip into a half smile almost identical to Jess's. She regarded Kayla with the same searching, appreciative expression, and then a barely audible giggle bubbled forth from her grin, forming a quiet, "Hi..." 

A ding as the elevator came to a halt brought Kayla out of the moment, thankfully, because she was a little afraid she was having a stroke. Whipping her head around to make sure Jess still existed, she grabbed her by the hand and pulled them out into the hall. 

"What's wrong?" Jess gave a bewildered glance back at the other people dispersing, noticing nothing special about any of them in particular. 

"That woman was your _actual dopplegänger_!" Kayla tossed her head back in the direction of the NotJess, who was quickly scurrying off down a different corridor, looking as though she'd rather not be seen. 

Jess gave a half-hearted laugh. "It's the hair, that's all." She blew the same loose strand out of her face again with a breath, further demonstrating her point. 

"No, I'm not kidding Jess, _just_ like you." 

Jess put an arm around her. "You're seeing me everywhere 'cause you love me. C'mon, probably just need lunch. Let's go find something nice off 5th." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the interest of accuracy ive read and watched far too much megyn kelly content and some of her own words are used in this chapter. but i really need to stress that regardless of whether or not i agree with her/my readers think she is a good person or not, it is never my intent with my fun fiction writing hobby to slander a real person, particularly one who has survived sexual harassment. please just remember she's a human being like the rest of us and there is zero evidence she ever treated anyone the way the megyn in bombshell/this fic treats kayla. happy intl fanworks day!


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